Book Of Phan One Shots

Intertwined

skin,

heat,

 hair in my mouth,

 feet touching feet. 

"If there's something in the world more perfect than you I'd love to see it."  His voice is low and soothing as he whispers into my ear.  A steady hand falls on my waist pulling me closer.  My eyes are blurry from the tears, the lights up above looking faded and blended together.  Like when you smudge paint on canvas. 

Quiet snaps of pictures being taken and hushed voices are drowned out by the song playing overhead.  I'm clumsy, I really am.  The only reason I haven't fallen yet is because Dan is so sturdy.  He is like an unbreakable force holding me steady.  I cling onto his arms because I don't want to fall and because I never want to let go. 

"You're going to make me cry and for all the pictures, I'll look like a mess."  I back away so I can see his face.  

A grin is sewn permanently onto his soft face.  His cheeks are pushed up against his eyes, that's how wide his smile is.  I still find myself mesmerized by his face.  Even on our wedding night.  The way his right eye has a little fleck of lighter brown on the edge of his iris.  Or how his laugh is loud and unapologetic with warm waves of love.  

"I don't care if you're crying. I don't care what you do.  I just want you with me."  He reminds me, he always reminds me. 

I feel my heart swell and as being as gushy as I am a few tears fall through.  They're light, full of happiness.  Dan moves his hand away from my hip and brushes them away.

you create a rarity of my genuine smiles

so,

breathe,

breathe with me,

can you drink all my thoughts,

cause' I can't stand them

"I love you."  I sigh because It's too important to say aloud.  It's too precious to have others hear.   All our lives we have been so private, everything our own little world.  Now that everyone knows I can only hope our real 'I love you's' stay cherished.  

"I love you too."  Dan blinks slowly, the way you do when you;re about to sleep.  Dazed and so drunk in his own love he can't even keep his eyelids open.

A small stride to the left has me stumbling a bit, "I want us to just be us forever. They can see everything and hear about everything.  But no one will know."

Dan cups the back of my neck and pulls me close so that I can smell the cologne on his neck, "I promise you that it will only ever be us." 

but we can stay here,

and laugh away 

the fear

The last strum of the song echoes loudly in my mind and I remember it isn't just us in this moment.  It's our family and friends gathered around to see the first dance.  His hands are warm when they intertwine with mine and I can't help but wish it was only us. 

An: I'm not even going to lie.  This wasn't the best or the longest.  I wrote it in like 30 min.  But I haven't uploaded in years and I wanted to try and refresh my mind on how to write good (I know it's well, pls i'm joking)  

Imma be real with all ya'll.  This school year has been the most stressful i've ever been.  With work and classes and no free periods i'm kinda exhausted all the time.  Not to mention my constant war against mental health troubles,,, these sound like excuses but they're not.  I love writing but whenever I have free time i'm too tired.  I didn't like the way it felt forced and I just wasn't proud of the stuff I was creating.  For the first time in weeks, i've actually felt inspired to write.  

So this isn't like the other times where I promise to finally be more active and only hold that promise for a month and then abandon everything for two.  

This time I'm just promising to write as much and as well as I can with what little time and inspiration I have.