Book Of Phan One Shots

presence

because its monday now and im lying in my bed thinking of how sad i am. and how youre the only thing that makes me feel good.  the only light is coming from the fairy lights hung up on my walls.  the dull colors seeping over the room.  pink and blue and green and yellow. 

i can feel my blankets under my skin but not in the same way i feel you.

because youre car rides at night and fly away hairs and dreams of the future.  youre brown eyes and endless words that effortlessly crawl out of your mouth.  passing your lips and tumbling into my hands with ease.  youre the moon, porcelain skin, crater eyes and crescent smiles.  your beauty kills me,

but not in the way the sadness does. 

because sadness is a too tight shirt i cannot take off.  and the more i try the more panicked i become.  and i think, im thinking 'im going to be stuck with this forever'.  the collar attacks my throat with its wrong-sized fabric, grabs at my wrists like its clinging on for life.  clawing at my back, my nails digging into my spine. fists full of it, bleeding out between my knuckles.  its only purpose to hurt me but not enough for anyone to see.  

oh god, i just want to feel good again.  i want you to make me feel good again. 

you will walk up to me with your moonlight glow and stray hairs and brown eyes.  whispers comforting, effortless words falling into my hands.  you trail your hands up my arms a dreamy look in your eyes.  your strong hands rip off the sweater and throw it away for good.  

because youre the only thing that is allowed to touch me.  your lips can be the only presence on my neck.  my wrists will be free of fabric and replaced with your fingertips. 

ill cry crocodile tears of joy because ive waited so long for you to set me free.

your hands will not only graze my shoulder blades, they will make their way across the city on my back.   fingers brushing against my spine, nails grazing my skin.  and your wrists will find home on the small of my back where my dimples lie.

youll be the first and only visitor, youll become a resident. 

and ill make sure i take my time to rip off your shirt too.

an: okay i feel like this needs an explanation.  basically, im going through a hard time rn and i was trying to think of a way to describe the bad feeling i have.  so then when i was just free writing about that my mind kinda wandered off and it became this sad weird thing where phil is allowing himself to open up to dan and cheesy shit im sure youve figured out by reading this.  

okay this is a dumb short thing i just thought id publish because i havent uploaded on here in a while.

sorry

bye.