Book Of Phan One Shots

Impossible Year

An: my phone is being dumb and won't let me put in the video "impossible year by Panic! At The Disco" so if you wanna listen to it then you'll have to search it.  I'm sure all of us phan trash are also panic trash so you'll already know it probably.

Dan stood on the balcony a cigarette in his hand. Casting a wistful gaze over the twinkling lights of the city. The moon and stars were covered by a heavy layer of clouds adding even more of a gloomy haze to Dans thoughts. Pulling in a deep breath of smoke Dan flicked his cigarette. Leaning his arms on the railing all Dan could think about was Phil.

The blue eyed boy seemed like a sad memory now. It's been days since the two talked. Let alone looked at one another. Sighing Dan pushed a hand through his messy hair it's usual polished style gone.

Chest heavy and glazed eyes Dan never felt so alone in his life. At least back when he had no friends he didn't know about Phil. Now that the two met and dated for a bit Dan knew there was his sole mate a few doors down making it almost impossible to bare.

He knew it was the right thing to do. Dan was getting too close to Phil romantically. The memory speared his thought.

"Phil?" Dan called as he sat on his bed.

"Yes bear?" Phil appeared in the doorway. Only in his shirt and boxers from sleep.

"I think we should talk." Dan sniffled a bit trying to hold back tears.

"Yes?" Phil sat down on the bed and placed a comforting hand on Dans thigh. Dan looked up to his bright eyes now pulled into a state of worry.

Dan slid his leg away so Phil's hand dropped onto the bed. Dan caught a glimpse of his heartbroken stare, "I don't-" Dans voice wavered, "I don't think this is working out."

Phil pulled himself closer to the edge of the bed, "what? Why?"

Dan closed his eyes to block out the boy in front of him, "I just don't think I can handle a relationship right now."

"Dan." Phil said in a low comforting voice, "you're just saying that because you're scared."

Dan opened his eyes and looked at Phil his stare turning cold, "why should you be the one to tell me what I feel?"

Phil bit his lip and looked up to the ceiling obviously trying not to cry, "I know you Dan. I know that you're scared. Scared of actually feeling love."

"No." Dan shook his head, "we need to concentrate on our jobs. The audience is most important."

"First of all." Phil shot up and stood above Dan, "first of all, you need to realize that you need to put yourself first sometimes. Your feelings are valid. And don't even start with the concentrating argument. That's weak. You know it's because you're scared to love. You're scared of being gay or bi or whatever the fuck you are. You're scared to like boys and god damn it that is not fair to me."

Dan got up too his voice raising, "this isn't fair to me either. You, pushing all of these accusations onto me. This just proves my point."

"And that is?"

"This isn't the right time for this." Dan yelled.

"And when is?" Phil's eyes were full of tears now.

"I don't know. All I know is that I need space."

"Space? You need space?" Phil shouted back, "well I need you to stop acting like a little spoilt brat and realize that it's not just you in this relationship."

Phil never got mad. Especially this mad. Under normal circumstances he would stay calm, his voice low and never uttering an insult. Until today. Dan balled his fist and clenched his jaw, "who's the selfish one? Not letting me do what I think is right?"

"God damnit Howell." Phil's voice went down to his usually fighting tone.

"Get out." Dans voice shook with regret and sadness. Warm tears ran steadily down his cheeks landing on his chapped lips.

Phil walked out but not before casting a wistful glance his soft face pulled in sadness.

Dan shook his head to try and rid the thought but it stuck. Throwing his cigarette butt into his ash tray Dan ran his hands through his hair once again. Pulling his nails on his neck Dan felt tears begin to surface once again. It seems that all Dan does it cry and mope about Phil.

It's over. You did the right thing. Dan reassured himself.

Although he knew it was the most logical decision Dan felt his heart ache. Letting out a breath Dan saw the cold air change it to smoke. His cigarette warmed him slightly but it mostly made him feel sick. He thought 2012 was going to be his year. That seemed impossible now. Stifling a cough Dan wept by himself over Phil.

An pt.2: also.  I was going to wait to upload this so I could have the music but my computer is going to be broken for another week and I was impatient.