365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 125

November 24th, 2009

School that day was boring as always, even if Mark spent the break between the first and the second class with me. It was the only "good" part of my day at school. 

I ran to get back home, which wasn't so bad. I was always liking to run, because it was helping me not to over think about everything. I was still doing it a bit, but not that much. 

As I get out of the shower, I looked at my wrists. I was looking at them way too often, even when they were covered by sleeves. I stared at the butterflies for a bit, they were starting to fade away and it was freaking me out. I was only holding on that not to start cutting again. So I get dressed pretty quickly before putting some random stuff in my bag and walking up to the bus stop. It was ten minutes late, I could have walked and it would had been faster. But it was too late. I sat at the end of it and stared at my wrists for a moment. I couldn't see the marks like that, because I was wearing a sweater, but I was feeling them. Sometimes, I was able to feel the beating of my heart on them. Which was pretty weird. 

When I reached the hospital, as Safaa's room, I had a small smile on my face, which grew when I saw my sister. She was the only one able to make me smile that much without a reason. My Mom was reading on the chair in the corner of the room and she stood up when she saw me. I kissed her on the cheek and she left us alone. 

- Hey, Saf... How are you doing today ?

- Super good ! She exclaimed, patting the place next to her.

This made me smile even more and I took place on the mattress, letting my bag laying on the floor. Safaa had that smile that could light up a whole town, I'd never know how she was able to do that. She was the fire in the middle of the winter. 

- Would you do something for me ? I asked, before reaching for a sharpie pencil in my bag. 

- Anything. What do you want me to do ? 

She was looking like a freaking angel at that moment, staring at me with her big brown eyes. I handed her the pencil and I picked up my sleeves, so she could saw the faded butterflies. 

- Oh... They're going away... She said while putting her fingers on the cuts, gently.

- Can you draw other ones ? It will help me a lot.

- Of course !

She lifted herself up a bit to kiss my cheek and then sat correctly on the mattress. She drew for a while on my arms, many butterflies. More than the last time because "they needed to stay longer". And, while she was doing that, I was thinking about having one of them printed on my skin forever. I really wanted that. 

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So ? What are you thinking ? I didn't knew how to start that entry, it's kind of shitty x)