365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 146

December 15th, 2009

Christmas was coming up and everyone seemed super excited about it. It wasn't my case. I was more the "Un-Christmas" one. I used to like that thing, but that year... I wasn't able to feel it. There was just too much bad things happening all in once. School was decorated everywhere, except the small part where was my locker. It was like an other world.

It was my world.

I was sitting on the wall in front of my locker that lunch time, as always. I was on my phone, looking for new songs. Even though I hate to say that, I was looking for new Backstreet Boys songs. Alexis had told me the day before about some of them that were very good. So that was what I was doing of my lunch time. They weren't as bad as I thought they would. It wasn't just really my thing. But still, I now have many of them songs on my phone. But that's not a thing a would share with everybody. 

So, while I was listening to their songs, I found out "Incomplete". As the lyrics were fulling my hears, I couldn't help but by on the edge of tears. They were rushing in my eyes and a couple of them fell on my cheeks. 

Those lyrics... They simply were my life. It was literally as I was the one who wrote it. Each word... It was exactly how I was feeling. The ache in my chest was just too big to handle. The song started again and I couldn't stop it. It went on and on for a couple of times. Then, I just get up and changed the song for a playlist of mine, the one for running. I didn't mind that it was could outside, that I was in my college clothes nor any other thing. I just walked up to the door not too far away from my locker. And, as soon as I was outside, I started to run. My volume was almost to his maximum and, even though Fall Out Boy was playing, all I could hear was that damn song... That song that was way too much me. 

My feet were meeting the hard ground way too often, way too hardly. I was angry, I was sad, I was empty. Or, as that song said, I was incomplete. I totally was without Elizabeth. She was my light, my sun, my fucking coke, my everything... Why did I broke up with her ? I still can't understand... She was the perfect girl for my and I just screwed it up. 

I ran for a long time. I needed that. I would had continued, but I just... I lost it. I fell on the ground in the middle of the forest, snow was wetting my pants and my shoes were scrap. And, just like that, my hands on the cold ground, I started to scream. And cry. I was probably looking like a fucking retarded, but I didn't mind. All I was thinking was letting out everything. Giving up.

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Yeah, I'm finally catching up the entries ! But I won't be able to post tomorrow, so... Yeah, not too fun anymore x) I hope you still love me, 'cause I love u ! xx