Day 109

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November 8th, 2009

I didn't slept much that night. I was worried about Waliyha. She didn't came home until eleven in the morning. She had been gone for way too long. I was about to bawl her out when I heard that she was sniffing. This really worried me. Waliyha wasn't the kind of girl to cry and let everyone else know. I was about to wait for a while, the time she get better, but I heard her knocking at my door. I almost ran to open it and my sister felt into my arms, crying more than I ever saw her cry. Her fingers were holding my sweater and she was trembling. 

- Hey... Calm down... It's okay...

- I'm sorry Zayn... I'm sorry...

She kept saying that over and over so I brought her to the bed and we laid there side to side, her face on my shoulder. We stayed like that for a while. Until Waliyha's sobs stopped. She then get back a bit and wiped her eyes. She didn't said a thing, she was just looking at me.

- Can I ask something ? I said, not even hoping for her to say yes.

She nodded and I was surprised. But I did like it was nothing at all.

- Why me ? I mean... We aren't like in good terms and you have a lot of friends and everything and I just...

- I only got one brother, she cut me, her voice so low and hoarse. 

She cleared her throat before continuing. 

- I can't handle to fight with you anymore. Not with all that other stuff.

I knew by the look on her face that the "other stuff" wasn't just Safaa. She wanted to talk. I sat on the mattress and she did the same thing. I grabbed her hand in mine, because I felt like she was about to break down again. 

- Remember that time when you said that I wouldn't be a good mother ? She asked me and I knew she was trying not to cry.

I nodded and she let a tear ran on her cheek. I remember that, it was in mi-august. 

- You know I was just angry, I told her. I didn't believed that.

- And you remember when I left for a week at my friend's lake house a bit later ?

I nodded again and she really tried not to break down again. I rubbed her back and she laid her head on my chest. 

- I... I was... 

She was breathing pretty heavily and her shoulder were shaking again. I knew she was crying again. 

- I was... pregnant and I just... I had an abortion...

I stopped breathing and my eyes get wide. Damn, I wasn't expecting that at all. I hold her even tighter and let her cried on my shoulder.

- You... You did that because of me ? I asked, trying to catch her eyes.

- No, not... Not completely but... It didn't helped...

- I'm sorry.

- It's nothing...

I would have said a thing if I knew that it was going to help. But it wasn't so I just hugged her. 

- Where were you last night ? I asked after a while, when she stopped to sob.

- At a party and... Kyle was there and he just... 

- Kyle was the...

She nodded before I can't finished.

- What happened ?

- I told him that I didn't wanted him near me because he left me all alone and... He didn't so I locked myself in the bathroom and I had to wait until everyone was gone to get out...

- I hate him.

She didn't said a thing back, she just wrapped her arms around my chest. "You didn't slept a lot, euh ?" I asked in a whispered and she shook her head. I made us laid down on the mattress and ran my fingers through her hair. I didn't wanted her to feel bad. I didn't wanted her to be hurt. I wanted none of my sister to feel that way. 

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Seriously, I want a big bro like Zayn, a lot. This entry is a bit long, my apologize for not posting everyday since a while... I just hope that you still like me. Because I do<3

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