365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 83

October 13th, 2009

It was a bad day, starting like any other. But it wasn't like any other. I waited until my dad had left to go upstairs, I eat something quickly and I went to the bus stop to go the school. It was boring, again and again. And the pain in my chest was becoming bigger and bigger every minute. Every time I had to see Eli talking to Derek, or him giving me that stupid smile. 

The thing that really broke that routine that was getting installed was when I get out of the school. I was walking slowly, looking down to my feet. That's why I saw them at the last moment. My "friends", making a circle on the small alley I was always taking when I was walking home. I couldn't changed my mind and take the bus, it was way too much at the last moment and it would had look weird. I passed by them, looking at no one.

- Hey, looser ! I heard Derek shouted. I think you lost your way, the rubbish dump is on the other side !

I heard their laughs. And I heard her's. Eli's one. It broke my heart even more than it already was. I looked over my shoulder, just to see them a second. Elizabeth was kissing Derek, a huge smile on her face. Derek was way too happy. Mark was laughing too, a bit weirdly and staring at Eli. I walked even faster, I just wanted to be home. To be alone and to cry. 

When I finally hit the driveway, I was really just about to explode. I came into the house, slamming the door. I ran upstairs, as Doniya was trying to tell me something I didn't wanted to hear. I went into my room and did the same thing that to the front door to mine. I was barely breathing, the pain was only destroying me. All I could hear, it was Eli's laugh. I don't know why, but it gets to me. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I knew I shouldn't picked it up. The words I saw put me even deeper in the pain. "Looser, weirdo, making out with your ex's best friend... You know who it is ? You, Zayn. It's you. I'm just glad Eli now have someone better than you. She always deserved better." I threw my phone over the room and it crashed in the middle of my "ZAP" painting. I walked up to the bathroom and passed my hand in the water I had open. Throwing it at my face. Tears went down my cheeks and I wanted to scream. The pain in my heart was only too heavy to handle. I saw my razor on the counter and nothing was stopping me now. What would I be loosing, by the way ? Nothing much. Eli wasn't giving a care about me, I had messed everything up, Mark was only my friend when we were alone and Derek was liking to see me suffer. So I just did it. I tried to broke my razor on the counter but it didn't worked. So I went back into my bedroom, running up to my drawings stuff. I took my sharpener and, with a small pen, I unscrewed the blade. I went back into the bathroom and locked myself in there. I sat on the floor, I wasn't feeling well at all. I was hurt, I was so damn hurt... I rolled my sleeves and I did the thing I was drawing since a while. I pressed the blade against my skin and it cut. I bit my lip not to scream, I cried even harder. It was my end. I had loose hope. 

When the blade slipped off my fingers, I just watched the blood rivers on my wrist. And I taught that things couldn't be worst. That I was touching way too much pain to handle more. I was wrong. Oh, I was so damn wrong...

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Soooooo an important entry, that one ! And I'm proud of how it came out, I was a bit stressed of writing it ! ^^ I hope you guys liked it and if not... I'm sorry, but it's not called "365 days of DARKNESS" for nothing !