365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 113

November 12th, 2009

I wasn't feeling like going to school. Not that day. So I just asked my Mom if I could miss it and stay at the hospital instead. I know she never believed me, but I was still allowed to stay in Safaa's room. We were alone most of the day, our Mom telling us that she had meeting for work. But I knew that it was with the doctor that she had meetings. Because Safaa wasn't getting better. No one was never saying a thing but... We could all see it. She wasn't as shining as before. She was starting to fade away. 

But she was still brighter than I was. 

It was passed mid-day when she started to get cold. So I get up to turn the heat up and, when I sat back down on the bed, I gave her my Varsity Jacket. I didn't thought about my scars. That I had removed the bandage in the morning and that we could easily see the cuts. Maybe I just didn't expected my sister to notice. We were laying in bed, watching the TV and her playing with my fingers. I wasn't really paying attention, my eyes were almost close and I was probably not so far away from falling asleep. I hadn't slept the night before, again. I felt her cold touch on one of my scar, which made me open my eyes. 

- What are those Zayn ? She asked, putting her head up to be able to look at me.

- Pain... I answered, sadly smiling.

- You're sad Zayn ?

I nodded and she laid her head on my chest, wrapping it with her small arms. It was like she was trying to protect me from everything that was out of her control. It was cute and even tough it wasn't changing a thing, it actually made me feel a bit better. 

- I know a girl that is sad too. She has marks on her wrist, like yours. But they were bigger. She told me that she is there because she had too much of them before. Now, she has butterflies over them. She said that it was representing someone she loves and that if she hurts the butterflies, she's going to hurt that person. The butterflies need to go away by themselves.

She stopped and I catched her eyes staring at me. I smiled a bit, still sad.

- Can I be your butterfly, Zayn ? She asked and she was so cute that I couldn't say no. 

- Of course, Princess. 

She smiled and I grabbed my bag that was at my feet. I found a permanent pencil and handed it to my sister. She grabbed my hand and turned my arm to show the sky my cuts. She started to draw and I did like it wasn't hurting. But on the new cuts, damn that it was. Safaa did plenty of butterflies, all over both of my arms. After she gave me the pencil back and that I put it into my bag, I kissed her forehead. I needed to leave, I know it would be some of her group activities soon. I put my jacket on and, as I was about to leave the room, she called me back.

- Remember Zayn. They need to go away by themselves.

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Safaa is the cutest kid ever. I don't know, she's just... ok,ok, i need to shut the fuck up.

Love u all, kiss all over u.