Bad Blood // Z.M A.U

47.

“You played me from the moment you saw me and continue to through the years for your own satisfaction and have no absolutely no fucking idea what damaged you caused to me and my loved ones. I disobeyed my damn parents for you because I fucking loved you and I made sure you didn’t go to jail for statutory rapē against me! I almost caused several problems between my parents because of you, so I will never forgive you for ruining my life because that’s what you did!

“You ruined every single aspect of it for your stupid game and satisfaction. I just wish I never ever met you so I that I wouldn’t be in this bullshiț. I was so fucķing stupid to ever beg you to take me with you.” I point the accusing finger as I watch him wipe away his tears.

If I could just turn back the time to the party four years ago and avoid Zayn at all costs, I would do it in a blink of an eye but maybe Dios had planned this for me whether I liked it or not.

Well this is most shittest part of my entire life.

Thank you Dios for throwing me under the damn bus.

“What about the baby that I lost? What do you have to say about that?”

I watch Zayn take a sharp breath, taken back my new topic that he probably wished I wouldn’t bring up but he should know better.

Carmelita does not forget anything, especially if it’s about her.

Before Zayn can answer me, he takes a seat in the armchair and watches me like a hawk. “You thinking of some shiţ excuse to tell me?”

“Carmelita... I never expected you to be on your death bed that night. I never thought that it would go that far but you have to understand that I was not ready and still I am not ready to have such a big responsibility. The timing wasn’t right for either of us and imagine if you were still pregnant? Sirus would have killed that baby and how would you feel about it? Would you rather lose the baby, having no idea you were actually pregnant or would you suffer all the pain of Sirus torturing you and that baby?

“I was scared and I panicked. I didn’t want you to think that you were pregnant so I had to act fast by giving you the abortion pill. I know that it tears you apart that you had a miscarriage and that it was probably your only chance to have a baby with me but I am just not ready to have children. I would say the same about you. Together we need to make sure that we can give our child a stable and safe life but with the way things are going on between us, you are better off without a child for now.

"You are only twenty years old Carmelita. You can do so many things now and a baby will tie you down right in this moment. You need wait a couple of years until you on your feet and know that you have someone who wants a family just as bad as you do.” Zayn explains calmly.

“I am not emotionally stable to take such a big responsibility as well as health wise. I have been struggling inside with anxiety, insomnia and my drųg addiction has taken a turn for the worst Carmelita. One night I felt like I was literally dying the way my body was going on. I would never ever want my child to see any of this shiť that is going on right now. I did the right decision for the both of Carmelita. You have to understand.”

“You could have at least had the audacity to tell me Zayn. That’s all. I would have taken the test to make sure and I could have done it the easy way. That’s all. Yes, it might have been fuckîng hard but I know that I am doing this for my child. To protect him or her from this nightmare.”

“I know but I know how adamant you are to have a baby with me, that’s why didn’t do it. Trust me, I didn’t want to do it the wrong way but was left no choice Carmelita.” Zayn murmurs.