How To Save A Life

Chapter Nineteen

I sat on the frozen grass with my back against the trunk of a tree, cigarette in my hand. Matt was a distance away from me, shooting targets with one of my shotguns. I wasn't feeling up to going shooting today but I decided to go because we both need a bit more practice before Mission Zero. Matt was doing way better with his aiming. My foot carelessly kept kicking a patch of left over snow near me.

"Are you going to shoot or what?" Matt asked me as he shot a bullet at a glass bottle on a log.

I shrugged and took a drag of my cigarette. "Maybe I'll just take a break from shooting today."

Matt stopped shooting and turned to me, the shotgun resting at his side. "You're the one who called me up this morning and asked if I wanted to go target shooting before I had to get to work."

"I just want you to have some more practice."

He sighed and walked over to me. "What's going on with you, man? You haven't been yourself lately."

I shrugged and took a drag of my cigarette. "Everything's just so surreal."

He nodded and sat down beside me, resting the gun on the ground beside him. "Are you thinking of backing out of the whole shooting?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm still going to do it. I don't know, the closer we get to the date the more down I get. Like I just want it to hurry up and be over with. You know?"

He sighed. "Colin, if you want to back out, I'll support you one hundred percent. We're in this together. I'll back you up no matter what." He pats my back.

"Thanks. But, I'm not backing out. I spent good money on these weapons and I am going to use them."

Matt grinned and picked up the shotgun, handing it over to me. "At least do five rounds before we go."

I grinned back and took the shotgun from him. "How many rounds are left in this?"

He shrugged. "Enough. Definitely more than five."

I nodded. "Okay." We both stood up. Matt walked over to the gun bag while I walked over to the targets. Matt pulled out a sawed off and a forty-round magazine . He popped the magazine into place before heading over to me. He has become an expert at putting in the magazines. I had to show him how a few times but eventually he got the hang of it. He very rarely asks for my assistance with the guns anymore. I was about to shoot my gun at my target when I started thinking of something. "Hey, Matt?"

He looked up from where he was loading his gun to look at me. "Yeah?"

I sighed, clutching the gun tight in my hand. "What have you been dreaming about lately?"

He turned back to his shotgun and started fixing it up. "Not much. Why do you ask?"

I shrugged. "I've been having these very vivid dreams about the massacre lately. Like I can see exactly how it's going to be. Is that normal?"

"I believe it's pretty normal that you are having those dreams. Especially, since we're so close to the shooting. It's just your conscience preparing you for it."

I nodded. "I wonder where we'll be after we die. Do you wonder that?"

He nodded back. "Of course, I do. Who wouldn't? But, anywhere is better than here."

"I wonder what a shotgun blast feels like. How huge do you think my exit wound will be? I hope it's the size of a golf ball."

He laughed. "You are the most disturbed teenage boy I have ever met."

I was silent for a moment, lost in thought. "Do you believe there is a God?"

He looked at me in confusion. "I wouldn't expect you out of all people to ask that."