How To Save A Life

Chapter Seventeen

Tuesday eventually came around. It would be my first day attending classes this month of March. I liked when I was in the detention center. I didn't have to deal with the jocks all week. I haven't even walked passed them in the hallways throughout the whole suspension. Tuesday was also my first day back at putting my things in my locker. Which was not fun. Justin and a few other jocks have lockers right down the hall from mine. My locker is near the main entrance so there's always a crowd around. I don't really care. It's so weird that I'll be killing these students in a couple months on my revenge against the school. It's weird looking at their smiling faces, not knowing that one of their classmates is currently planning the largest massacre at an American high school. The halls will be covered in blood. Windows in doors will be shot out. Lockers will be busted and holes will be shot out on the walls and ceilings. It's weird to picture it. All the damage my gun and pipe bombs will cause. I could already hear those fire alarms going off as I wander the school, shooting in any direction as I can. Smoke from my bombs will be clouding the halls. Students and teachers will be running out the exits with their hands behind their heads, screaming and crying. A news helicopter will film all that outside the school. Ambulances and swat teams will be around the school in no time. Students will be running and jumping over the bodies of their classmates. Outside, there will be dead bodies being pulled to the side. Who knows how long it will take for the swat team to find my body. By the time they get to me, it will be over. My head will be damaged from my shotgun blast. My blood spread all around me. They will be taking pictures and releasing them to the media. A picture of my dead body will be all over the internet.

"Well, look who is back!" I turned my head to see Justin and the other jocks walking towards me.

I quickly finished putting a couple books in my book bag and shut my locker. All I wanted was to head to class and get out of these halls.

Justin laughed. "Hey, where are you going?"

I didn't even get five feet away from my locker when Justin and a couple of his friends came up behind me, grabbing my arms and pulling me to the ground.

"Come on," I cried out. They pinned me to the ground as Justin poured water on my face. I tried to move away but jocks were crowding every inch around me. "Let go of me!" I tried yelling to the ones holding me down.

"Okay," Justin said and his friends let go. Justin dumped the rest of the water on the ground. "You know what?" Justin said to his friends. "We're not done."

"Yes, you are," I said.

Justin and a few others grabbed my arms and spun me around in the water Justin spilled on the ground. They soon pushed me into a janitors closet door and since there was water everywhere, it was easy for me the slide across the floor.

They all laughed while the other students in the hall just stared, not knowing what else to do.

I got to my feet, steaming in anger. I wanted him and every jock in this school dead. They're the first ones I'll get. I didn't say anything and grabbed my book bag which laid on the ground and walked away.

I walked towards Matt who was standing at his locker, putting books away. His locker was in a different hallway so he didn't see what happened. Matt looked at me once he could see me in the corner of his eye. "Wow, what happened to you?" My clothes were soaking wet and my face and hair were dripping. Water dripped from my hat.

I took off my hat and shook my hair a bit, trying to dry it. "Justin happened." I wiped the water off my hat and put it back on.

He closed his locker and leaned against it while looking at me. "Just a few more months."

I squeezed the collar of my shirt, trying to get the water off. "I can't wait."

"What fags," A jock laughed as he walked past us.

"I hate this school," I said still trying to get the water off my shirt.

"Me too."

I wiped the water from my face and sleeves. "I'll get my revenge. Get those who have wronged me."

***

It was my first time eating lunch in the cafeteria for a week. Nothing has changed. Everyone sat with their cliques. Outcasts and nerds sitting as far away from the jocks as possible. We still sat in the middle of the cafeteria, trying to keep as far away from the jocks as possible. Absolutely nothing has changed. Not like I would expect it. Everything has been the same for years. Every clique. Every routine. Everything.

"So, I was thinking once you guys are ungrounded that we could all get together and just hang out. Watch a movie or play video games or something," Josh offered while he uncapped his water.

I ran my hands down my face. During my free period, I drove home to change my clothes. I was not going to walk around school like that all day. "I'm extremely stressed and busy."

"You know what?" Matt cut in. "That is exactly why we should do it. Who knows where we'll be after high school? We won't have many more opportunities like this."

I shrugged. "I guess."

"So, it's settled?" Josh said. "Hangout once you guys are ungrounded?"

"Definitely." Matt said and leaned over, clapping Josh's hand.

I rested my head on my arms laying on the table. I haven't been in a great mood lately. The realization is just now really hitting me about what's going to happen in May. I should be excited to finally end it all but I only feel depressed. I'm barely eating anymore and my mood has been dropping badly.

Josh frowned when he saw me. "Colin, what's the matter?"

I shook my head. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it." I took out my phone and started flipping it open and closed.

I was in desperate need of a cigarette but I was all out. I've been smoking a lot lately. Smoking soothes me and I've been stressed and angry all the time lately which caused me the relieve that by smoking, which was a lot.

Hopefully, my plan works out and I could end it all because I don't think I can last another moment on this planet. Could these months go by any slower?

KNOW THE SIGNS:

-Perpetrators of self-harm or violence towards others may be victims to long-term bullying and may have real or perceived feelings of being picked on or persecuted by others.

-Extreme feelings of isolation or social withdrawal due to real or perceived actions of others can lead to further withdrawal from society.

-Victim of constant social rejection or marginalization.

-Sudden increase in withdrawing from other people and activities.

-Major change in eating or sleeping habits.

-Feelings of hopelessness, guilt or worthlessness (leading indicator to self-harm)

-Significant personality change

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