How To Save A Life

Chapter Fourteen

I groaned and sat in my desk chair. Trying to make sense of what was currently happening. After a while, I pulled my cellphone out of my pocket and decided to call Matt. Maybe his parents didn't ground him yet. I dialed his cell number and waited for the dial tone to stop which felt like forever. Right when I was about to give up and hang the phone up on him the dial tone cut off and he answered.

"Hey," He said first, sounding a bit depressed. "My mom hates you at the moment."

"Not like that's new." I knew his mom and dad hated me, especially recently. Though Matt and I have been friends for years his parents thought I have become a bad influence but they never stopped us from hanging out.

"They don't want me seeing you outside of school for the rest of the week." He paused for a minute. "My mom is sending me to a fourteen-day counseling session."

I whistled. "Man, that sucks."

"What about you? How bad is your punishment?"

I clicked my tongue. "Didn't get one yet. I just stormed to my room when my parents said I was grounded."

He chuckled lightly trying to lighten the mood. "Maybe we shouldn't mess with the law anymore."

I chuckled back. "Trust me, we'll be breaking many more eventually."

He was silent for a moment. "I don't know, Colin. Maybe we should just back out of the plan before it gets too complicated."

"It's supposed to be complicated," I said sort of angry. "Things like this take time. You and I both want revenge and we are going to get it."

"You seriously aren't at all concerned that we will get caught?"

I shook my head to myself. "No. The plan is full proof. There's no way that we will get caught." I looked at the plans and diagrams scattered on my desk. There's no way anyone would suspect the loners and quiet kids to do something so massive. "Don't worry. I got it sorted out. All you have to do is tag along." I paused when I saw a diagram I printed out of how to properly saw off a gun. "You want to try to sneak out this weekend for target practice? You can use my rifle."

He sighed. "Colin, my parents will have me under lock and key. I bet they'll only let me out to go to work."

I groaned. "Come on. You and I both need some practice."

"If I find the opportunity, I'll go out but for right now I'm not so sure." He sighed. "Can't you take Josh or Kyle with you?"

"No, they don't believe me about the shooting. Only you. They'll just think I'm overdramatic if they come along." I grabbed a razor from my box and fiddled with it in my hand as I spoke, leaving a few scratches on my palm. "I still need to work on the propane bombs for the library."

"How many bombs are you making?"

I looked at the razor in my hand, still fiddling with it. "I don't know yet. Maybe three or four. Two for the library and two diversion ones."

"That's actually pretty clever."

"Yeah, draw attention away from the school so we have a better chance of doing this without being stopped by the police."

"Awesome." He was quiet for a moment. "Colin, I have to go. I hear my mom coming. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see you tomorrow." We both hung up and I placed my phone on my desk. I fiddled with the razor as my eyes landed on the framed photo on my desk of me and my brother back when I was in middle school and he was a freshman in high school. It was us sitting on the grass just goofing around during an Easter picnic. I remember that day so clearly. It was one of the happiest days in my life. It's weird looking at that picture just to realize that the little boy will go on to one day plan to commit mass murder and suicide. It's weird how much six years can change a person.

I looked away from the picture and looked at the razor in my hand. Not believing that this is who I became. I brought the razor up to my wrist and cut my flesh. Blood falling down my arm. It didn't hurt. I was numb. I couldn't feel anything anymore. I just want my life to end already. I never knew a person could hate life this much.

KNOW THE SIGNS:

-Gestures of violence and low commitment or aspiration toward school, or a sudden change in academic performance can be a sign that someone needs help.

-Lack of coping, anger management and/or conflict resolutions skills.

-Feelings of hopelessness, guilt or worthlessness (leading indicator to self-harm)

-Homicidal Ideation