Over Again ~ Sequel to Loverboy - Nathan Sykes Fanfic.

Chapter 21. || "Fears and weaknesses."

It was just what I expected. Maybe with a little less pain and agony as people described it. Well, maybe just a little pain at first, but once Nathan told me to relax it had been Awesome! Yes, with a capital A and exclamation mark included.

But a part of me was still wandering in remote and blurry corners in my mind that I could not understand. Some of the pain, the despair... It was so well known.

Still, doing it with him was the best experience. It was like I was floating in the air, and that gravity would attract me back to earth causing a tickle in my tummy. It was as if every nerve in my body caught fire at once, as if my senses became more powerful and sharp.

And now he was there, curled up with me, wrapping his arms on my waist from behind, slowly breathing on my neck, ruffling my hair. I felt the wild beating of his heart drumming against my chest trying to catch up with mine.

—Wow. —I took a breath.

—Wow indeed. —He repeated.

I turned around in his arms to face him, his face just a few painful millimeters away. —And this is what I've been missing from my entire life?

He smiled. —Apparently. —He kissed my forehead.

I exhaled through the nose.—I thought you knew that... You know... That you were the first one.

—Well Patrick touched you in ways that made ​​me think that he had already took the flower away from you.

I winced at the name, and suddenly I was too aware of Nathan's hands around me, our chests together... It felt wrong.

But I still snorted —Well, no. I was going to give my flower to someone who I truly loved. 

Nathan stared at my lips, and then after they almost seemed to break before his eyes, he gave me a little kiss. I bit my lower lip once he took off. —Can I ask you another question? —I whispered.

—Sure. —He said, without taking his eyes off mine.

—Last year, in Paris... When I tried to do this with you told me you didn't want to hurt me... What did you mean?

He looked at the wall behind me with glassy eyes, as if the memory were smoke and it was irritating his vision.

—Well, I said it because... —he hesitated—. Because I was afraid that it will cause you any damage. You see, there are bad people in this world, very bad people, Ashley. Alcoholics, sex addicts, drug users... And I... There was a time when I was out of control, God knows how many women I cheated and slept with, but I hit bottom. And that night I thought maybe if I liked to do it with you too much, I was going to start abusing you or something. I did not think I would have self-control, because, God—his jaw clenched, and he took a lock of my hair and put it behind my ear—, I like you so much, Ashley, and I love you, so I don't want that to happen you you, let alone be the culprit. And that is why my past and I don't deserve you and every day I wake up thinking about the day you'll leave me because you realize that I am a monster and that I don't deserve you...

Suddenly it all made sense. —I love you, and I will not leave you, I promise. —I relied my forehead against his.

—I hope that you don't find me disgusting. That's in the past, when my life was empty and you were gone and I was out of control. —He took my face in his hands and kissed the tip of my nose.

—When was that?

—When did I start to have sex with anyone that fell into my tramps?

Well, I would not have used the same word choice.