Over Again ~ Sequel to Loverboy - Nathan Sykes Fanfic.

Chapter 2. || "love him, love him not?"

Boston, Massachusetts. 
Early March, 2012. 

+ + + 

- can I take a blood sample from you? - Roxanne asked from across the room, her eyes stuck in her laptop's monitor, the glow coming out of it illuminating her face. 

I gave her a blank look and ate a chip from the chips bag I had on my lap. My lack of response made her look away from her laptop. She stared at me with her eyebrows raised, waiting for an answer. - you serious? - I asked her. 

- no, I'm just fooling around. - she said sarcastically, and for a vague moment I felt that she was telling me the truth, though she still was staring at me. - of course I'm being serious! I need it for biology class. - 

- take your own sample. - I said, guiding another chip towards my mouth. 

- I can't. Dr. Robbinson said it had to be from another person. - she sighed. - c'mon Ash. Don't be a quitter. - 

- go ask Josh for his blood. - I said and rolled my eyes at her. I immediately felt bad for it and sighed. - Ro, you know I love you and all but I'm a wimp for needles and syringes and all your medical stuff. I'm sorry. - 

- bah, it's okay. I'll ask somebody that likes all my medical stuff. - she winked at me, but the purpose was to make fun of me. 

It's been a tough ride, and at the beginning I was being a bitch, I had to admit, but I finally convinced myself that Roxanne was the total opposite of Mary. She was extremely down-to-earth and didn't even think nearly as much about herself as Mary used to. You just had to see the expression in her eyes when she talked about medicine, they just simply lit up from excitement. She would talk to everyone about blood and neurons and things that nobody except her would understand, but I knew the real reason why everybody listened to her: the passion in her voice was just inevitable. Having a friend like her made me realize that maybe I wasn't alone in this world. 

But then again, I always had the thought that something might go wrong again, and she'd turn into a person that I used to know, and losing my best friend (again) would be as hurtful as a break-up. 

I remember the first weeks when she moved in with me. Rumors were going around in the campus that I used to date famous Nathan Sykes, from The Wanted. I had to admit, I did have the intention of moving on, but it wasn't that easy with every single girl in my dorm asking me how good he was in bed, and every boy around campus wondering how a girl like me got with someone like him. I tried hard not to think about him, since it made my heart ache, but again, trying not to think about him was a way of thinking about him. 

I was afraid that Roxanne would be one of those crazy fans out there, until the day after we met she entered the room and asked: - wait, your last name's Underwood, right? - 

I drew my lips into a thin line. - um, yes. Why? - 

- OH MY GOD YOU DATED NATHAN SYKES, RIGHT???!!!!! - she exclaimed. 

My stomach twisted at his name and at the fact that she knew. Well, whatever, sooner or later she had to find out, but it would've been so much nicer if it was me who told her. - please don't say you're another one of the stalkers. - I touched my forehead with my hand. 

- ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!!!!! THE SUN GOES DOWN, THE STARS COME OUT, AND ALL THAT COUNTS...... - she started singing Glad You Came, The Wanted's most famous single till day, but then stopped. My heart flipped over, as I remembered the first time we kissed... I was drunk, but I still remembered his sweet and soft lips molding up to mine, the warmth emanating from his body.... Roxanne's laugh sent me off my trails. - just joking. I waste a lot of my time, but not by admiring a teen-aged boy-band that doesn't even give a damn about my existence. I knew it would freak you out. - 

I didn't notice it, but I was holding my breath. I breathed again. - so you're saying you're not a fan. - I said, but it sounded more like a question than an actual affirmation. 

- 'course not. I mean, they're talented and everything, but I have a lot of things to do in my life and I'm not willing to go around them like a zombie. I personally think it's pathetic. - she rolled her eyes with a gesture from her hands. 

I smiled maliciously. After that thing, I knew we were going to be really close friends. 

- so, are you going out with Josh tonight? - I asked, standing and putting my slippers on, relieved that it was finally friday. 

- yeah, I think he's in his way here. - Roxanne told me, and just in that second there was a knock on the door. 

- talking about the king of Rome... - I said as she stood up, putting my hoodie on. Actually, Nathan's, but, um, yeah. 

Roxanne opened up the door and a handsome Josh, whose arm was relied on the door's mark, kissed her. They backed away and I got closer to them to say hello to him. 

- sup Layz. - Josh's nickname for me. He pulled me into a friendly hug. 

- nothing Bosh what about you? - Bosh was my nickname for him. See, I considered this guy my brother. 

Josh was really tall, almost 4 inches taller than Roxanne, who was 1 or 2 inches taller than me. He was really handsome, though, but probably Roxanne would kill me for saying that about him. His muscles were well-defined, his hair was in the perfect point between brown and black, and his eyes were also in the perfect point between gray and blue. Roxanne always told me how easily she got lost in them. And that's true, though I never dare to look at him in the eyes -since I'm afraid of looking at people straight in the eyes- I could tell his eyes were beautiful. He came with the whole package: apart from being extremely handsome, he was the coolest guy ever. I mean, I always hanged out with Roxanne and him, and would you believe me when I say that he didn't make me feel like the third wheel? Roxanne used to refer at us three as the three musketeers. He was funny, eloquent and charming. Plus, he totally understood Roxanne, since he was studying medicine too, except he was a year ahead of her. If Roxanne wouldn't have been my best friend, I'd be really jealous of her. She was really lucky. 

This night I wasn't going out because I was tired. They were upset at first, but I insisted that sometimes a couple needed more privacy, right? Plus, Jay had promised he'll call me that night and I wanted to be alone if he called. 

So, I've been talking to Jay ever since Nathan and I broke up, not because he wanted to give me advices on how to deal with my first heartache, but because he argued that he wasn't going to break our friendship because I broke with the liaison that got us together. At first I was really concerned and surprised, since Jay and I have had our more-than-friends moments, but then he managed to take away that awkwardness and that's how our weekly calls began. 

A part of me said that I only did it to keep in touch with one part of Nathan's life, but I didn't want to accept it. Jay was my best friend, ever. 

One thing I couldn't deny was that I had felt something for Jay, but that was when I first met him, when I was starting to date Nathan. Over time, I left that in the pass, but there was a question going around in my head: did I feel something for him right now? No. At least, I hoped so. I saw how mine and Nathan's friendship ended because we made the wrong decision to make it into a relationship, and I didn't want that to happen with Jay. But there was something about his deep blue eyes, that made me feel transparent, about his delicious accent, his twisted sense of humour and practical jokes, and his sweet scent of alcohol and beer.... I knew I couldn't smell him, but oh dear, that scent was to exceptional to forget it. I saw him like twice a month via Skype and just couldn't take it anymore. 

But I wasn't falling. I knew there was something missing. Chemistry? We sure had lots of it. Maybe it's just that what I felt for Nathan couldn't compare to anything I've ever felt. I mean, I didn't even like Jay, I was just tempted. We were stuck in that mind-losing place between the friendzone and more than friends. And I knew I wasn't ready to love again. 

- Are you there Ashley? - Roxanne snapped her fingers in my face. 

I felt how the blood rushed into my cheeks. - yeah, just that um.. - 

- yeah, you're crazy, Layz. We know that. - Josh cut me off and joked. I pushed him playfully in the arm. 

- have fun without me, you guys. - I told them as they both flashed smiles at me. They closed the door behind them and I made my way to my bed. 

For a second, I placed my head in my pillow and closed my eyes for a moment. Suddenly, the sweet smell of humidity with a change of men's aftershave filled the air, something that seemed to cleanse my fears away. I wanted to draw myself closer to the memory, but I decided to hold back. The smell seemed to be sour, but sweet, comforting but unwelcoming. Similar to a trap, once you're in, you can't get out. It seemed to be a spell, a spell that led to symptoms of lust, attraction, envy, longing. The hoodie still smell like him. 

I started to remember last summer, and all the beautiful times that came with it. How the sun hit my face, how gently he held my hand, how his lips tested.... I opened my eyes with a start. If something was worse than remembering, was feeling it. 

I was such a masochist the day I got that hoodie. I should've left it in the plane. But still.... I wanted to keep him with me. I wanted to feel that I still had him. I was willing to move on from him, but that hoodie was like an anchor, holding me down and making me drown 8 feet when I've already swam 2, always making me run again into his arms, into his memory. I liked to think that he still liked me, that he felt the same way about me, because I knew he wasn't the one who broke up with me, there was something about his eyes that night.... 

My ringtone blew away my thoughts. 

I got my phone from my night table without opening my eyes or moving and placed it at my ear. - Bird. - I said, knowing for sure it was Jay. 

- am I interrupting something? You sound.... gone. - he said at the other end of the line. 

I rolled my eyes. - let's try again then. - I made a pause. - HELLO THERE JAYBIRD!! - I exclaimed. - better this time? - 

- yes, thank you so much for that welcoming greet, Ashley. - he chuckled. - how are you? - 

- fine. I was just... reading. - I lied. - how are you? - 

And so Jay and I could talk all night if we wanted to, and he made me feel that it was right, but I didn't allow myself. He made feel comfortable and the conversation never got bored. He was just the perfect guy. But man, I was tired. I said good-bye to Jay and hanged up the call, and stood up to turn off the light of the bedroom. 

I snuggled up in my bed, hugging myself as the scent of Nathan still danced in the room. And for a second I fell in love..... 

But no. 

He was a jerk. How could I possible think about him in that way? He was stupid. And a bastard. And a douchebag. And an idiot. And I still probably can name one thousand more names for him, but it doesn't have point. I'm probably the one who's still suffering, who can't move on from her first real love. Sometimes I liked to think that Nathan was the only one suffering and couldn't get pass me, and he was dying inside.... Because it made me feel good. But it was impossible. His life still moved on and he was busy, and let's face it, he could have millions of girls screaming his name with the snap of his fingers. He probably didn't even remember me... 

I tried to call him several times and he called me several times, but I was too proud to take it. I read messages from him asking if I hated him, and man, hate is a long way from what I feel towards him, but I was too hurt and I wouldn't reply. Now that he didn't even call in my birthday, I wish I could take back those days were I could still make something out of us. Now, I just have the hope that he will come begging in his knees and crawling towards me. 

But I was being stupid. Because he thought that I was crazy. He thought that I had issues and problems. 

And I thought that he was the only one for me. 

«I bet this time of night you're still up. I bet you're tired from a long hard week. I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city. And I hope sometimes you wonder about me.

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you, because each time you reach out there's no reply, I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say "Hello" to you and risk another goodbye.

And I just wanna tell you, it takes everything in me not to call you, and I wish I could run to you and I hope you know that every time I don't, I almost do,

We made quite a mess, babe, it's probably better off this way. And I confess, babe, in my dreams you're touching my face and asking me if I wanna try again with you... And I almost do.»