Good Girls Bad Guys (A Ronnie Radke Fanfiction)

Can't Feel My Face

I drive for hours- all night, really, until the sun starts to rise in the sky. I lay my head on the steering wheel and sigh, wondering how I could've fucked my life so bad. I had the most wonderful thing in the world, and I threw it away in a drunken haze and didn't even try to make it right. He didn't either, but he didn't rub salt in the wound like I did tonight.

I make it home and rush inside the empty house, flopping onto my bed upstairs and crying into the silence.

Why can't I be more like my sister, loyal and honest to the end? Why do I have to destroy every bit of light, every good thing that wanders its way into my dark, fucked-up life? I want to be happy, truly happy, for once and I was with Ronnie, but I make one mistake and I blow the whole thing up in my face.

I don't deserve this life, why am I here? Why do I deserve to be here when there are so many good people getting their lives taken, lives that I would happily give up for my own? I don't do anything but hurt people, I suck all the joy and happiness in the world into myself and spit out hatred and bitterness, dark and terrible things that shouldn't have to happen.

Like Ronnie.

He doesn't deserve what I did to him, at all. He deserves the world and more, and that's what he had, until I mistakenly stumbled into his life and brought him nothing but hurt and pain. I hurt him on a way that's unforgivable, I took his trust and threw it away, then took his love and ripped it to shreds in front of his face, spitting on it and stomping it into the ground with my shoe.

I roll over on my side and curl up into a fetal position, pulling the blanket over me, when all of a sudden I feel like someone is watching me. I whip into a sitting position and scan the room, searching the shadows for movement. Then I feel a rough hand grip my arms and pin them to the bed, a body climbing on top of me and pinning my legs down.

"Where are your little friends now, huh?" He asks, his alcohol-soaked breath spewing across my face and invading my nostrils. I gag, and it takes everything in me not to throw up on him.

"Get off of me," I growl, looking him in the eye. "I'm not your sex toy."

"Yes the fuck you are," He says, spit flying into my face. "You've been mine since the day I met your whore ass."

"I'm not a whore," I say, seething. "I never have been. You're scum, a rapist, and I'm going to call the police if you don't stop."

"They didn't believe you last time, why would they this time?" He laughs, grinning and showing his rotten teeth. "Besides, it's not rape if you like it, and I know you do."

"Ronnie will come looking for me," I say, spewing out bullshit as I start to panic. I've been trying to throw him off but I'm a lot weaker than I used to be, and he's a lot stronger than I remember. "Vic, too. They'll find you and kick the shit out of you."

"Why would they?" He says. "Your beloved Ronnie hates you. You whored around with Vic and betrayed him, hurt him, why would he come running?"

"Vic will," I say. "Vic loves me."

"You stupid thing, don't you know he's only using you to make Ronnie jealous? He doesn't care about you, no one does. You're nothing but trouble and I think you need to be punished."

*WARNING!!! GRAPHIC CONTENT AHEAD, HE RAPES HER, SKIP OVER IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO READ*

I struggle under his grip as he starts unbuttoning his pants with one hand, holding my arms down with the other. When did I allow myself to become so weak?

I flop around like a fish out of water, screaming for someone, anyone, to help me. I try to kick my legs, but he has them pinned and I can't do anything but lay there helpless as he rips my pants down.

I continue to scream until my voice gives out, and even then I still silently scream hoping someone will somehow hear me and save me. No one does though, and I'm forced to lay there as he shoves inside of me, the feeling of knives tearing at my nether region. He grabs a fistful of my hair and yanks it, pain searing through my scalp as I'm sure more than a few hairs are pulled out. I silently cry, tears streaming down the sides of my face as he thrusts.

"Moan for me," He commands. I shake my head, knowing I'll get punished for it, but I refuse to give him the luxury of thinking he's pleasuring me on any way. "Moan!" He shouts, spit flying, and I again shake my head, a silent defiance.

I hear a crack and my vision turns white as he slaps me, pain searing through my wet cheek. "You whore! I know you like this, fucking moan!"

"No," I say, my voice so sore that it barely comes out a raspy whisper. I know a punishment is coming, and I'm proven right when he grabs my throat in his large hand, squeezing my airways shut.

I don't try to struggle against his grip, instead laying there limp as I struggle to breathe and my vision darkens. My face goes numb, then the rest of my body begins to grow cold, losing all feeling. I gasp for one last breath as the room turns black, and I fall through space into unconsciousness.