Good Girls Bad Guys (A Ronnie Radke Fanfiction)

Memories

*Katrina*

Jacky and I reach the bus, and he opens the door. All of a sudden, I'm really nervous. What if they don't like me? What if I freak out on them and they kick me out? What if they think I'm a weirdo? Especially Ronnie - I look up to him, he's my idol. It was because of him that I stayed strong and kept my head up when all I wanted to do was fall to the ground, dead. It was because of him that I pushed through the withdrawal of heroin and alcohol.

Oh, the withdrawal. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. Well... Besides what made me start alcohol and heroin in the first place... Anyway; more painful than the beatings I took daily that inspired me to start working out so I could defend myself.

Withdrawal is horrible, and I wouldn't wish anyone through that pain. I had a daily fever of 102; I had done heroin so long, my body was so used to it. It felt like someone ripped out one of my vital organs and forced me to live without it. I had stomach pains so bad it felt like I was being stabbed repeatedly; I always had a migraine that made me feel like someone was taking a railroad spike and ramming it through my brain. I shook constantly, and was always sweating, even though I was freezing. It felt like I was underwater, breathing through a straw. I got barely enough air to survive, and it was torture. I was weak, and I couldn't even go to the bathroom myself.

Then, after seven months, the fever broke in my sleep. My body slowly got used to living without heroin. Though I would still get hit with rock-solid withdrawal symptoms that would leave me sudden breathless and unable to move, I slowly got better.

And the entire time - through the stomach pains, migraines, fevers, cold sweats, weakness and shaking - I thought of Ronnie. I'd whisper to myself all the time, Be strong. If Ronnie can do it, you can, too. You can do this. You'll get through this. No matter how bad it feels now, think of how much better it will feel later. Stay strong. Ronnie did, and look at him. You can do this. Fight, fight, fight.

Through the beatings I took every day; the girls' blows to my stomach, my sides, my legs, everywhere the counselours and guards couldn't see. And I didn't tell them, because that would only make the next beating worse. They'd beat me until I was bruised from my knees to my chest, and they'd drag me back to my room and throw me inside. If anyone questioned what they were doing, they'd say they saw me faint from the withdrawal pains and they were helping me back to my bedroom.

They were the goodie-goodies, the suck ups, whenever the counselours or guards were around, so of course, their story was believed.

Even through all that, I kept telling myself to stay strong. It was like a chant in my head, one I repeated to myself every time I felt like dying. Every time I wanted to hang myself with my bedsheets from my closet's hangar bar. Every time I wanted to smash my head into the wall until I died.

Ronnie did it, so can you. Fight, girl, fight. Don't you give up now. You've come too far. Fight for it. If Ronnie can fight for it, so can you.

I stayed strong, I fought, and eventually, the shakes stopped completely. The fevers didn't come back, the stomach pains and weakness were gone.  Yeah, I still got my share of beatings every day, but they weren't as bad, because I was stronger, and I could defend myself more. Their words still got to me, but I kept chanting to myself.

Ronnie did it, so can you. Ronnie did it, so can you.

After two years in that hell hole, I was set free. My freedom was three days ago. And God damn, it feels good. I love every second of it, though I'm not used to it. I wake in the mornings to find myself thinking about what names I would get called that day, and how bad of a beating I'd get.

But I don't have to worry about that anymore.

I'm free. And it feels so good to say it.

A/N
I literally do nothing most of the time, so I'm usually free to update a lot. If I'm not, though, please don't worry, I'm sure you will survive. Plus, I always make sure to end a chapter on a good stopping point, so you won't be left with a cliffhanger. I might, though, throw one in there sometimes. Just to be evil.

Mwahahahahaha.

Anyways, thanks for reading, and don't be afraid to comment ideas, OCs you want, bands you'd like, OCs you want with a certain band member from any band, et cetera. I'll try my best, I promise (because I might not know so of the bands you guys ask for [if you ask for them] but I'll make sure to look them up).

I hope you enjoy!