Thoughtless (UNDER EDITING)

Chapter 45 (Under Editing)

{Deans POV}

The word 'fiance' punches me in the stomach, and I suddenly want Balthazar dead. Why didn't she tell me that she is engaged? What am I thinking? She didn't remember anything when we first found her, so what would make her remember that? Still, though it's selfish, I didn't want her to remember whatever she and Balthazar had together.

"We were set to get married," his voice cracks, "and then the angels fell and I hadn't seen her since."

Everything happens so fast, I grab Balthazar by the collar of his shirt and lift him into the air, and then throw him to the ground. Sam wraps his arms around me and tries to contain my temper, but he's too late. I rip out of his grip and hear a sickening snap as I fling his arms away. Sam cries out and crumples to the ground behind me.

"Sam!" Callie calls out and rushes for him, but I'm not taking my eyes off of the feathery asshole in front of me.

I see red as I roll my sleeves up, gesturing to Balthazar to 'bring it on.' I want nothing more than to punch his lights out, and to see the life leave his eyes when I shove an angel blade through his chest.

"Dean," Callie pleads, and I stop. Turning around to look at her, I see her cradling Sam in her arms and he's holding his left arm to his chest, panting heavily. "You don't need to do this, obviously we're all a little high strung right now. We don't need to fight each other!"

She makes a valid point, but I don't want to end this just yet. Holding my finger up to her, I turn back to Balthazar, and he's standing a few feet away from me. He looks like a broken man, and that makes something deep in my stomach churn in delight. Raising my fist and running at him, he falls to his knees in surrender.

"I give up," he barely whispers and I stop in my tracks. "Obviously she wants you, considering the fact that she gave her purest asset to you."

Is he talking about her virginity? How did he know about that?

"I have been keeping tabs on her for a while," he admits, his feet never leaving the mulched ground, "I wanted to make sure that she was alright, considering that she doesn't even remember me or anything of her former life."

The look on his face is somewhere between disappointment and heartbreak. I feel a pang of sadness well up inside of me for him, though I don't particularly care for Balthazar, I know what it's like to lose Cassie over and over again. No one should have to go through that kind of pain, and I wouldn't even wish it on Lucifer himself.

"Can we just go home and come up with another plan?" Callie is on the verge of tears as she tries to make Sam focus on her. This whole thing is a mess. I hated seeing Cassie so helpless as she got pulled back into that vortex of solitude.

I nod and take one last look at Balthazar before I help Sam up and head back to the car.

...

"How does that feel?" Callie asks my brother after she resets the bone in his arm and places it in a sling. He nods at her and smiles warmly. Sometimes I wonder if he loves Callie, he looks at her like she's something special. I wonder if I look at Cassie the same way.

"Dean?" Sam grabs my attention and rises from the chair that he's been in for two hours now. He makes his way over to me and sits across the mahogany table. His face is pale and I can feel bile begin to rise in the back of my throat because I know that I'm the one who did this to him. I acknowledge him and then turn my eyes back to the book that I am reading. It's a Men of Letters book on 'Breaking Into Heaven 101.'

"Dean?" Sam says again, this time clearing his throat. I slam the book shut and run my hand over my face. I haven't slept in days, and the exhaustion is making my vision blurry.

"I'm sorry," I blurt, trying to avoid eye contact with him. "Things got out of hand back there. I didn't mean to break your arm."

Sam chuckles and brushed off my apology, "Dean, you're worried about Cassie, I know that. You don't have to apologize." He shifts uncomfortably in his seat and, from the way that his face twists, I can tell that he is in pain. "I just want us to work as a team. That's the only way that we're ever gonna get her back."

"So we need a plan," Callie barges in on our conversation and places her hands on the back of Sams chair. In another universe, they could be perfect for each other. Maybe they would get married and have a few kids; throw dinner parties every Friday night. Sam thought that was what Jessica was going to be to him, but then he went home to find her on the ceiling and he almost got burned alive. My purpose is to protect him, well, it was to protect him; lately, I feel like I haven't been doing such a good job at being his older brother. When Cassie came into the picture, and I feel like I've found a new focus, a better focus. Sam has made it very clear over the years that he is more than capable of taking care of himself. Lately, it has felt like we haven't even been brothers. It's almost like we've been two strangers passing in the night, faking a smile to one another to ensure each other that everything is okay. And I'm not happy with that.

"Sammy," my voice almost fails me.

His eyes lock on mine and he cocks his head to the side, almost as if he hadn't heard the term of endearment from me in years.

"I love you," I finish.

A smile flashes across his face, and this time it's a real smile. None of that faking it bullcrap that we've been shooting.

"I love you too, Dean," and when he says it, I hear the voice of his eight-year-old self again.

(A/N: I actually enjoy the hell out of this chapter! There is a whole lot of character development for Dean, and I love seeing that in books that I read. I don't know about you guys, but I dig the hell out of chick flick moments. How is everyone? Let me know in the comments, and if there's something deep that any of you ever want to talk about, just let me know and I'll message you as soon as I can! Please vote and tell your friends about this story! Honestly, this book is my baby, and I've been writing it since I was fifteen; and on the 22nd I'm going to be turning nineteen. That seems like a long time to be writing some silly fanfiction, but writing is my passion. I want you all to know that you should never let anyone down anything that you do, never let anyone diminish that fire in you! That is who you are and that is what you strive to be! I love you all so so much and I look forward to seeing you in the next chapter! Carry on my wayward sons and daughters. Always keep fighting.

~Nikki Xx))