The Girl I Met In December.

Chapter Eighteen.

Chapter Eighteen.

I always thought I was strong but Clayton had ripped into me hard. It hit a dark spot in my mind which I had been hiding pretty much my whole life.
Ashby had been right that night.
I didn't express my feelings because I was too scared to. Scared people would leave so it all just turned into anger and violence instead but right now I didn't feel like I have the power to be angry or kick out at someone.
Instead I somehow found myself in front of my Mom's grave. I had been here a couple times when I found out where she had been buried once I moved into my first care home because my fuckhead of a dad had never told me or shown me.
She was buried here because apparently she liked the trees that grew at the entrance, silver back trees to be precise. They reminded her of fairies and other mythical creatures, supposedly. My mom had always been an imaginative person, even I could remember that, I also remembered how she'd use to paint when my dad was out and how she put me on her lap so I could see what she was painting. That part was blurry, I never remembered what she was painting exactly, all I knew was it was bright and colourful.
Her grave however, was not. The dark stone had slowly begun collecting different types of moss and the flowers that lay before it couldn't even be called that anymore but her name still craved out perfectly against everything. Cassandra Stone, loving mother and fiancée. Which just annoyed me as when she was alive she went by the name Cassie most of the time because she thought Cassandra was too serious.
I found my eyes tearing up, a lump growing in my throat. I had so many questions that I could never get answers to. Why did she leave me? Why is my fault? Did she not want me? I wondered if she had ever loved me because it just seemed so easy for her to leave. Now the tears started to fall and felt like a right idiot. I promise myself I wouldn't cry ever again. That crying was a weakness, I wiped my eyes before sitting in front of her stone. Staring at my hands that were half my skin colour and the other half a watery grey colour.
God, man up Donnie; they were just words, I had handle worse. I had handled my head being down the toilet at least once a day, I had handled being kicked and punched and spat on. I had been through worse.
Screaming, I put my face on my knees, running my hands through my hair.
"H-hi" A soft whisper spoke. I panicked suddenly bring my head up. It was Ashby, I could breath again and it was only now I noticed she was wearing a red tamara dress with hair down straight and two red horns appeared each side of her head. With a pair of red heels.
"Hey" I spoke unsure my voice would hold after that scream. "You look nice" I continued, quieter. Nice wasn't even close, she looked amazing.
"Been it was last minute I didn't really have an outfit so I sort of just made do with what I already had" She smiled gently as she walked over.
"How did you know I'd be here?" I asked after a moment of curiosity and being able to look away from her.
"I didn't at first. I went home but you weren't there so I thought I'd give it a shot by coming here, you told me she was here the other day" She explained. She had gone back to the care-home just to find me? And continued afterwards? Normally no one would've ever searched for me, maybe apart from Jaynie.
"Do you want me to leave you alone?" She asked after I didn't reply, I couldn't bring myself to speak. "Your mom has a very beautiful name" She continued gently. Now looking at my mother's stone, all I could do was nodded still unable to speak. She began walking up to me before sitting in front of me, her legs to the side. I think for the first time ever -me seeing anyway- she was wearing makeup; her lips were painted a bright red to match her dress and her eyes looked darker. She was stunning but she really didn't need the makeup though.
I noticed a small necklace hanging to her neck with a small ball at the end of it.
"Come here" She spoke, trying to meet my gaze. I looked up out the corner of my eyes and saw her arms were out. I couldn't hide it anymore; she had seen right threw me again like she always did. I thought I was so good hiding things but with her she always knew when something was wrong. I wrapped my arms around my her waist and she pulled me into her embrace.
She was freezing but her hands still rested in the positions she had been in when she was hugging Robert. Her scent overwhelmed me and I just broke down into her right then and there.

.

After a while I stopped crying and leaned back to look to see if Ashby was okay. Her dress was wet and now had grey stains on it and her chest.
"Fuck, I'm sorry" I spoke with a raw voice, staring at her... well her chest. She opened her eyes and looked down.
"Don't worry about it, you muppet" She smiled kindly now I felt even more of a wimp.
"I should've hit Clayton in the face" I spoke after a moment of silence. We still hadn't moved and her fingertips were stroking my hair as I still held her by the waist trying to keep her desperately warm because I noticed the goosebumps had rose on her arms, chest and no doubt legs too.
"No you shouldn't have" She disagreed calmly.
"Did you not hear what he said, Ashby?" I spoke to her, getting frustrated once more. Clayton deserved his head being shoved up his ass and pulled back out of his mouth. "Course I did, Donnie. It was the most horrible thing in the world but you retaliating with violence makes you look bad and Donnie you are so much better than him. So much better. Why can't you see that?" She explained, I buried my face back into her chest, afraid I was going to cry again.
Why did she have this control over me? She made me feel weak but strong at the same time.
"I act out because it gets me so mad. And Clayton... Clayton hit a bad place in me tonight" I admitted shamelessly and I had never said that to anyone before. Never told someone when something had hit me hard, emotionally anyway.
"You do miss her"
"Course I do, Ash. She was my mom" I snapped a bit too soon but I don't think Ashby minded right now.
"You think it's your fault, don't you. I mean why she committed suicide" I paused for a moment not wanting to answer.
"Yes" I broke off with a wobbly voice. Hiding my face more into her beautiful, soft skin. Her scent drove me mad.
"Donnie. It wasn't your fault. She was in a bad place. Never blame yourself. I bet it was really hard for her to do it because it would mean leaving you behind"
"So why the hell would she do it then, Ash? Why would she leave me with that man. He ruined my life"
"He only ruined part of you life. He isn't that special so don't give him all that credit. Look how far you've come. You go to school, work hard and you're one of the most popular boys in school, Donnie. And maybe your mom thought it would be best doing it. Maybe you had some idea that you might end up in care. Yeah, not the best thing but at least you are smiling" She replied into my hair now as if it would sink into my brain better that way. Before I could speak I felt drops of water splash on my skin. Then it got heavier and heavier. "Donnie, I think we need to head back" She yelled over the rain. I broke away from her and nodded, getting up then I held out my hand for her and she took it.
Her hair now stuck to her in a wet mess and her makeup ran down her face. Her goosebumps looked even worse now, she was going to get ill if she wasn't careful and I had nothing to give her that wasn't already wet by now. I glanced down at where my mother lay. I'll be back soon, I thought before grabbing Ashby's hand to get her back to the care home so she could get dry.
We made it out the cemetery before she slipped on the gravel due to them stupid heels. Yeah, I hated heels. So she took her hand out of mine and undid them before yanking them off. It made her decreased in height suddenly and I couldn't help but think how drowned she looked right now.
One of the off shoulder, short sleeves had fell down her arm more which meant the front of her dress was obviously coming down more and hair looked like it had been thrown a tornado machine. And it didn't get much better when she moved back around to face me, her eyes were just a black mess but I couldn't help but think she still was the most stunning girl I had ever seen.
She extended her hand out behind her to me, clutching them damn heels in the other.
"Come on, Donnie" She shivered madly, I nodded back before walking up to her but I ignored her out stretched hand.
Her expression went blank as she stared up at me, folding her arm back into her chest.
This was it, now or never.
Gently, I cupped both my freezing cold hands on her cheeks and tipped her head up to meet my gaze before leaning down and placed a kiss on her lips.