Afire Love // Dan Howell

Chapter 48

After speaking to Dan about pointless things for hours on end, just to take his mind off of things, he finally falls asleep. In all honesty, you are incredibly tired as the past few days have been long and emotional but you don't want to go to sleep. What if he wakes up in pain? What if he dies and you aren't there with him like you promised? You lay awake, your eyes becoming sore and bloodshot as you sit against the headboard of the bed, just thinking about the last page in Dan's diary. Looking at that made you the happiest that you've been all week because even though Dan has lost his fight, you were significant to his life.

Without even noticing the passing of time, you notice sunlight peaking through the black curtains. Unsure whether to get up or not, you reach over Dan and switch his phone on, reavealing the time in front of a picture of you as his lockscreen.

8:00am

Just as you go to get up, the bedroom door creaks open and a fully-dressed Phil shuffles awkwardly in.

"Morning." You whisper.

"Wow." Phil says, his eyes wide, "You look-"

"I know. I didn't sleep at all last night."

Phil sighs and his eyes fall to the floor.

"Neither did I." He responds, "You know...just in case."

You nod and give Phil a small smile as you both recognise the effect that this is having on you both.

"The nurse called me earlier too." Phil tells you, "She said that she'll be here in about half an hour so Dan needs to be awake."

"Okay." You reply.

Phil drops his head and then glumly leaves the room, closing the door behind him. You take a deep breath and turn over to face Dan, preparing yourself to wake him up.

"Daniel." You breath, shaking him gently, ensuring that you don't hurt him, "Danny."

Eventually, his eyes flicker open and normally, he'd give you a smile to ensure you that he's awake and happy but instead his face is pale and the only emotion being shown is through his brown puppy-dog eyes - sadness.

"We need to get you up." You tell him, "The nurse is going to be here soon."

Without a word, Dan sighs and slowly pulls himself furthur up the headboard. Is he okay?

~ Time Skip ~

The doorbell rings, making Phil get off of the sofa and run towards the door. You hear the latch click and a cheery female voice echo down the hall: it's the nurse.

"Hello." Phil responds with a slightly less joyful tone of voice, "Dan's just upstairs in his bedroom with (y/n). Can I get you a drink at all? Maybe a tea?"

"Perfect and oh, just a glass of water will do thank you!" She replies.

You continue to listen to the footsteps and voices from the hallway as you gently rub your thumb against the palm of Dan's hand. His head stays low and he doesn't squeeze your hand in response like he normally would. You take a deep breath, feeling a little choked up and wait patiently for the nurse to come in.

A small, middle-aged lady with bleach blonde, bobbed hair enters and gives you a comforting smile.

"Hello Daniel!" She beams, "How are we doing?"

Dan slowly nods without a word escaping his lips, making the nurse's smile drop slightly. She know's that there's something up too.

"Well, let's do a little check up shall we?" She says, "Do you mind if you leave the room for this (y/n)?"

Your eyes quickly lifting, you see the concerned look on the nurse's face and so you agree to leave the room, getting off of the bed. You reach the door and watch as it closes Dan behind you. What's going on? Surely he couldn't have deterierated that soon?

~ Time Skip ~

You have been sitting in the living room for a while now just staring at the blank wall and trying to listen to murmurs through the walls but you really do have no idea what is happening. Phil keeps walking in and out without saying a word as if the whole word is either giving you the silent treatment or just blocking you out where possible.

Finally, you hear Dan's bedroom creak open and footsteps approach the living room. Through the white, wooden door frame comes Phil who has a blood-curdling facial expression and a nervous nurse behind him. Phil throws himself onto the sofa and puts his head into hands, covering the green-ish colour he has become. The nurse pats his shoulder as she moves forward and then takes a seat down beside you.

"(Y/n)." The nurse says at a soft tone, "Things aren't looking good. Dan's health is at it's lowest and his body has already started to shut down."

"Tell me something I don't already know." You sigh, continuing to stare at the wall.

"Okay well his health has lowered faster than we anticipated it would." She explains slowly, "I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that he'll be lucky to make it to the morning. I'm so sorry."

A lump appears in your throat and you can feel your heart thudding hard against your chest, giving you goosebumps. It's happening. This is it. Dan's last few hours. Soon, he will no longer be in your life and you'll never see his face again. Like a faded memory, you will never be able to go back and that fire Dan always talks about will have been put out.

"I've dosed him up on some medicine so he won't be in pain and I put in a nasal catheter for him also so he can feel at ease when breathing." She explains, "unfortunately, there is nothing else that I can do. All I can ask is that you both stay beside him in his last moments and to give us a call when his time is up. Please put a smile on for him, even if it's hard."

"I always have." You choke out, tears falling from your ducts.

The nurse exhales and nods, getting up from the sofa.

"I'll leave you guys in peace." She tells you, picking up her coat that Phil layed out on the arm of the charcoal sofa, "I wish you all the best."

Neither you or Phil move from your positions to show her to the door and she just escorts herself through the hallway, the loud slam of the front door sending a shiver up your spine.

You slowly lift your head to look up at Phil whose eyes are peaking through the holes in his hands. He removes them, leaving small imprints of his fingertips on his icy, white skin.

"We need to be in there with him." Phil says wearily, his voice shaking, "It's time to say goodbye."

He's right.

You can't argue.

It is time.

A/N So it is nearly the time to goodbye to Dan. His health has deteriorated quickly and all the nurse can do is ease the pain. With only a few hours left, you and Phil must say you final words to the man who has had an impact on both of your lives. How will it go? What will be said? Just one more chapter to go now guys! Prepare yourselves and don't forget to comment and vote. Thank you all.

~ Katie x