Afire Love // Dan Howell

Chapter 13

A/N So this is an emotional chapter  - it is cheesy and cringy but hey, it's fanfic! I listened to "I'm Only Human" by Christina Perri whilst writing it too and I have put it above so you can listen to it whilst reading if you would like to :) Enjoy~

"Look at me." Dan laughs,  wiping his bloodshot eyes with his sweater paws, "Crying all over you! You must think I'm so weak."

"No, not weak." You reply, "You're the strongest person I know Daniel and sometimes, it's perfectly okay to cry!"

Dan weakly smiles and sits up.

"You're right. I just hate having to live in so much fear - it kills me!" He admits

"I know it does but you're only human"

"And I bleed when I fall down!" Dan mimics, completing the lyrics.

You shake your head at Dan's cheesy response and throw your arms around him. He's such a goof but you can't help but love him!

"Way to change the mood Howell!" You giggle, snuggling down onto his chest.

"What can I say - I do love a bit of cheese!" Dan chuckles, "Unlike Phil anyway!"

"Ha ha!" You reply sarcastically.

There is a brief moment of silence between you both, just looking out across London at the distant flashing lights. Just you, Dan, a silent city and the stars. You forget all your worries and stresses and you just lay in Dan's arms, enjoying it whilst you can. Of course, it still hurts that you may not have much longer with Dan but you thank God that you've been able to enjoy his company for so many years alredy. Without him, you don't know what you'd do. 

"(y/n)" Dan whispers closely to your ear.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

Furrowing your eyebrows in confusion, you look up at his sincere facial expression. 

"For what?" You breathe.

"Everything." He answers, "Being there, being you. If I never get the chance to say it again, I want you to know that I love you. We have a bumpy ride ahead but as long as you're by my side, I think I'll be okay."

You feel yourself welling up a little but Dan quickly wipes your eyes with the material of his jumper clinging to his fist. 

"You're so special and I never want you to forget that. Whether I'm in your future or not, I want you to achieve your goals and live your dreams." Dan croaks, rubbing your cheek gently with the pad of this thumb.

"Dan don't." You cry, looking him deeply in the eyes.

"Too late." Dan smiles, "I just did. I need to face the truth and know that whatever is ahead is for the best. Don't let my problems hold back your potential. You have such a bright future ahead of you."

"But I want you in it." 

Dan's fingers move to your chin and he holds it up high. 

"I want to be your future too but I don't want to make empty promises. That will make saying goodbye even harder." He replies softly. 

"You won't need to say goodbye Dan - not if I can help it." You sob.

A single tear rolls down his cheek and he pulls you in close, hugging you tightly. You wrap your arms around him and take in his strong musk . You don't ever want there to be a time where this is impossible. 

"I love you so much." Dan says, sniffing.

"I love you too" You respond, nuzzling into his neck.

That's when you, Dan, the silent city and stars just become 'You and Dan'. Nothing around you matters anymore. All you can hear is yours and Dan's hearts beating in sync and all you can do is enjoy it because one day, you may never get to hear that same heartbeat again. 

Dan lifts his head and you sit up, your arms still around each other. Both teary-eyed and bright red in the face, you smile at each other. Suddenly, Dan's smile collides with yours and just like before, nothing else matters. His lips move against yours and it's even better than you imagined because there is so much passion and desperation behind it. You pull away and Dan cups your face with his cold hands, bringing your forehead against his. 

"I will fight. I promise." He whispers, your lips just centimeters apart, "I'll make cancer my bitch!"

You giggle and peck his lips once more before pulling away.

"We should get back to the apartment." You suggest, "Phil's probably raided the cereal by now!"

Dan chuckles and stands up. You do the same and take hold of his hand, guiding him back to the stairs.

"I'm sorry this wasn't as special as I hoped it would be." Dan mumbles, scratching his head.

"Are you serious?" You scoff, "It couldn't have been any more special!" 

"Really? All we seemed to do was cry!" Dan jokes, squeezing your hand.

"We were together and that's all that mattered." You respond, "I wouldn't trade it for the world."

Dan releases a small smirk and then looks back ahead of him. You walk hand in hand down the dark London street and you reflect on what has happened over the past few hours. Sure, it wasn't fairy-tale perfect but that's simply a warped version of reality that we get our hopes up for. Based on the cruel world we live in and the unfair circumstances, it was pretty perfect and everything you needed. It's just a shame that it couldn't last forever. Especially as Dan may not even be with you in years to come.

You need to make the most of it over these next few months as for all you know, these may be his very last moments. The question is: then what?

A/N Well you may or may not have found that to be a very emotional chapter and in all honest, I did cry (I tried to craft but couldn't quite do it) writing it! So you and Dan are stronger than ever and that moment together is going to play a very important part in the rest of the story! I hope you enjoyed it and please vote if you did (it would be mean a lot to me!). What do you think is ahead? Is there something else Dan hasn't told you about? How will you cope under the pressure? Find out soon and don't forget to comment your suggestions and ideas below! Thank you!

~ Katie :*