Afire Love // Dan Howell

Chapter 45

You manage to get Dan out of the café quickly, with the help of Phil and Dan pulls his hands away from his neck, looking down guiltily at you. You grasp onto his hand and lay your head against his shoulder, letting him know that everything is okay. He squeezes your hand and then kisses your forehead, bringing a small smile to your face. 

"Maybe we should just walk for a bit." Dan suggests, looking up at Phil.

Phil exhales, his breath showing in the bitter cold air and he nods. You begin to walk in the opposite direction you came in and you spot a certain set of concrete stairs, leading up to the hill where you found out Dan had cancer, you confessed your love to one another and had your first kiss all in one moment. You feel emotional for all different reasons just looking at it. You realize that Dan must be too as you both seem to have come to a halt in the middle of the path, just staring ahead. Phil walks in front and looks at you both, puzzled and Dan just looks down at you with a teary-eyed smile, as if it's your little secret.

"Phil..." Dan says, "I hope you don't mind but can me and (y/n) quickly take a look up the hill, one last time?"

The words 'one last time' have already set you off and a few tears begin to fall down your face. Phil doesn't even hesitate to answer; he simply agrees with a nod and tells you both that he will kill time at the bakery to get some doughnuts for you all later. Dan giggles, thanks Phil and then guides you towards the concrete stairs. Already shaking in fear, you walk up each step, seeing the familiar sight become closer into view. You eventually reach the top and take a look around at the trees and then your eyes fall upon the bench. 

Your bench.

Dan releases your hand and puts his arm around you, slowly walking you over towards the iconic seat. As you reach it, he pulls you into a cuddle and you just melt in his arms. 

"So much has happened since we were last here." He sighs.

"Yep." 

Dan pulls away slightly, looks ahead at the busy streets of London and then looks back at you, streetlamps reflecting in his glossy eyes. You feel your face heat up and you go to kiss him but he dodges you by turning his head. Your stomach dropping in shock, you fight crying and pull away from him. Why did he just avoid kissing you? He looks back at you, tears trickling down his pale cheeks. You are so confused as he is holding out his hand for you yet refused to kiss you. 

"I'm sorry." He tells you, gasping for air, "My lips are just so dry and I can't catch my breath properly and I don't know why. I really want to kiss you back, don't get me wrong, but I don't want to hurt you."

You feel slightly relieved that he didn't reject you because of second thoughts but you also feel worried about the fact that he keeps losing his breath. Instead, you place a kiss on his cheek and wrap your arms around his neck, bringing him closer. 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." He tells you.

"Dan you were scared. I guess finding out from the hospital over a phone call wasn't ideal but-"

"No." He interrupts, "I meant that I didn't tell you how I felt about you sooner. Here wasn't the most ideal place to do it and I guess, the time wasn't either."

"It doesn't matter Dan. It's better than never." You assure him, "Besides, this is like our special place now. It will always be in my heart and I'll be sure to show our son or daughter it in the future."

Dan grins and then takes your hand again, bringing you slowly away from the bench and twirling you around, making you giggle and fall into his arms. His arm now around you, he takes one last look at the location, whispers 'goodbye' and begins to lead you back towards the steps. As you begin to approach them, you feel Dan slipping down and you turn to see him land on his knees, clutching his chest. 

"Dan!" You cry, getting down onto the floor.

You try and help him up but he holds out his arm, stopping you from getting near to him. His breath now struggling to be caught, he digs his fingers back into his neck and begins to make gasping noises. In a panic, you pull your phone out from your pocket and call Phil. Immediately, he answers and you put it on loud speaker.

"Phil help!" You scream down the phone, "Dan can't breathe and I don't know what to do."

You begin hysterically sobbing and can barely focus on what Phil is saying but you notice that he has hung up the call and so you drop your phone onto the floor and place your hands on Dan's shoulders.

"Dan please don't go." You beg, tears streaming down your face, "Not yet. I don't want you to go. Please."

Dan's guilty puppy-dog eyes look up into yours as he continues choking for air and he manages to shuffle closer to you, placing his large, ice-cold hand on top of yours. 

"Please." You repeat.

Moments pass, in which you are terrified of losing him, but you finally hear puffing and panting behind you and you look to see Phil red in the face with beads of perspiration dripping down his face. He falls to his knees beside you, pulls off his jacket and puts it around Dan, who is now shivering as his body appears to be giving up on him. Dan cries in frustration, breaking your heart and eventually he inhales a large amount of air, allowing him to regulate his breathing pattern again. You let out a sigh of relief and you and Phil get to your feet, picking up Dan, his arms draping around you both and guiding him to the top of the stairs. You look behind you at the bench, welling up and then look to Dan who is trying to hard to fight the pain and get down each step. 

"Phil...(y/n)..." Dan coughs, "Let's go home."

A/N So you went back to the hill with Dan where you found out about his cancer, told him you loved him and kissed him for the first time. It was emotional and you went to kiss Dan but he no longer wants to (which was inspired by the line "I will not kiss you, my lips are chapped and faded" from Cancer by MCR) in case he loses his breath and/or hurts you. He seems to be struggling a lot with breathing and you nearly lost him. Luckily, he is breathing for now but what will happen next? It's all downhill from here...

Don't forget to vote and comment if you enjoyed this chapter! I hope you are all well and I have a little surprise for you all once this story ends, to show my appreciation I guess :) Thank you!

~ Katie