Afire Love // Dan Howell

Chapter 40

That is the single worst sentence you have ever heard in your entire life. It's like your heart has just been ripped out of your chest and stamped on. Dan's going to die. But this makes no sense, how is this even possible?

You want to question it but you can't even get a word out. You're speechless as it seems like your whole world has just come crashing down.

"Babe..." Dan says huskily, squeezing your hand, "It's okay."

"I don't...This doesn't...none of this makes sense." You respond, trying to catch your breath.

"(y/n) please calm down." Dan whispers, moving closer to you.

"I...I'm...Dan my...my chest..." You choke out, clawing at it in attempt to stop the pain.

"Phil you need to take her out of here!" Dan demands, releasing you.

Phil paces over to you, grabs your wrist and pulls you to your feet, dragging you out of the room. You try to dig your feet into the groud and find the words to tell Phil that you're fine but your throat is so tight you can hardly breath. Phil closes the door behind you and attempts to guide you down the hall but muscles begin to strain from exhaustion and you collapse onto the groud, now hyperventilating.

"(Y/n) you need to breathe!" Phil commands, placing both of his hands on your shoulders, "Come on. Calm down and steady your breathing!"

"I. Can't."

"Yes you can." Phil says, "Come on. Deep breaths - in and out."

You do as Phil says and begin to slow down your breathing, despite the excruciating pain in your chest. Your breathing begins to regulate and you just sit staring at Phil.

"Did that just happen?" You ask, "Did Dan just tell me that he's going to die?"

Phil bows his head and you notice a tear slowly trickling down his face.

"Yes." He responds, "I should have told you but even if he survived the operation, there was still the risk of it being unsuccessful. It was too late (y/n). There is nothing that can be done now. We just have to be there for him and accept what is to come."

You silently swallow and then nod your head in agreement.

"We should go and see the nurse." You murmur.

Phil sympathetically smiles and then stands up, holding out his hand for you to pull yourself up with. You take another large intake of air and then make your way down the hall and through the waiting room, ignoring the eery silence and judging faces staring at you. You finally look up and see the nurse looking regretful for not stopping you but it's not her fault - you insisted.

"We'd like to talk now if that's okay?" Phil requests politely.

She understandably nods and responds with "Certainly. Follow me."

You look to Phil and he justs whispers the words "Come on." and you bow your head back down to floor, following the nurse out of the reception area and to a big, secluded office.

She takes a seat on a tall, black chair behind the desk whilst you and Phil perch on the two red, plastic chairs opposite.

"I'm guessing that Dan has told you the news." She says softly.

You and Phil look up at each other and then look back down at the ground.

"Yes." You reply.

"I am so sorry that there is nothing else we can do." She sighs.

"Is there really nothing else?" You ask, your voice shaking.

"No." She says, "There isn't. Dan hasn't got much longer left but because there is nothing we can do, we are offering the option of him going home and relaxing for his last few days. Dan agreed to this and therefore, after this, you may help him gather his things and take him home, if that's not a problem with you."

"Not at all you." You tell her, "I think it would be better if he was in the comfort of his own home with us."

"I must warn you that it is a big responsibility to take on." She says sternly, "From this point onwards, his health is going to deteriorate. He's going to become weak and very fragile."

"We understand." Phil says.

"Here is our number, if it becomes too much for you or if he passes away." She responds, sliding a post-it note across the desk, "He will need to continue taking his medication and please, try not to distress him. It won't make things any easier."

"Thank you nurse." You say, taking the note from the desk and pushing it into your coat pocket.

"Again, we are so sorry for the outcome but some things just happen." The nurse tells you, looking genuinely sincere, "You may go and collect his things now if you wish."

You and Phil are dismissed and you get up off of your chairs and walk back out into reception. You take a deep breath and walk back through the waiting room, ready to take on your next challenge.

You open the door to Dan's room and walk back in, with a swollen, puffy face from crying but a smile on your face.

"We better get you home!" You say, merrily walking over to Dan.

Dan's mouth gapes open and he looks from you to Phil in shock.

"Are you guys sure?" He questions.

"Positive." You respond, placing a small kiss on his cheek.

He grins and then swings his legs round, slowly getting up off of the bed and grabbing his crutches. He attempts to pick his black luggage bag from beneath the bed, but you beat him too it, his hand on yours.

"It's fine." You say softly, "I got it."

You all take one final look around the hospital room and then make your way to the door that Phil is holding open for you to walk through.

Here we go.

A/N So there is nothing that can be done. Dan only has a few days left and he has decided to spend them at home with you and Phil. What will happen in those days? Will things be okay or will it all just get too much? Find out soon and don't forget to vote and comment if you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks!

~ Katie ^.^