You Buckled Up Your Heart

Cancer❥36

Jenna had long since turned the engine off in her family's car, but she sat planted in the driver's seat. Marlie's words were still spinning in her head, and now that she knew what she had to do, she was no longer confused, terrified was the word.

Middle school, and still throughout high school, other people's opinions mattered so much to her even when she realized that it was stupid to think that way. Humiliation and embarrassment were such scary concepts to her that she continued to fold herself in, and never put herself out there in any way. 

Being with Tyler had cracked her shell, and she was beginning to learn that what her high school peers thought of her wasn't going to matter in less than a year. She would be gone, and so would they, all of them split up, no one would remember any little things she did. No one's opinion mattered, except Tyler's

Tyler was all that mattered right now, he was her person, and even if they would thousands of miles apart living on opposite ends of the universe, he was her person, and now she had to tell him that. She must do what every instinct in her body told her not to do.

Jenna made her way inside the house to greet her family in the living room. An orangey glow of the sunset mixed with the soft light the lamps gave off made for a very welcoming room. Her mother was sitting on the couch watching a television show while her brother was sitting upside down on a chair reading a book.

"Jenna!" Her mom said a little too loudly, and a bit too excitedly. "Welcome home!"

"Hi..." She responded uncertainly, confused by the exaggerated greeting. Her brother, without even looking up from his book, said:

"Go to your room."

"What?" Jenna was taken aback this was the oddest thing she had ever come home to. Her mother didn't say anything else, just sat there, smiling way too big. "You know I think I will go to my room..." She gave them a weird look and headed for the stairs.

Jenna had never been happier to be approaching her bedroom, all of this Tyler stuff was giving her a headache, and she needed sleep.

She was welcomed into a pitch black room courtesy of her black out curtains. Shutting the door behind her, she flipped on the light, and just about screamed. There was a person sitting on her bed. Her person.

"Tyler, what are you doing here?" She was in shock.

"Your mom let me up, I told them not to tell you I was her in case you made me leave."

"But I didn't even see your car in the driveway?"

"I walked."

"But that's a really long walk?"

"I didn't plan on coming here, I just went for a walk and I ended up here, I'll always end up back to you."

"Tyler..."

"Now just hear me out, and hearing me out includes not talking at all okay? I've been thinking about what you said, not just at the hospital, but also the night we broke up. I've been thinking a lot, and planning this moment, but standing in front of you, I can't seem to remember any of what I memorized, so I'm just going to talk and you're just going to listen. I cheated on you, and I have remained constant on the reason for that was because I was so mad at you, but that's not true. All that time I spent thinking, I figured out I did it to push you away. We were growing apart, and I was so scared of losing you that I subconsciously chose to make you leave before you could leave me. I said I wanted to make you feel like nothing, I meant I wanted to make you feel like me; alone. I know that's not much better, because most times I would never wish how I feel on my worst enemy. We didn't see each other for more than a few hours here and there, and honestly, my brain was thinking that worst. I thought you meant to avoid me, I thought you wanted to end it. I know not seeing each other wasn't completely your fault, I was so busy, and sometimes I meant to be. Sometimes I would specifically plan a gig so I wouldn't have to be alone with you. That entire drive up to Sandy's that night, I was terrified you were going to break up with me. So when you walked away after our fight at the bar, I wasn't mad, I was scared. I'm not trying to make excuses, you said you wanted the truth, so that's what I'm giving you. Now flash forward to that day at the hospital, you think I held your hand all that time for only you? Jenna holding your hand kept me from falling apart too. I need you more than you know. You said you wanted a love like Josh and Debby's, well that's great, they have an amazing relationship, but it's not ours. We have been through hell, individually and together, and that's obvious, but what we're like together, that cancels out all the bad. It's better than anything I have ever had before. You make me happy all the time, even when we were... are, broken up, and every time I look at you, I see the girl I met at the park all those months ago. You're like cancer in the best possible way Jenna, you're in my system and there's no getting rid of you. I'm terminal. I know we've both changed, but it's not a bad thing. You said you've changed, but only for the better. I watched you grow and open up to us, and regain that confidence those other people took from you. And you know what, it's true you changed me, you make me happier, and smarter, and more creative, and just better, and better guy, because of you. Jenna Black, I am done being broken up with you. Okay? It sucks, I don't want to do it anymore. I have been wanting to tell you this for a very long time, I've known for so long, and I waited to tell you because I thought I would scare you away, but I'm done finding excuses not to tell you. I love you. I am so madly in love with you, it's insane. I didn't think it was possible to become so wrapped up in someone in less than a year. Jenna I just love you so much, and I don't like being broken up with someone I love like this, now are you in or are you out?"

Jenna stared at him, she was still standing against her door, and she hadn't moved since he started talking. The shock of his words was slowly wearing off, yet she still hadn't said anything. The smile he wore at the end of his speech was starting to fall the longer she stayed silent.

Finally, out of all the emotions fighting for dominance inside her, one took control. Jenna walked forward, took his face in her hands and kissed him. Not just any kiss, a real one, one to make up for all the ones she missed while they were broken up.

"You're my person," She said after they break apart, though his arms were still wrapped around her waist, and their faces only inches apart. "How could I be out?"

Tyler kissed her again, but it didn't last long because she could feel the uncontrollable smile spreading across his mouth. 

"Thank god, I thought you were going to tell me to leave." He laughed, and Jenna laughed with him.

a/n- we're back, one chapter to go.