After it all

32

Over the past 3 weeks I haven't been myself at all, I've been playing the role of the loving wife to be. I've figured out a few ways I could escape this hell hole but all of them seemed to have a point of failure in my thoughts. So I've been waiting, gaining his trust as much as possible until the perfect time comes. Anthony is getting worse as seconds go by, mentally he's unstable. I feel guilty just as any sane person would, sometimes I want to genuinely tell him it's okay when he cries on my shoulder and other times I have the urge to burn the house down when he pisses me off.

There's been no signs of Mason, which makes me doubt our relationship occasionally. Though I mentally slap myself when I do, it always creeps back into my thoughts at my lowest points. I miss him more than I can exaggerate, his voice plays nonstop in my head like a broken record machine and sometimes I swear I can smell his cologne lingering around me.

I haven't been eating as much as I should which I know isn't good for the baby but mentally and physically I've been drained since being in this house, ripping me from the man I love and the world surrounding me. Sometimes I just wish none of this happened, my sister, Anthony, Mason, none of it.

Running the pad of my thumb over my lower stomach I let a tear fall, thinking of the life the baby would have here if I never get out. I've been shielding myself from my real emotions for weeks, but now that I'm alone I can actually let them out. I quietly sob, sitting at the corner of the bed which hasn't changed for hours. Continuously wiping the liquid falling from my eyes, not allowing it to dry, giving away how I actually feel.

I'm not weak though I feel as if I am, I know I can be stronger than this but my mind is nearing its fullest capacity.

Anthony left to get food, I made a long list hoping to keep him away longer. His face unintentionally makes me frown every time it comes into view, though he never notices I know he can sometimes sense the tension just as much as I.

I've never been so attached to someone as I am Mason, every time I close my eyes he's what I see. I find myself making up scenarios of how it will be when we are married, as well as when our baby gets here. Little feet waking us up every morning and welcoming each other with a warming smile followed by a swift kiss.

Thinking of our future alone makes me crave his presence more, wishing he was here to take me back to our home and live the life I had anticipated.

My muscles tense as I hear a car screech outside resulting to me running to the window and peering out of it, relief flowing over me as I come to see that it's just the mailman. The slow tapping of his boots being the only noise filling my senses.

Quickly bursting down the stairs and into the kitchen to fetch paper and a pencil quickly scribbling '10:00pm Wednesday EastWing Hospital' with one hand while the other rummages through the drawer beside me. I place the paper into a small envelope, licking the tab and wincing at the small paper cut I receive, sticking a stamp onto it.

Almost tripping over my own feet I make my way to the door, Anthony's mail falling through the small mail opening in the door. I pull open the door, the man in front of me stepping back at my sudden outburst.

"Please send this out as soon as you possibly can", I say pointing to the address on the front of the envelope.

"Yes ma'am", he says nodding, his eyes wide.

I close the door, scurrying back up the stairs before any trace of Anthony comes around. I don't even want to think about what he would do if he saw all of that happen.

I slowly walk up the stairs, the adrenaline in my body calming. Padding down the hallway and into the bathroom I begin removing my clothes, next turning on the faucet of the shower and turning the knob halfway.

A breath of relief leaves my mouth once I climb in, the water beating onto my back making my eyes flutter before I dip my head under to wet my slowly growing hair. I bring my hands up to smooth down my hair so that It won't fall into my face.

I finally have it, the plan to get out of here. I have 3 days to completely prepare for it and I'm almost positive it will go as planned or at least I hope so.

Soon I'll be out, away from Anthony hopefully for good or until he accepts the life I want. I never thought this would be my life, but if it didn't take this turn I wouldn't have ended up with the person I love most, Mason.

I love him enough to fight to be with him again and for it to stay that way. I know what I need to do, it's only a matter of time before I do it.