♤ [2] An Everlasting Nightmare

ı 25 ı Plague

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"You put a fever inside me, and I've been cold since you left."

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BLAIR POV

By now I've lost track of time in means of how long I've been sitting here alone in the dark, nothing but James's corpse laying beside me. After Caroline left I found myself finally getting over all the tears, leaving my cheeks stained dry with black trails patched along my skin.

I lay here alone beside James, his shoulder touching mine like it usually would whenever we fell asleep together. In this moment, it feels like he's only sleeping, so I decided to join him by closing my eyes and enjoying the feeling of his body against mine. It's just like how it use to be, however the only difference this time is that only one of us will be waking up.

It's awfully quiet in this dark place, the only source of light being a few candles. These caves are identical to the tomb, yet I find myself completely fine within these walls. I know now that I have finally overcome my fear of dark places, the memories of the tomb no longer haunting me. Deep down I know the only reason I'm over my fear is because of James.

Yet again I'm left with my thoughts, the same way I was in the very beginning when I sat in that dark tomb, my thoughts running on a continuous loop over and over, making me believe things that weren't real.

I want to believe that Silas is playing one last trick. I want to believe that Bonnie is on the other side with him, working up a spell to bring them both back.

I think now as I lay here I've finally accepted that none of that is going to come true. My mind drifts to the switch in my brain, the one that will make everything feel better by feeling nothing at all. I crave the relief from all this pain and grief, however I know James wouldn't be happy with me if I turned it off. I also know he deserves better than to be brushed aside like that. He deserves to be remembered.

I know I can't stay in this cave forever, and I know if I don't move soon my brothers will come and force me out of here, and I don't want that especially when I haven't said a proper goodbye.

I sit up and turn to James who still lays still, not that I expected him to do anything different. I take his hand in mine and bring it up to my lips, pressing a gentle yet firm kiss on the top of his hand before lowering it to speak. "You didn't deserve this," I say, already feeling the tears forming in my eyes. I didn't think it was ever possible to cry this much in such a short amount of time.

"You didn't deserve this ending. Neither of us did," I croak, squeezing his hand in mine.

"But, I guess this is the best goodbye we're ever going to get. I hate that you lied to me, but I'm thankful our last day was spent in happiness," I say, wiping a tear from my eye.

"I want to thank you, James Branson. I want to thank you for seeing the good in me when everyone else wouldn't even try. I want to thank you for sticking by my side even when I could be a bitch," I laugh, and at this moment I can almost hear his laugh ringing inside my mind. "I want to thank you for never giving up on me, from looking for me for 145 years, to pushing me to turn my humanity back on. I owe you the world James, and I can't tell you how grateful I am that you came into my life in a time I needed you most. It pains me, in ways unimaginable that you can't be here with me anymore. But this pain of grief is nothing compared to the pain of never risking love, to never risking us," I say, closing my eyes tightly as more tears slide down my cheeks.

"I love you, James," I whisper, bringing his hand up to my lips one last time before I set it down and exit the cave. I don't bother looking back because I know what's there. I've spent that last thirty six hours beside him, and I'm well enough to know that he's not coming back.