Bloody Paw Prints

Ch 47 My secrets

“Pleeeeeeeeeease!” Ally whines as I walk into the lounge room.

“Christian, pretty please!” Tori wails, hugging Christian’s arm to her chest tightly. I frowned at the trio, wondering how long til the male wolf got too agitated and yelled at Ally and Tori. But Christian didn’t appear annoyed at all; instead he was watching the TV over Ally’s head, hardly acknowledging the persistent pleading.

I fall into an armchair and raise my eyebrow.

“Irana! Christian’s not changing the channel! I don’t like horror movies!” Tori cries, still hanging off Christian’s arm. I marvelled at Christian resilience, no way could I handle both wolves hanging off me while they wined and begged. I didn’t know how to respond to Tori, so I don’t say anything.

“Christian!!” Ally drops her forehead onto his chest, making soft sounds of despair. “Don’t you love us?” She whispers.

Christian rolls his eyes and push’s the small wolf off his lap before pulling his arm out of the other ones grip. “Go play in your rooms or something” Christian waves at them dismissively, his eyes locked on the TV, his voice even and composed.

“You make us sound like kids!” Tori accuses with a glare.

Christian finally looks away from the TV to raise an eyebrow at the wolf beside him. “Aren’t you?”

“No!” Ally huffs defensively, but slides off the couch and sulks out of the room with Tori on her heels.

I move to the recently vacant seat beside Christian, wanting to be closer to him. I glance at the TV, watching the chick on the scream as a figure chased her through the forest. I never really like a lot of horror movies, they all have some silly, clumsy character that’s always falling, or crying her eyes out. I didn’t find the appeal of watching hysterical people trying to run from a murderer who in the end always caught them.

“How are you feeling?” Christian shifts in the seat so he was facing me.

“I should be asking you that,” I eye a semi-healed cut on his forearm that was soon going to become a scar upon his sun kissed skin.

“I asked you first,” Christian grins, looking down at me with a smirk.

“Fine, I guess” I shrug but pin Christian with a fake glare. “What about you?”

Christian mimics my shrug and indifferently sighs “Fine, I guess”

“I do not talk like that” I snort, crossing my arms over my chest. I glower at Christian for using a high, uninterested tone that was too squeaky for my liking, then result to glaring at him menacingly when he raises his eyebrow in an ‘oh, really?’ gesture. “Don’t give me that look!” I snap and turn around.

“Did you get out of the wrong side of bed?” Christian teases, poking my cheek mockingly.

“No” I grumble, wishing the smile wasn’t fighting its way onto my face. How could Christian do that? I wanted to resent him for making me smile, wanted to smack him.

Christian laughs and leans his head against mine. “The first step to recovery, Irana, is admitting you have a problem. What’s your dilemma?”

“When did you and Doctor Phil switch bodies….or brains” I ask eyeing the male beside me.

“Yesterday, it was quite an experience” Christian says coolly before levelling a smooth look at me. “What’s wrong?”

I lean into Christian after casting a quick glance around the room. I didn’t fancy Ash seeing me seek comfort from another man, and I really didn’t need him overhearing our conversation. “It’s Ash”

“It’s always Ash” Christian jokes warmly but rubs my arm affectionately. “But keep talking”

I move around til my back was to Christian’s side and I pull his arm over my shoulder so I can hold his hand, tracing the lines over his palm. “I don’t think I love him anymore” I whisper. I bite my lip to stop it from trembling and try to swallow the lump in my throat. Christian says nothing, leaving me to continue after I pull myself together. “I did love him….but he’s getting to controlling. And… I don’t know what to do Christian, I need to tell him that I don’t love him but…I don’t know how” I whisper, wishing I had the courage to tell Christian Ash hurts me whenever we’re in bed.

Christian says nothing as I move my fingertips from his palm, moving to trace the veins under his skin. “I don’t know, Irana, you’ve got yourself in a pickle”

“In a pickle? I seem to doing that a lot lately” I murmur and lean back again Christian, laying my head on his shoulder. Warmth spreads through my body as Christian lays his cheek on the top on my head. Maybe it was childish or wrong, but I liked the comfort, I was craving it. Neither of us say anything for a minute until finally I take a deep breath and close my eyes. “I don’t want Ash to be Alpha” I whisper.

“Why not?”

I hear the confusion in Christian’s words and smile softly. Ash would have just growled at me, had I been saying the same thing about Christian. Although, then he would have smirked, and probably asked who I wanted to be Alpha. Christian wanted to know my reason; Ash would want to know who I thought was better suited for Alpha.

“I… He doesn’t need his ego boosted anymore, and him being Alpha will make him think he is superior…” I open my eyes and pin my gaze on the wall, not looking at anything.

“He would be superior though…” Christian says slowly.

“…I’m scarred he’ll turn out like Paul…” I whisper, cringing at the thought of Ash being snobby and thinking he’s all that. He’s be even worse, more dominate and patronizing. 

Christian pulls me closer gently. I wasn’t sure if it was so I could pull away if I wanted or so he didn’t open one of the thousand cuts still unhealed. “Irana….are you scared of him? Does he hurt you?” Christian voice was smooth, regarding me with level calmness which made me relax.

Christian was so easy to talk to, like when a child talks to a teddy or their mum if they’re very close. I didn’t have to worry about Christian getting angry and looking to kill Ash. He may offer, but I knew if I said no he’d leave it alone. He was my safeguard, the only one with this closure. “…Yes” I say softly and resume tracing the lines on Christian’s hands.

“Yes he scares you or yes he hurts you?” Christian moves from hair from my face, fingers trailing over my skin softly.

“Both” Christian says nothing to this, but his fingers keep brushing over me hair, soothing me slightly. “He gets rough, Christian” I breath, hoping Christian didn't think Ash hurt me on purpose. Well, I guess he did, but he had never slapped me or really hurt me, just bites me hard enough to break the skin. My eyes wander to my arm which had been unwrapped and now the teeth marks stared at me, a constant reminder that Ash had hurt me, intentionally and hadn't stopped strait away.

Christian lightly presses his lips to my forehead, a small gesture of affection that made me feel warm again. “It’ll be okay, I promise”

“Christian?”

“Mh?” he hums, his cheek once again pressed onto my head gently.

“Promise me you’re not going to change anytime soon” I lift my head, making Christian lift his head so he can look down at me. “Promise me you will stay my friend” It sounded childish, even in my head, but I didn’t care. For once I wanted someone to stay the same, to know they wouldn’t leave me or become something different. I needed to know Christian was going to stand by my side.

“You didn’t need to ask,” Christian mutters, smiling at me warmly. “But I promise, if that’ll make you feel better”

I nod and lean back into him, relishing in the fondness of Christian, seeking the comfort and his warmth as much as a starved person loved the sight of food which was just for them.

Christian’s fingers carefully lift my chin til my heads tipped back and I can see his soft blue eyes staring down at me. He winks before pressing a kiss to my forehead and releasing my chin. I drop my head, trying to bite the smile back as I press into Christian, searching for Christian warmth, to steal any fondness he was willing to give. Christian folds under his arm, holding me to his side as we sit in content silence, comfortably relaxed as we lean against each other.