Bad Blood // Z.M A.U

30.

With my emotion all pouring out, I can't seem to keep myself together as I slip down to the floor along with Zayn as I continue crying in agony.

All Zayn does is rub my back in comfort in hope to calm me down but he doesn't say one word while I break down on him.

I want to swear him out, tell him how hurt I really feel by everything he did to me, how evil he is to actually give me abortion pills to kill my unknown baby and how I was never good enough but I am sure it's all clear with me crying uncontrollably on the floor with him.

I hated him for what he done to me and how I wasted four years of my life to be played like a fool.

'You know Carmelita; men like him just want to hurt pretty girls like you'

My mother was right – that's what he did over and over again.

But I know at the end of the day, I still will love him which is completely fucķed up. I could never forget the sweet things he does done for me but the amount of suffering I have been through with him overweighed it.

I thought maybe that I would give him another chance for us to start over but now that I found out the truth about my unexpected pregnancy, it has become unforgivable.

I almost died because of him and he thinks its fine but who will be the one crying crocodile tears if I had to die that night?

Zayn of course.

This is all fucķed up – this life, this relationship as well as me.

And there is nothing more I want than to start over these four years to fix the mistakes that have happened.

Or even better – go back home and forget about everything and everyone.

》 》 》

"Are you sure you are going to be okay?" Liam asks for the umpteenth time. "Liam, I will be okay. You enjoy your time with Donovan and the others okay?"

He and Sophia look reluctant at me but they instead walk away with the others to leave the house.

Donovan invited everyone out tonight to make some plans about the current situation of Sirus but I refused to go and no one has questioned about it.

I am sure it's quite clear that I am still trying to pull myself together and even though Liam is the only one that figured out what I tried to do to Zayn, he knows that I needed a break.

After I finished my sobbing session on Zayn, I washed my face and left the house without saying one word to him. Zayn, surprisingly, didn't say one word to me either but come on – what can he possibly say to me after I found out the truth about him?

The big question that floats around in my head is how he even slept at night, next to me, knowing that he almost killed me because of his selfish fears?

He is fucķing psychotic and malicious!

I really can't wrap my head around the fact that he actually made me drink abortion pills without me knowing so that I wouldn't have a baby that is also apart of him.

Pushing my thoughts aside, I head downstairs to grab a cigarette to calm myself but there is absolutely nothing which is weird and frustrating.

Instead, there is weeđ on the table and I have to refrain myself from taking it.

One time is not going to hurt and besides, you haven't done it in a very long time.

I just want something to smoke and this is all that is available in this damn house! But maybe it won't be a bad idea because I just need to forget everything for a while.