Let's Talk

This part has so much random stuff in it - don't know what to call it

Thumbs-up for me,
Thumbs-up for you,
I want you to be happy,
Even when I'm feeling blue
~~~~~

Smile for me, my darling,
Show me that you are okay,
Do not show me that fake carving,
Give me that real smile everyday
~~~~~

They say the happiest are the saddest,
Their loudest laughs are the quietest sobs,
Mentally ill, yes, but not the maddest,
And it all comes down to being faking gods
~~~~~

Now, I know you may not understand that last poem, but all I'm going to say is that it's based off of depression. You can go ahead and connect the dots since I'm too lazy for you..

Actually, the real reason I'm not explaining it to you is because I know I'll start a dramatic and depressing speech about depression. And y'all got that the first part of Let's Talk. :P

Also, Global Warming's been acting up again. ;~; Yes, his thrusting majesty has come back to haunt my state's dreams. There were thunderstorms for two or three days straight, and just a day or two later, waddo you know? -,-There's a light drizzle and dark clouds covering the whole sky and a little lightning here and there, oh, and possibly just a tiny, little thunderclap. And then it all goes away, and it becomes sunny. Like, what the flip?! XD

But seriously, humanity does an absolutely excellent job ruining Earth and its inhabitants! :D Can't wait to be shipped off to Mars and die of starvation, guys! And maybe I'll even meet a famous pop star, because WHY NOT?!

As you can tell, the Felina, which of whom lives in the dark place known as "her room", is PISSED. And I'll stop myself from ranting about humanity sucking because, quite honestly, NicoleCollet does it much better than me in her book called "All About Sex" (at least, I believe that's what it's called... My memory is failing me yet again).

No, it is not about what you think it is, despite me just saying that she talks about humanity being terrible. She does not write detailed sex in there, guys. *face palms* So you're saved from that, but you may not be saved from the horrible things in there (not saying that her book is horrible! X3 It's very helpful, interesting, and mind-opening).

What those horrible things are? Well, just to name two things, NicoleCollet mentions the bad things about watching porn and the influence pop and hip-hop music has on us. Please go check it out, lovelies. :3

And so as to not scare off dear NicoleCollet I won't... er, you guys know about my.... fascination with stabbing people...

I'm not crazy ._. Nor do I actually want to stab people. I've never cleared that up before, surprisingly enough. But I do like to give out false threats just for my own amusement... I'm bad, I know.

And maybe just a tiny bit insane. But you can barely tell it's there, right? :D

Anyway, onto the topic of my mama, because there is this particular subject that involves her wonderful self that makes me want to punch a wall or something. ;~; Though, I'd never actually punch a wall, much less someone else. Maybe if that someone else was attacking me.

Maybe. (Frag my kind heart. I don't want to hurt anyone X3 My kindness will be my downfall one day. Makes me miss the days where I had accidentally surrounded myself with mental walls... Right - getting off topic, as per usual)

Anyway, Mama. And mesah being angry.

Right. (I'm so socially awkward sometimes XD Which reminds me- oh, wait, getting off topic :3 I get distracted so easily... Anyway, back to the topic!)

I can't figure out what I'm going to say. ;~; Why do I do this to myself? XD Or maybe it's not me, but my brain...

Welp, to put it simply, my brother swears (and he's one year YOUNGER than me!), and Mama is fine with it (or perhaps - was. He hasn't sworn in front of her in a while). But when Felina says "h3ll" (I do admit, I feel terrible for saying the word and not because my mama told me to refrain from saying it), Mama is quickly going,"Don't say that ever again!"

I get embarrassed and become ashamed and yadda, yadda, bleh, blah. But then a spark of anger ignites, so Felina's all good. <:3 I decide not to tell her off and keep my big mouth shut for once. But believe me when I say this; if that was not my mother, ohhhhhh, I'd be speaking lowly and calmly, ready to FRAGGING EXPLODE ON THEIR SORRY AFTS.

Ugh.

I mean, I see how it kind of makes sense for my mama to tell me not to swear. She wants me to be a good example for my brother. I'm not saying, I want to swear - Primus, no! That would be going against my own morals! It's just... my younger brother is allowed to swear, but I am not? Still don't see the logic in it.

I have tried to correct my brother's swearing - told him countless of times to say words words differently. It has never really worked. Now, he only says shiz and aft, but he used to be worse off. What irks me is that YouTube is the main influence to such bad words. He used to say the F word. Then, he starts watching a YouTuber that says "fudge" rather than the swear word, and suddenly; my brother is saying fudge instead! It's great - I'm not saying it's not - but I have no influence on him at all, it seems! Though, that does kind of make sense since things don't really have much of a big influence on me.

It's strange how I always bring the topic back to me. You didn't even need to know that last sentence, but I added it in anyway because I have such a big ego, apparently. XD

I would like to also talk about my anger. I'm not sure if I have ever told you guys this (I probably have), but I do have a short temper. It's almost expected, to be completely honest, since mesah is in fact an Aries, and Aries are known to be aggressive (that actually kind of explains my empty threats...), harsh (I really can be very harsh. And cold. Trust me, you don't want to meet that side of me. All the times I have gotten angry and written about it here, it is nothing like me telling someone off), mean (ties in with harsh, I suppose. Though, I don't really ever mean to be mean on purpose. If I do mean to be mean to you, then... I'm afraid you'll be on the list of people I SERIOUSLY don't like. And that list is very short. Like, there's only one person on it XD), and just plain, old angry (which I obviously, definitely get).

Naturally, I become angry very quickly, as I have told you (I said that I am short tempered). However, I have learned to control my anger after years of kicking and hitting my brother after I got pissed at him (he treated me the same, so don't worry - I wasn't abusive. Sometimes, if I anger him enough, he does strike me, but that's my fault. My brother is definitely not abusive. I think I would know if I was being abused, thank you very much). When I was ten, I soon learned that taking my anger out on things wasn't going to help me much. Really, if I was mad at my brother and hit him like the brat I was, he would just get mad at me and hit me back, and I would get hurt. There was no point in physically fighting my problems away if it would only add fuel to the fire. So, I would be left to silently seethe to myself in my room. But only at home.

If I am angry at someone in school, I let them know by either 1.) telling them off, or 2.) giving them my infamous, unbreakable, and hated silent treatment. I have almost become a pro at keeping an impassive expression, having had to do that through the funniest of jokes. It was hard, man.

And yes, I know that I can't ignore my problems, but if you tell me that, you're just adding to my anger. I only really give you the silent treatment because I need some time to cool off. If you pester me, I'll be ignoring you for days. I also do the silent treatment to make people feel like absolute shiz for making me angry.

Frag, I'm getting a little bit angry now... X3 The smallest of things bother me, I swear, but I'm good at hiding my annoyance if I know that that's what people are looking for. To be honest, I see it as a competition. If I show my annoyance, I lose. And losing to something to petty and as small as that is... it's kind of unacceptable to someone who has an ego. And it'll just make me angry if I lose. XD