The Heroin Diaries.

Christmas Carols&Drug Addictions.

I closed my eyes, and let the smell of fresh brewed coffee fill my nostrils. There was a different smell too. I laid there trying to determine what it was with no avail. I finally got up and put on my robe. As I headed down the stairs, I noticed a card on every step followed by a trail of rose petals. I smiled at the thought of Liam trying to walk backwards down the stairs sprinkling petals as he went. So cute.  I pick up all the cards, and stack them neatly in my hand. I reach the bottom of the stairs and peer into the kitchen. There he is. Sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in front of him, and Camille in his arms. Looking at her with such love and pride. It made my heart so full of happiness. 

I walked over to him, and kissed his lips. They tasted strange. I brushed it off and sat in the chair across from him. I grabbed the cup of coffee he had previously placed on my side. He opened his mouth to speak, but all I hear is the whimpers of a small child. I look down at Camille. She is sound asleep. "I can't understand what you are saying." I say, but my words fall on deaf ears. He places Camille in her bouncy seat, and walks away. I follow close behind him. He turns sharp into the bathroom. He is standing over the sink. I look around him but I can't see what he is doing. I try to walk in, but there is something holding me back. There is a barrier that I can't see. I push and push but it doesn't budge. I take a step back and the door slams. A few moments later the door cracks open. I push the door open. He laying there on the floor. A lighter and spoon and little baggies litter the floor around him. I run to him. Jerking the tourniquet  off of this arm, revealing more track marks. His face was pale and his breathing was imaginary. He laid there dead in the floor. I screamed his name. He would not move. I breathed life into him, yet he laid motionless. "please wake up, please. I need you. We need you. I love you. I love you. I love you."  I screamed through the tears. I couldn't breathe. "I love you. I love you. I love you." was all I could say. 

Liam violently shaking me, jerked me awake. "Love, are you alright? You were screaming I love you. You were crying. Your body was shaking." I looked over at the clock on the nightstand. Four-eighteen A.M. I was still breathless, and my body was still shaking. Why did these dreams come back. I gave him up, I let him go. This had to stop. I buried my face into his chest and just imagined he was someone else. It helped me sleep. I drifted off to sleep to the sound of Carolers outside my window and the images of a drug addict dancing in my head.