The Heroin Diaries.

#RehabJournal

Louis' POV.

Day 1.

I laid in the bed, silence surrounded me. I was lost in sea of misery. I patiently waited for Styles, to come back. Even though I was almost certain, that she wasn't going to. I waited, anyways.

The familiar wrenching in my stomach, has Begun. I couldn't think of anything But the pain.  It was excruciating. The sweat had started to bead up on my forehead, and my hands were clamy. My face was pale, and my eyes were dull. I knew this was coming. This was the worst part. This is what I have always feared, losing the one thing that makes me happy.

Just as the thought of losing the feeling of heroin, running through my veins crept across my mind, an even scarier thought followed. Losing the feeling that Styles, that mysterious girl had given me. The fear of losing her, damaged me by far, more than the withdrawals.

It's nine in the morning. My body is cold, my muscles are spasming, eyes are dull, hands are shaking, stomach ripping apart from the inside, wrenching and threatening to spill everything I haven't eaten in the last 48 hours. Mind is blank, my insides are screaming for release, but my face shows no emotion. I'll never use heroin again, I think to my self. But I know I am lying.

The methadone clinic is ready to take me. Pump me full of drugs to make me forget, that I need heroin. I don't want to leave until Styles, comes back. I know I am waiting, for absolutely nothing. Why would she come back? Why did she risk her job, to save my worthless life? I hear voices in the hall, I search them for a certain one. A voice, that is the only sound that makes me feel higher than smack.

How, could I have let this girl, this insightful, dominant, intellectual, intelligent, beautiful girl, just come in and take over my mind. I've never experienced anything like this feeling before. I've never been "in love" I don't know how to love. I am cold and dead inside. But maybe, just Maybe, she can bring me back to life.

Muscles are cramping, irritability drawing in, my head is swimming, and I can no longer think of her, for my brain has been flushed with darkness. The darkness of the lack of oxygen to my brain. I stay in my dark place. It's warm and quiet. I hear a whisper, it is the voice I've been desperately waiting to hear. She is here with me. I knew she would never let me down.

"Louis, I know you can hear me. Come back to us. Come back to me" the whisper said to me, the whisper turned into sobbing. I was causing this voice to hurt this way. I followed the whisper, and was jerked from my darkness. The voice, it was real. She was real. She was here.