Bad Blood // Z.M A.U

22.

This is was I was afraid of.

I knew when Zayn and I are alone in the house; he was going to force me to do something I necessarily did not want to do.

Zayn wanted to ŕape me once again and I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of carrying out something against my will again.

He did it once to me and there was no way I wanted it to happen for the second time.

The fucķed up thing is that he didn't know he did it to me.

Why didn't tell him? Because I couldn't bring myself to mention the disgusting thing he did against my own will.

If I ever told him, I know that Zayn would literally kill himself for rapíng me and I have tried my best to put it behind me. The thought of him not doing it again after the first time he ŕaped me was my reassurance but now that he wants to do it again, the reassurance disappeared.

Look at him - he wanted to do it for the second time.

My thoughts are interrupted as the door bangs behind me, making me wince and moving away from it.

"Open this fuckíng door Carmelita!" Zayn screams out from behind the door, continuously banging his fists on the bedroom door.

"You have no right to do what you did!" He scolds and I wrap my arms around legs as I bring them up to my body, crying in fear and panic.

"Dios, help me please." I beg quietly.

"You can't hide in there forever Carmelita! You will eventually get out of there and when you do, you better be prepared for what I am about to do to you." Zayn seethes.

A few seconds of silence between Zayn and I, a thud comes from behind the door and I assume that he has fallen once again.

This time I wasn't going to help him because I was too scared of what Zayn is capable of doing.

There was absolutely I can do to defend myself and in the state I am in currently, there was no way I could put up a fight.

The amount of fear and panic that consumes me is overweighed by the fire that I usually have.

I climb into the bed instead, curling up in a ball and continue to cry myself to sleep.

》》》

My eyes are fixated on the bedroom for the past fifteen minutes as I gather all the strength and courage to leave the bedroom to go to the gang house.

As for sleep, I barely got any as I just couldn't bring myself in case Zayn could break the door down but also from the amount of crying I have been doing all night long isn't healthy at all.

It's been so long since I ever felt like this. Scared of my own boyfriend and his intentions - all because him under the influence of alcohol.

Nothing beats Zayn mixing dŕugs and alcohol together. That's more terrifying than anything else besides Sirus yet here I am, still with him after all this shít.

Come on, where could I possibly go and with the amount of unhealthy, irrational love I have for him - it was impossible to walk away from him.

It's senseless how I depend on him. All I seek out of him is love and attention yet it's occasionally given by him.

Our love, our relationship and our lives. It all seems ludicrous.

Here I am, lying in bed, scared of being hurt once again for the umpteenth time. Who am I kidding, I am already hurt.