They Don't Know About Us

All Alone

Three more weeks have passed by. Everyday is getting harder. Niall and Harry's faces appear in my mind. I don't know who I love or if I'm in love at all. I wish I could get my feelings sorted out. I imagine Harry's green eyes staring into mine as we kissed under the moonlight. Then, I see Niall with his arms wrapped around me. He stares down at me, as I look up at him. We lean in, and our lips touch, fitting perfectly. Who am I in love with? Can't someone just do something to make me want the other one? Can't it be that simple?

*


"Nicole!" Niall yelled, "I thought you loved me! How could you just turn on me like that?! Especially with my own band mate!"

"I-I'm sorry," I whispered. Then, I saw Harry walk out of the darkness. He wrapped his arms around my waist, "It's okay, babe," Harry mumbled into my ear, "Just tell him you don't love him. Tell him the truth."

I tried to push Harry away, but he would only hold on tighter.

"No!" Niall protested, "She is in love with me!" Niall grabbed my arm, and tried to pull me towards him. Harry only held on tighter, "Get off her!" Harry yelled at Niall.

"No!" Niall yelled, "She's mine!"

Harry let go of me, and punched Niall square in the jaw. Niall stumbled back, and clutched onto his bleeding nose. I saw a glare form on Niall's face. He lunged at Harry, and knocked him over. They started attacking each other.

"G-Guys! Stop it!" I cried. They didn't even look in my direction.

"Stop it!" I yelled. They didn't say anything. I ran towards them, and tried to pry Harry off of Niall. I saw Harry aim for Niall, but instead hit me. I fell to the ground in slow motion. My eyes were slowly closing as my body hit the ground. Everything went black.
*


I woke up in the middle of the night, panting. I was covered in a cold sweat. I tried to catch my breath, as I sat up. This is becoming difficult. I want to forget about them. They aren't part of my life anymore. I have a new life now. Why do I miss them?

I felt a few tears slip from my eyes. Who am I kidding? Yes, I miss them. I miss them so much. I want to be with them, having fun messing around. They are the type of people that can make you smile through your tears of sadness. Sometimes I find myself wondering why I left them. Then, it hits me like a wave of tears. I then think about all the complications. The kidnapping, hating fans, and the complicated love. Why can't everything be simple? Why can't I just be in love with only one person? I found myself getting out of bed, and walking over to the bathroom. I leaned against the wall, and slid down until I was sitting on the cold floor. I pressed my knees against my chest, and laid my face in my knees. God, I miss them so much, but I can't go back. Niall will be furious, Harry will be depressed over losing me, and the boys will be disappointed. I don't know when I'll develop the courage to face them.

Suddenly, I looked up. Why am I in the bathroom? Normal people wouldn't hide in the bathroom to cry when they are all alone. My eyes grew wide when I realized why. I glanced over at the shower. No, I can't do it! My legs mechanically pulled my body up, ignoring the voice screaming inside my head. I walked over to the shower rack. My hand began to tremble. No, stop! You can't do this! My hand reached up, and grabbed the desired item. The bathroom light reflected off the blade. I sat on top of toilet seat. I looked at the item in my hand... My razor. So many bad memories resurface when I see it. I try to hid the nightmares, but they always seem to show up again. There is no way to completely forget them. My scars are always there to remind me. I found my hands rolling up my shirt halfway. I saw the familiar scars reminding me of everything. I pressed the blade against the skin on my stomach. I slid the blade across my stomach, creating a read line, brimming with blood. A drop spilled from the wound, and slid down my skin. The drop represents part of my concern leaving my body. I felt a sense of relief after the small pain, that I was now used to. I created another cut, and let the blood drip down. My mind suddenly gained realization of what was happening. I chucked the razor across the room, so it hit the wall, and broke. I need to stop this! It's dangerous! I nearly killed myself from cutting already. I grabbed some band-aids off of the counter, and put one over each cut. I finished treating my wounds, and walked over to my bed. I crawled under the blankets and fell asleep.
*


"WAKE UP!" Aislinn yelled. I groaned, and my eyes opened, "What is it- Wait, how'd you get in?"

"Oh, your door was unlocked," Aislinn answered.

"I need to remember to lock it," I mumbled.

"I have good news!" Aislinn exclaimed, and ran over to me.


"What is it?" I asked, groggily, sitting up.

"I've earned enough money to pay for half of the apartment, and I know you have enough," Aislinn said, "So we can buy an apartment! I actually found one that is cheap and nice looking. It's also here in town, which is even better!" She held her phone up to my face, so I could see a picture of the apartment.

"Nice," I replied, "I like it."

"You like it?" Aislinn replied happily. I nodded, "Yep, so when do you wanna buy it?"

"How about after work today?" Aislinn suggested, "Then we can move in tomorrow."

I smiled, "Sounds like a plan. Well, we better get ready for work."

"Okay, meet me in my room in an hour, then we can head over together," Aislinn said. I nodded, and Aislinn left. I pulled myself out of bed, and took a quick shower. I got out, and dried off. I blow dried my hair, and put it up in a ponytail. I threw on my work outfit, and put on some eye makeup. I threw on my flats, and walked into my bedroom. I started cleaning up, and packing my suitcase, because we were moving tomorrow. Soon enough, the hour was over, so I headed over to Aislinn's room to go to work.
*


"Break's over," Aislinn told me, we were sitting in the break room. I sighed, and stood up, "Well, time to go back to work. How much longer until we're off?"

"We have two more hours," Aislinn answered. I groaned, "Ugh, that's too long." Aislinn laughed, "Well you'll have to survive."

I sighed, "I guess so..." We got up, and walked into the entryway of the restaurant. I served my first table, then walked back over to the entryway. Business was slow. I saw Aislinn walked back over to me, "Serving anyone?" She asked. I shook my head, "No, just waiting for the next group."

Aislinn nodded, "Yeah, me, too."

Suddenly, I saw a couple starting to walk in.

"Nicole you can serve them," Another waiter told me. I nodded, "Okay."

I saw two people start to walk in. I saw a girl with dirty blond hair. And, I saw dark hair and tan skin. But, the one thing that stood out was what was on the guy's arm. A tattoo of a microphone. No... I-It's... Zayn! I quickly turned around to Aislinn, "U-Um, I'm feeling sick. C-Can you serve them for me?" Aislinn nodded, and I quickly ran off to the bathroom before Zayn and Rachel noticed me. I sighed, and leaned against the wall of the bathroom. The cold tiles touched my back, letting the coolness seep through my thin shirt. What am I going to do? I have to get out of here before Rachel and Zayn notice me. I was about to leave, when the door opened. Right in the doorway was... Rachel. I wanted to hide away, or make her disappear. She turned around, and her eyes grew wide when she noticed me, "N-Nicole...?"

"U-Um, I'm not Nicole..." Wow, bad lie. Rachel frowned, "It's obviously you."

I looked at the ground, and nodded weakly. I saw a huge grin form on her face, "Nicole I've missed you so much! I have to tell Zayn!"

Rachel was about to run out of the bathroom, when I covered her mouth with my hand, and held onto her arm.

"Do. Not. Tell. Zayn," I whispered into her ear. She nodded, so I let go.

"Why can't I tell him?" Rachel asked, confused.

"H-He'll try to make me go back," I replied. I saw Rachel's eyes go wide, "Wait, so that means you aren't coming back?"

I nodded, sadly, "Sorry, but I just can't...."

"Why not?" Rachel asked.

"I-I don't think I'm ready to go back and see Niall and Harry again," I replied, "I haven't made up my mind of who I'm in love with. I-I don't know if I can even see their faces without crying. I miss them, but my fear is more fierce."

"Please Nicole!" Rachel begged, "We all miss you!"

I shook my head, "I can't go back... I'm sorry. But, I want to ask you something. How is everyone?"

"Well, Niall actually isn't mad," Rachel told me, "Harry is fine, and so are the other boys."

"Wait, did Niall find out?" I asked. Rachel nodded, "Yeah, it's all over the news. It's really big right now, the whole cheating scandal."

I groaned, "We were broken up..." I mumbled to myself. Rachel sighed, "Yeah, I know. Unfortunately, the press doesn't understand. But, Nicole, why are you working here?"

"I wanted to try to fit in," I answered, "I want to become a normal person, instead of only Niall's girlfriend. I don't want to be that hated person I was before. I'm also using the money to help pay for the apartment I'm sharing."

"You're getting an apartment. With who?" Rachel asked.

"Aislinn, she's your waiter," I replied.

"Wait, so if you're getting an apartment... Then it's permanent?" Rachel asked, sadly. I nodded, "Yes. I'm trying to lead out a normal life from now on. Maybe I'm better off without the boys."

"B-But, they miss you!" Rachel protested. I looked at the ground, "That's not enough to make me go back. I'm sorry. You should probably go back to Zayn. He'll get concerned."

"N-Nicole, I have to tell them," Rachel admitted. I felt a few tears brimming in my eyes, "P-Please don't tell them!" I begged, letting a tear slip from my eye.

"Fine..." Rachel mumbled. I looked up at her, hopefully, "Promise?" I asked. She sighed, and nodded, "I promise."

She pulled me into a hug, and then let go, "Please come back when you're ready." I nodded, but wasn't sure if that was the truth. Because, I'm not sure if I'll ever come back.

"I better go back to Zayn," Rachel said, quietly. I nodded, and Rachel waved good bye as she left. I waved back, and she walked out of the bathroom. Goodbyes are hard, but I just have to continue on. After around five minutes, I snuck out of the bathroom, and into the kitchen. I told my boss that I was sick, so I had to go back to the hotel. I walked back over to the hotel, and went into my room. I changed out of my work clothes. I put on a sweater, yoga pants, moccasins, and I took my hair out of my ponytail. I climbed onto my bed, and sobbed into my pillow. I almost wish I went and saw Zayn. I miss him, too. I should've tried to talk to Rachel longer. I miss everyone so much. I want to go back, but then again I don't. I stayed like that, and soon fell asleep, my face pressed into my pillow.
*


"Nicole, wake up," I heard Aislinn whisper. My eyes fluttered open, and I turned around.

"Why were you crying?" Aislinn whispered, concerned.

"O-Oh, well, the people at the restaurant were Zayn and Rachel," I told her.

"You mean your cousin and the one guy from the band?" Aislinn asked. I guess she did listen well when I talked to her about them. I nodded, "Yeah, I wasn't sick, I was just trying to get away from them. I went to the bathroom, and well Rachel did to. We talked, and I made her promise to not tell the others. I'm not going to go back."

Aislinn nodded, "Did you find out about the others?"

"Yeah, they're all fine, and apparently Niall's not angry," I told her. She smiled, "At least that's good... I should probably leave you alone. Bye, Nicole."

"Bye," I replied. Aislinn left, leaving me alone. I walked over to the bathroom, and locked the door behind. I looked over, and saw the broken pieces of my razor, still on the ground. I can't live without this. Why do I keep trying to be the strong person I'm not? I should just give up, and give in to the urge. I pulled a new razor off of the counter. I rolled up my shirt, and slid the blade across my skin. A new red line was created. I have pain on the inside, and I need to make it real. I grimaced a little at the pain, but continued. I created two more cuts, and stopped. I covered the cuts in bandages. I tossed the razor on the counter. I trudged back over to my bed, and laid on top of the covers, and fell asleep.

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Hi. Bye. (My sister didn't want me to leave a long author's note). Comment, follow, and fave. bye lovelies! Xoxo -Madison <3