Love Elevator

Love Elevator 14 - Libby

He said sorry and told me to close my eyes, so he could wear his clothes properly. When he gave me the signal that he was decent, I peeked at him first to confirm it. I sighed in relief, because he didn’t lie. If he did lie, I didn’t know what I would do to him. Castrated him?

He frowned, so he was still angry. Then, he sulked again. I guessed I had to say sorry again, considering that his mushroom must have felt a severe pain just now. Maybe the same pain when someone elbowed my boobs. Gosh! I used my pleading face to make him forgive me, but he tried not to look at me. I knew that he would forgive me if he saw my face. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was a softie. At least, to me.

When he looked to the right, I put my face there right -in front of his face. When he looked to the left, I did the same thing. It was like playing hide-and-seek with our faces. I enjoyed it though, he made a funny expression. He tried to look angry, but I could see that a smile almost break out of his face. Finally, he gave up and forgave me. I grinned happily and decided to tell him about my phobia. A promise is a promise. I would never back out from my own words or promises.

Before I told him, suddenly the light was out. I couldn’t see anything and I was surrounded by the darkness. Why now? I couldn’t help but think, ‘How Cliché’. I wanted to snort, but I started to feel the fear consuming me. I closed my eyes and I knew that my heart beat was increasing in a pretty fast rate. This always happened to me, when I was in the dark. My body started to shake so badly and I could feel the sweat covered my whole body.

‘Help! I really need help right now! I’m so scared’. I wanted to scream it, but I couldn’t.

Oh God! Please no! After this the past would come out to haunt me again. I always tried to suppress the memory, but yet when the darkness came I couldn’t hold it back any longer. It started to pour out in bits and pieces.

I was locked inside the closet and it was dark. I could see nothing, there was only a bit light from the gap. For four-years-old me, it was okay at first. I thought it was a game. I giggled to myself. Soon, Mom would open the door soon. But, I was still scared. Then, it was like I was sucked back into my four-years-old body. I yelled, “Help! Please, Mom! Don’t go! Help! Don’t leave me here, Mom!”

I could still remember my agony clearly. Nothing could break pass through me, when I was in this condition. I could feel someone trying to comfort me by murmuring something in my right ears. Someone was here with me. I wasn’t all alone. It made me feel better, but I was still shaking and sweating. I kept murmuring something incoherently. It wasn’t like I knew what I said, but I just couldn’t stop myself from doing that. The darkness always did this to me. It trapped me on my past memories.

Then, I started to hear a lullaby. It was the song that Mom used to sing for me. Who sang that? I tried to rake my brain and I remembered that I was stuck in here with Dom. How did he know that song? He made me calm, even though I still couldn’t think clearly. In my mind, I was my four-years-old self and stuck in my closet, while someone was trying to comfort me. He patted my back and kissed my forehead. I started to feel the reality came back to me one by one.

I felt his hand moving slightly back and forth on my back. When he kissed me, I felt the tingling sensation. He cradled me in his arms with his gentle care. He wrapped me around with his body heat. My face was rested on his chest. I could feel his heart beat clearly and it calmed me. My heart beat started to slow down and it beat at the same rate with his heart.  

This is the first time someone can comfort me and make me stop shaking when it’s still dark. I never let anyone know about my phobia. I always tried to handle it myself. I went to the doctor myself and he gave me Benzodiazepines for the anxiety attack. The med worked quickly and brought me relief within thirty minutes to an hour. But, I rarely drank them unless I really needed them. I was afraid that it could make me addicted. For some people, it could make them more depressed and the side effects weren’t very good. No one knew about this, even my own family.