That night when I walked in the door my mom was sitting on the steps waiting for me. I would have been nervous but she was smiling.
"How was your day with Logan?" She asked.
"It was...fine. Are you ok?" I asked.
"Im great Faith. Actually, I need to talk to you." She grinned.
"Um, ok." I said sitting next to her on the stairs.
"James has asked me to marry him." She squealed.
I shot up. "Who? What? Why?" I spit out.
"Ok, not the reaction i was hoping for. But ... James the man ive been dating-"
"Dating for a month and a half mom. You can't be serious!" I shouted.
"He loves me and I love him." She said.
"You can't love someone that fast." I exclaimed.
"She stood up hands on her hips and frowned.
"You tell Logan you love him. I heard you say it at the hospital today when he was sleeping." She pointed out.
"Ugh! Thats different mom!"
"How is it different, you guys have been dating for a month."
"Because, hes not a walk away Joe, this is my first relationship not my seventh yes I'm counting dad. He actually listens to me, we play and laugh, we have serious talks and we tell each other everything. He touches me in a caring way not a sexual or hurtful way." I said.
"My mother was angry, her face was red.
"What did you say?"
"You heard me, how do you think it affects me watching my mom date losers who breaks her heart, uses her or abuses her? How do you think that makes me feel? And now your marrying some guy after knowing him for a month? What about dad? Dont you still love him?" I shouted crying now.
She was silent.
."And for the record, Logan and I may be in love but for right now its just puppy love. New love, we're still getting used to each other. We're not running off getting married! Marriage is a big step mother, a commitment meant to last the rest of your life. Can you see yourself with James forever, if you don't you're making a mistake." I huffed and walked out the door.
I got in the car and drove to Logans.
When i got there I just sat in his driveway. I couldn't believe my mom was so reckless to marry someone she barely knew. I lost it, I started crying.
The car door opened.
"Faith, honey? Whats wrong?" Logan asked in such a caring tone. I cried harder.
"You're leaving." He whispered.
"I shook my head. "Noooo." I wailed and sobbed.
"Then whats wrong sweetheart?" He asked kneeling beside me.
"Shes getting married!" I cried, angry.
"Oh, well thats a good thing... isn't it? you're not leaving babe." He said, a smile appearing on his face.
"No, I mean yes. But she barely knows him. She can't love him enough to marry him Logan. What about my dad? It's a divorce waiting to happen." I sobbed.
"Shh baby its going to be ok. Your mother is a grown woman let her make her decisions and learn from her mistakes. Thats how we become better beautiful. And if you're right, if it becomes a divorce you'll be right there to comfort her and let her know you love her despite her choices. Because that's who you are Faith." He said brushing the tears from my face.
I sniffled, "How are you so great?" I asked.
He laughed, "You make me want to be great Faith." He kissed my forehead gently.
"Wanna take a walk with me, Faith?" He asked holding his hand out. I smiled, sniffled and took his hand. He helped me out of the car and we started walking to his backyard.
We stopped in the middle of the field, we both lay down in the grass and stare at the stars.
"Faith?"
"Yes Logan?" I whispered.
"I'm not good at love, I'm not good at being a boyfriend. So, if I ever do something to upset you or hurt you... you'll tell me right?" He said sighing.
"Of course Logan. I'm not an expert on it either, you're my first boyfriend. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just being me."
He chuckled, "Well, you keep being yourself because that's the girl I love." He whispered rolling onto his side and staring at me.
My heart started beating fast. The way he looked at me, with such care. His smile could melt away all my fears and worries. He was a very gorgeous guy.
"Logan, I'm scared." I mumbled looking away.
He shot up on his elbows.
"Why Faith?" He asked with worry in his voice, searching the field perhaps thinking my fear was out there somewhere. But it was not. It was in my heart, spinning out of control making me feel insecure and vulnerable. Logan was my fear, but the greatest treasure I could find as well.
"Because you have my heart in your hands." I whispered, looking up at the stars.
"Oh." He said. He scooted closer to me and wrapped me in his arms.
"Faith." He placed his hand on my heart, it started thumping louder and harder. He chuckled, "Do you not feel what your heart is telling you, love?" He breathed softly against my neck.
"It's happy, I'm happy. But I'm afraid you will hurt me in the end." I whisper, looking down at the grass.
"If you listen to your heart, it will always encourage you to release fear based thoughts Faith. Listen to how confident it is with our love. You're heart tells you with every beat, and the speed increase when you see me, or i kiss you. It's telling you you're happy, you deserve to be happy Faith." He brushed a strand of my hair from my cheek and kissed my lips gently.
"I just don't want to lose you Logan. I don't know if I can handle it."
"Baby, I promise you I will be by your side until you tell me otherwise. I love you Faith." He whispered, lifting my chin with his finger so he could look into my eyes.
"I love you too Logan."
