Just The Motion

8: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

"I told her it was crazy out there

She said she don't care but she can't stay here."

-Jazmine Sullivan

Asia

"What are y'all doing here?" I said in shock.

When they said we were meeting the new workers, it didn't once cross my mind that these were the 'new workers'.

Looking back at us were Duke, China, and those boys from China Bear along with a few other females and males.

"Trying to make some money. You should know the feeling since you were working at Pink Kitty for 2 years, Asia. Or should I say 'Bubbles'. "

Everyone , besides Nick, turned around to face me.

"I-i can explain. I-" King cut me off.

"Nope. Shut the fuck up. I'll handle you later." King looked like he wanted to knock my head off my shoulders.

"And China... " Everyone in the room turned their attention back to King as he walked over to China.

"Stand up real quick." The room was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop.

It's like everybody was understanding what was going on besides me. I'm the newbie and this fast life is gonna take some time to get used to.

"Yessir? " China started lifting up, with a scared face.

I'm just sitting here like 'wh-what is he gonna do?' In my Kevin Hart voice...

As soon as she stood up, he slapped the hell out of her. China's face still looked scared and you could clearly see the big red handprint forming on her tan cheek.

"Talk again when I already told yo' ass to shut up. You got one more time."

China sat back down as King walked past me and grabbed me roughly by my arm, dragging me to one of the rooms in this house.

When we got in there , he slammed the door and threw me down into the wall.

I groaned in pain as I caught my balance.

"You're fucking 15 years old! The hell are you doing workin' there?!" He pinned me up against the wall, and screamed in my face.

"I didn't t-take off my clothes-"

"It doesn't fucking matter, Asia! You could've got a job at MCDONALD'S like a normal ass teenager! Not at no strip club!"

"I didn't have a choice-"

He cut me off once again. "Yes the hell you did. I know nobody forced yo' ass to be acting like a hoe."

His now black eyes glistened , realizing what he said.

I was gonna reply, but I started choking on my tears and then they just starting flowing without giving me a chance to brace myself for the burn behind my eyes.

I pushed King with all of the strength I could muster up at the moment and ran out of the room with him calling after me.

I passed the living room where everyone was sitting, without giving them a second glance and back to the other house.

Is that what they all thought of me? That I was being a hoe?

Is it because they have been living the lavish lifestyle for their whole lives , and I actually had to make something out of absolutely nothing?

Out of that room.

Out of that house.

Out of their lives.

And maybe, out of this world...

Suicidal thoughts is what they call it.

I ran up the stairs and slammed and locked the room door , and started to pace the room, rubbing my hands up and down my face like some kind of dope fein.

After a while I just began to throw anything that was in my view.

I'm just thinkin, why did I have to live this life?

Having to be judged, raped... Am I supposed to die at 15?

'Cus that's exactly what I'm thinking...

When I was tired of doing that shit, I got a random piece of paper from a drawer and started to write:

By the time you see this, I'm hoping that I'll be long gone. King, don't think this is your fault, because its not. you just helped me realize my worth; which is about at a -3. But thanks for the day I spent with you guys. I wish it would've lasted longer...

-Asia

I folded the note and sat it in front of the door.

Walking towards the restroom, I said a silent prayer asking God to forgive me for what I was about to do.

I opened the medicine cabinet and just started downing the random bottles of pain pills.

Maybe I was hoping to ease this pain I had inside of me... I don't know.

Loud beating on the door caused my to jump and drop the pills that I hadn't already swallowed.

"Asia! OPEN THE DOOR!"

They were already taking a toll on me because I lost my balance and I was seeing double.

"Asia, come on now!"

I pouted and lazily reached for the last of the pills, as I laid all the way down on the ground.

As soon as I put those last three pills in my mouth, the room door busted open and they were screaming my name.

But I didn't care. They probably didn't either.

The only thing on my mind were my suicidal thoughts.

My eyes were getting lower , and I really felt at ease.

"She's in here!"

Someone came in the bathroom and picked me up bridal style.

Nobody loves me...

"Fuck, man!" Someone yelled before I saw a really pretty bright light, and the the darkness swallowed me whole.