Forgetting The Fire's We've Started

The First Thing He Said To Me

Chapter 7:
Finnick's memorial was small. The nine of us stood in a circle in the calm, shallow water. At first, Johanna was reluctant to go into the water and she put up a hell of a fight. She didn't want to go near the water because when she was being tortured in the Capitol she said they used water. For at least twenty minutes she stood on the shore screaming and throwing punches at anyone who came near her. We didn't push her to come in. Her trauma was valid and Annie told her she was more than welcome to stay at the house or on the shoreline, wherever she was most comfortable. 

A part of her felt guilty and she wanted to be there. She just needed some time. When Gale came near her she calmed down drastically. With her permission, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her out to where we were. Through all that all I could think was Finnick would have sneered at that. Then, Johanna would have given him the finger and he would crack up. He was an asshole sometimes, but he was good at helping Johanna feel better somehow. 

I would have never thought that when we first met, that one day I would miss him this much. He wanted to know all my secrets and honestly, there are so many more that he'll never get to hear. There are secrets that only Peeta knows, those are the deep ones. If I could get the chance to tell Finnick them right this second. I would. 

We all went around in a circle and shared our favorite memories about Finnick. Annie broke down in tears so she handed Noah to Beetee. I couldn't help but feel bad for her. I was also worried about her. I glanced over at Peeta. He was looking at me. We both know what it's like to lose someone you love and we both know what it's like to almost lose the person you love. 

When it came my turn to speak I got choked up.

 "I...I-uhm..." I looked around at everyone. The sorrow in their faces. Peeta's warm smile had faded. For once, Johanna's angry expression was absent from her face. Gale's eyebrows were almost furrowed as he stared deeply at the deep, blue water.  Haymitch had his head bowed in sorrow and Effie was hugging him, her usual smile long gone. Beetee was not plaintive, but you could tell he was sad because of his poor posture, which he rarely has. Then there was Annie and Noah. 

Noah, a two-year old who has no idea what is going on. When I look at him I see Finnick—Noah's eyes resembled the eyes that only a certain Finnick Odair could have. Noah also has the same light curly hair and the same grin. That's when I realized what my favorite memory was. 

"Hold on. I'll be right back." I stomped out of the water and rushed inside the house. I made my way into the kitchen, slipping and falling on the tile floor. 

"Damn ocean!" I said as I stood up and ransacked the cabinets. 

I found the jar of sugar cubes and rushed back to everyone. I was out of breath. 

"The first...the first thing he said to me was 'Do you want a sugar cube? They're supposed to be for the horses, but who cares about them, right? They've got years to eat sugar, whereas you and I, well if we see something sweet we better grab it.'" 

I passed the jar of sugar cubes around to everyone and then I said, "For Finnick." 

We all threw them into the ocean and when I looked up, in the empty gap between Effie and Annie, I saw him grinning and he winked at me.