CAUGHT OFF GAURD

CAUGHT OFF GUARD: CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN

He said he was planning on going into Houston next weekend to see him, but wasn't sure he could wait that long. I teased, "So you've found you a man, huh? You in love?"

He hesitated a little and smiled shyly, "Well... no, I'm not in... we'll see. I need to work on him a little." I didn't ask what he meant and he didn't elaborate.

When we got back, I told Cole I wanted to call Celia's while he and Dave went to get the boat ready for skiing. I was surprised when Tyson answered the phone. I asked if he would like to come skiing with us and he declined.

He added, "Look, Khalil, uh... I don't-- I can't do the social thing with you right now, y'know? I mean..." My heart sank. I'd been so afraid of this happening, but I'd had a gut feeling it probably would. I was silent while he fumbled for what he wanted to say.

"It's like... Well... I can't handle seein' you with him just yet, ok?" I could hear the struggle in his voice, how hard it was for him to say this, "It kinda makes me... It kinda makes-- I just can't do it, ok? Not yet. Give me some time, Khalil, ok?"

I tried to keep the sadness out of my voice, "Ty... I understand how you would feel that way, but..." I didn't really know what to say. I had that empty feeling that he was saying he never wanted to see me again at all. If he wouldn't socialize with us, at that moment, I couldn't see any way to be around him.

There was a long, uncomfortable silence before I could go on.

"Remember what we said that night, Ty? How we said we both still love each other and weren't gonna be like everyone else about this?"

He mumbled, "Yeah, I remember..."

"I still want us to be in each other's lives somehow. I still..."

"I'm tryin', Khalil. It's just hard." He sounded depressed. "At the Kon Tiki, I was... Every time I'd see him kissin' and holdin' you I just..." he trailed off.

I understood him on some level, even though I hadn't experienced the depth of jealousy he was feeling. I felt jealousy every time I had seen Jayvon feeling and kissing on him, even though I knew Jayvon didn't have his heart.

But I knew that what Ty was feeling was that more intense kind of jealousy, knowing Cole did have my heart, and I didn't know how to overcome that, except maybe with time. People always say time heals all wounds, but I didn't want to imagine the time between now and that healing.

A light bulb came on and I got a little upbeat, seeing a way to steer this conversation away from that heaviness, "Hey, for one thing, Dave wants to get to know you. He's hot as-- I mean, umm, I didn't mean to say it quite that way, but..."

Having just dropped Mark off at the hotel had completely slipped my mind. What an idiot I was! But it had slipped my mind because all I could think of at that moment was how to keep Tyson in the picture.

Apparently, it worked. His interest was piqued, "Dave, huh? So, what, you're sayin' he told you he like me, huh?"

"Well, he's told me... I mean, he'd like to get to know you... well, OK, he likes you a lot."

He sighed, "But he's a fuckin' pretty boy. I don't do pretty boy. It's against my religion." We both chuckled. "No, really, I don't get off to all these rich bitches who think they're better than everyone else and bully people an' shit like that."