CAUGHT OFF GAURD

CAUGHT OFF GUARD: CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

MAIN CHARACTER 👆🏾

KHALIL💕

He didn't blink. "Yes." He adjusted himself on the table edge and held his hands like a frame to say 'picture this' and started, "That's what I wanted to tell you when I got to talk to you in private; but then, when I... uh, saw you were with Ty -- all that got me totally confused again. Man, it's been real hard to keep my head together through all this."

I nodded agreement, to say the least.

Cole took a deep breath and continued. "I told you how I tried to forget about you but couldn't. So when I finally realized it was 'cause I was hopelessly in love with you, I got kinda depressed and went to our beach house in Galveston last weekend and sat alone to think... to decide if I was gonna do anything about it. I mean, I was still so fuckin' scared of being gay -- being different, y'know?" He looked for empathy from me, and got it.

He paused a moment, "I tried to decide if I would be gay if you weren't in the picture, but I couldn't picture myself wanting anyone else -- boy or girl -- but you see, that answered the question anyway. It comes down to the fact that I'm in love with you, Khalil. The fact that I'm in love with a boy... well, that means I'm gay, don't it?"

I nodded, "Well, yeah, I guess it does -- but can you accept that and be happy about it? All of it?"

"Oh," he stared off, recalling the weekend. "I still wasn't happy about it, not till I went to sleep that night and had a dream, where I'm standing with this this weirdly beautiful fortune teller and we're looking at you and me, sometime not too far in the future, and we looked so happy together. She says to me, 'You'll never be happy if you don't follow your heart. You have to live your life for you, Cole, not for what others think. You know deep down he's the one, so take your love to him -- he'll forgive you.'" He looked like he was picturing the dream sequence and smiled, "Man, I woke up from that dream and it all just fit, y'know? It just took away almost all my fears and worries, and let me finally accept being gay and being in love with you. That's when I knew I had to get you back somehow." He stared at me, unblinking.

He took a deep breath. "So, yeah... I am gay. And yes, I am in love with you, Khalil. And yes -- it's forever."

I glowed at him, and well... he seemed to glow too - hell, we were both sweating, so ya kinda glow, right? He clasped my head in his hands and pulled me into a kiss: a kiss like the ones we shared that weekend, where the love permeates the air around us and the matter within us. What gives so much power to a kiss? Is it because our minds are so close together that the energy builds to a sum greater than its parts? I know for us, it's a sharing, an affirmation, a mingling, a blending: being in love. All those things. Beautiful.

"Wow!" he exclaimed, looking at me as we came up for air, "God, I've missed you so much. I swear I'll make up for what I did. I'll make you happy, Khalil -- I don't care about anything else."

I looked up at him. "I believe you, Cole." Then I crinkled my brow, "But you said that dream with that gypsy calmed almost all your fears and worries. What did you mean by that?"

He grimaced, "Well, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared of how this'll change my life. I mean... this changes everything I've thought about, everything I've planned. I'm afraid of how people I know will react to it, the basketball team, the football team - oh man, my coaches, and of course, my family..."