CAUGHT OFF GAURD

CAUGHT OFF GUARD: CHAPTER NINETEEN

MAIN CHARACTER 👆🏾

KHALIL💕

"See' I.....well I......" He was having great difficulty putting the words together. " the truth is...... I've had...... thoughts" My head whipped back around to face him. Now he looked down at his knee, avoiding my eyes.

 "... like yours. Not like, all the time." He genuflected to illustrate repetition. "Just wondering... curious, I guess." He was very nervous and fidgeting, but seemed determined to get it all out.

"When I met you, I saw it in your eyes, that you... you know. I saw you get shy well .... shyer when you were with me, and you stared at me like you really wanted to... ya know? An' I never done anything, with a guy before. So I thought about, that maybe I would try... something with you."

The last few words were mumbled so, if it weren't so silent in the room, I wouldn't have understood them.

I couldn't believe I had heard them. I couldn't believe what he was saying to me! COLE MANNING was saying he wanted to do something sexual with me!!!!! This can't be happening! This just has to be a dream! All the blood rushed to my head, making me dizzy.

I watched his face as he struggled with his confession.I knew how hard this was, I had just gone through it in a most explosive and painful way. Obviously, that I was now out in the open with him, made it easier for him to say what he was saying-- not having to worry that I would reject him.

But it still wasn't easy. It wasn't easy for someone like him to say the words, to verbalize it. It wasn't easy for anybody, I was sure.

"I mean like, I'm not a faggo- uh, gay, ya know... it's just... you." He finally was able to look me in the eye. "You're so... sweet, so... soft and sometimes when i look at you from the back I cant even tell that your a guy you have the hips the butt........, you make my ego swell up so big! You make me feel like I'm the most wonderful guy in the world! I don't deserve..."

"Yes you do, Cole! You are the most wonderful guy in the world." I interjected. It was the truth, and I was glad I finally had a chance to say it. We both had tears running down our faces now. 

Every hair on my body was standing up, tingles coursing through me. My heart was racing, my libido was raging, and I was nearly hyper-ventilating. I still couldn't believe this was happening!

"No I dont !" He blurted, as a pained expression came over his face. I wondered where he was going. "I... I was just gonna use you, to see what it's like. That is, up until awhile ago." He shook his head, trying to fight it, but cried softly, looking down at his hands. "Man, you broke my fuckin' heart, Khalil. What happened in there really tore me up. I couldn't handle it! Seeing you... hurting." He swiped at his eyes and sniffed. "Oh, man. I don't know what's happening to me." He paused. "I'm... kinda scared of what I feel, now."

I was stunned.

Everything freeze-framed. It seemed neither of us even breathed. The tears streaming down my face, dripping from my chin, were the only evidence that time wasn't actually frozen. I know my mouth was gaping, and I couldn't even blink the tears away. I would have thought I'd be all out of tears by now. I could see the anguish on his face, as he tried to deal with his emotions, staring at his hands. He was afraid.

I was afraid to let myself believe that I'd just heard him say what he'd said. I was torn between the urge to shout with joy, and the impulse to throw myself on him and comfort him as he'd done for me. I couldn't bear to see him in pain either. But I didn't know if that was the right thing to do or not. I didn't know where his dilemma was centered.

Was he thinking he was, all of a sudden, gay? Totally? Or bi-sexual? Was he not thinking he was gay, but that he had feelings just for me? Was he blaming me for causing these feelings? Was there anything I could do to banish his fears? I really had no idea what I could or should do. I'd never been in a situation like this before, had never been in love before, and had never been present to see someone else struggle with these issues. But I had to do something.

"Cole?" He jerked out of his reflections and looked me in the eyes. "Are you ok?"

He chuckled and sniffed, "I guess it's your turn to ask me that, huh?" He wiped his eyes.

He looked so forlorn. My heart melted. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to do something. I scooted a little closer to him and cautiously put my left hand on his shoulder. He looked at it and smiled a weak smile, so I decided to go for it.

I moved as softly and cautiously as I could, stretching my right arm across his chest and around his side, letting the side of my face rest on his right side of his chest, pushing my left arm down under his arm, behind his back. His robe was spread open at the top, so my face and right arm were resting against his flesh. In gradual stages, I let the weight of my shoulder, face and arm, sink into his body. I listened to his heart beating fast, his breathing was shallow and uneven.

I realized that he had probably thought I was going to make a sexual move. Far from it, I only wanted to take away his pain.

Oh, I definitely wanted sex of some kind to happen, but I would let him instigate it in his own time, if he was so inclined. For me, this was enough. Seriously. This was enough. Momentarilly, when he realized that was all I was doing, he brought his right hand up to my shoulder and hugged me to him. His heartbeat and breathing gradually returned to normal.

I was in heaven. Better than heaven. It was The Rapture. I felt all the anguish flow out of my body. I tried to mentally pull all of his anguish out of his body and replace it with tranquility. His heartbeat was nourishment to my soul, flowing beat by beat in, to fill up the empty spaces with serenity. The world couldn't touch me while I was in his arms.

The first movement made by either of us, was Cole bringing his hand up to gently stroke my still damp hair. "Cole?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for now?"

"I'm sorry that... me slowley falling in love with you, is causing you pain." He didn't reply for a minute.

"You're falling in love with me?" He asked, for clarification, no inflection, positive or negative.

This time, I took a long moment to answer. "Hopelessly." I declared with finality.

He said nothing, but his heartbeat increased again. I burrowed my face into his chest, and tears, of happiness this time, leaked out, falling through the hairs, all but evaporating as they reached his skin. He was having a hotflash. I mean he was radiating! His heart was racing.

He brought his left hand to my chin, lifting my face to look in my eyes. Now my heart raced and caught up with his. We were both panting in short, sharp breaths. He studied my eyes for a long moment. Then, eyes open, he pulled my chin to his, and our lips met. Softly. They just met. He closed ........we closed our eyes.