We Should Talk. (Book One)

Horacio

"Hey." I tell him.

"Hi." He says.

"I'm sorry I left so suddenly." I add.

He scratches the back of his head. "I'm sorry too. Just... For... You know."

"For nothing. You didn't do anything I didn't agree with and want just as much."

"Well, how do you feel?"

I sigh. "Honestly? Confused."

"I'm confused too. Not about my feelings. About yours about me..." I laugh and he laughs uncomfortably too. "You know what I mean."

I smile. "I do. And... As hard as it is to admit it, we were going to get there eventually. I mean... Ever since we were kids things between us were... you know." I blush.

He smiles. "I do."

FLASHBACK

"You got brain damage or what?" I laugh and he makes an offended exaggerated expression that only makes me laugh even more.

"Or what! Or what!" He exclaims.

I laugh even more and then stop to take a breath.

He looks at me seriously and looks out the window.

"I'm so glad we built the tree house." I tell him. He smiles.

"Yeah. Next year you'll be 11 and I'll be 12. We're gonna be really grown up. We need as much time away from school as we can get. Things are going to get real crazy around there, bee." He says.

I look out at the window too.

"But we'll always have each other." I tell him.

He looks at me and we hold hands.

"Always!" He agrees.

"Too bad Gus couldn't be here." I say.

"He wanted to, but he's feeling weird about leaving the house now. Mommy is all confused because he kissed someone during recess."

"But isn't that what grown ups do? Kiss people who they like?" I ask.

"Yeah. But I think it's because the boy he kissed doesn't do very well in school. He even gets D's. I think mommy is upset because she doesn't want Gus to like people who do bad in school."

"Oh." I sigh. "Must be it."

"Yeah."

"Hey, Horacio... Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Have you ever kissed anyone?"

He blushes. "Not yet. You?"

"No. Not yet too." I look away.

"Hey, Toby..."

"Yeah?"

"Can I maybe kiss you?" He asks.

"Do you really want to?"

"Well, yeah! You're pretty and smart and my best friend in the whole world!"

I smile. "And you're my best friend!!"

He leans over slowly and I lean over too. Once we're really close and there's just a teeny tiny bit of space between us... "I'm scared." I whisper to him.

"I'm scared too." He whispers back. "Maybe we should close our eyes." He suggests.

And so I squint my eyes and hold my breath, holding all the air in my mouth.

~
Horacio comes out of the bathroom and looks at me with a surprised expression.

"Wow." He says. "Toby, you look hot!" He says. I go up to him and softly push him, blushing. He laughs.

"I know I'm hot!" I tell him, even though I don't quite believe it.

"What did you think about the lips?" Augustus asks him.

"I loved it." Ace answers.

"See, that's the difference between you and I, brother." Gus says, smiling to himself. "You see her lips and think you'd like to kiss them, I see her lips and think I'd look great with that lipstick." Horacio laughs. I laugh politely.

~
I sigh. "I still can't believe it. I found out my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend."
He is such an amazing friend that it's like all of this has happened to him, and not me.

I hug him and lay my head on his shoulder.

"We're going to be alright." He tells me.

I smile. "I know."

~

FLASHBACK OFF

And looking at his eyes and seeing what seems like a short film of our childhood together, I realize in a very clear way that what I feel for him is more than friendship.

And that out night together was not an impulse. It was a desire my heart hid from me for all this time.

It was something I wish I had noticed before any of this happened. So that maybe we could have a shot at being happy together.

Because now, after Jack happened, after Avi happened... after everything, I can see that Ace has been there for me all along.

I can see that he has stood up for me and held me when I was about to fall. That he had my back at all times and he was sure about me even when I doubted myself. He had faith in me when I though it was all lost and he loved me when I needed to feel loved.

Even if anything else is temporary, I know that he is, and will always be, my forever.

That's true love.

And I wish I could tell him that I just don't love him like that. Like more than my guardian angel. Like more than my other half.

But the more I think about it and try to describe what I feel for him, I realize

Sometimes you just can't do it.