Ace Of Spades

Chapter One

"We do not remember days,
we remember moments." - Cesare Pavese
_______________________

Chapter One
______________________
Dearly Departed

I shook my head while biting my lip, he was back at it again with the drinking and I was disappointed, disappointed in him but more so disappointed in myself for actually believing he was going to get better.

Sitting at the top of the steps I wrap my arms around my knees and hug them to my chest as I listen to him mutter and grunt to himself while digging through the fridge. It was midnight and he had just walked through the door drunk as a skunk while banging into everything in his sight.

I really thought he was going to do better for himself, sure the last three years were hard but I managed to cope without alcohol and violence, why couldn't he? My body shook and I wished Jasper was here to pull me into his arms and rub those soothing circles on my back.

But he wasn't so I had to learn how to pick myself up, even though I struggled with it I pushed myself to be happy, to see the brighter side of things. Even if there wasn't a bright side, just a dimly lit side that was better than nothing.

I sigh and stand up, quietly making my way down the stairs, shaking my head when I walk pass the mess of a living room. Stepping into the kitchen my stomach clenched when I saw him leaning against the island while downing a beer, his eyes were closed as if he were savoring the foul taste. Not like he drank it every night.

"Dad, its midnight," I say with another sigh, his eyes peaked open and his dark orbs landed on me and narrowed, he finished the beer and slammed it down to the marble counter top.

He brought the back of his hand back against his lips, wiping away the little drips of beer, "What are you still doing up Spade?" He snapped out and I rolled my eyes at him, wincing when pain erupted from my bruised eye.

Last night he wasn't so calm, "I was waiting until you got home to make sure you were alright." I whispered, feeling my posture waver when he grunted, clenching his fists by his sides.

I gulp and avoid his angry eyes, I didn't understand why he was always so angry with me. Sure he always blamed it on me looking like her but that was just an excuse for him, he had no right to get so mad at me when I'm the one that actually stayed for him. I didn't leave him like my mother had or like my brother did.

No I stayed because he was broken and I still had hope for him, I thought we would be fine just the two of us but I guess I was terribly wrong by the way he started drinking large amounts of liver killing liquid and his outbursts.

He snorted and I could tell it was sarcastic, "You know I'm not alright, you know I'll never be alright!" He shouted, smashing the empty beer bottle to the ground.

I shook in my spot and felt his intense stare on me, I was already covered in bruises and my wrist was sprained from the time I tried to fight back. I didn't realize he was so close until I felt the back of his hand collide with my left cheek. At least he didn't hit my already bruised one.

"Get out!" He screamed and I felt hot tears escape my eyes as I trembled, "I want you out of my house! NOW!" He shouted and I felt my whole body shake as I dashed out of the kitchen.

I knew I couldn't stay here tonight, I'd have to find somewhere's to go because if I did stay here it would make things a lot worse and I didn't have anymore energy. I grab a suitcase and fill it up with the clothes I had, I snatch the worn out stuff bunny rabbit Jasper got me for my third birthday, I couldn't sleep without it.