Waiting|| KNJ ✔

I Can't Stay (pt 2)

CHAPTER THIRTY SIX

"Baby?"

I jump when I suddenly feel a pair of arms slide around my waist 10 minutes after my break down, practically having a heart attack, before my brain puts together the action with the sound of Namjoon's voice in my ear.

"You scared the shit out of me Namjoon." I hiss, my words cut off by his lips, and I sigh as I melt into him, my hands grasping tightly to his upper arms where he was holding me against him.

"Sorry." he murmurs, his mask that's sitting on his chin tickling my face and making me scrunch my nose up as I pull it down fully to his neck so that I could kiss him properly, my mind getting taken over by the slight hint of fluff that I could feel against my skin from where he hadn't shaved for a couple days.

"I made it though- you've gotta give me that." he says, grinning at me as he pulls his head back to look at me, and I can't help but roll my eyes at him as I tilt my head back.

"You did make it." I confirm, smiling as I turn back around to face the view of Seoul, and my body settles back into him as he holds onto the railing for us both, his arms and chest surrounding me and making me feel warm despite the chilly air.

"So, what do you think? Was it all you imagined it to be?" he asks, dipping his head to lean his chin on my shoulder as he whispers it in my ear. I hum in confirmation, the words 'was it all you imagined it to be?' running round and round in my head as I think back to my episode earlier, a lump suddenly developing in my throat and my eyes begin to water.

"This is only my 3rd time up here...but I think its probably my favorite." he says, the smile in his voice apparent and I manage a smile in response as he kisses the side of my neck, humming happily before he hears my shaky intake of breathes and he pauses.

"Babe, are you okay?" he asks, reaching his hand up to try to gently turn my chin towards him, but I turn my head the other way, trying to hide my teary face from him.

"Seoyeon, whats wrong?' Namjoon asks, his voice beginning to become worried, as he attempts to turn me in his arms, and I struggle against him- trying to get myself together, but when he steps in front of me, he forces me into his chest and hugging me, it makes me realize that there was no way I could hide from him.

"Baby, please tell me whats wrong." he pleads as he bends his head slightly to look me in the eye, his hands holding my head either side and I'm forced to look up at him, blinking rapidly to rid my eyes of the hot tears.

"I cant stay." I whisper, my voice breaking as I speak and making my squeeze my eyes shut as I shake my head angrily at myself.

"What...what do you mean you cant-" he begins to ask, but when I look up at him with a trembling lip and he sees the look on my face, its clear that he understands.

"Home... Namjoon, I have to go home."

I can't look at him as I speak the words, instead leaning my head on his chest, so that he couldn't see the way my face screws up as I try not to sob, my arms somehow having found their way around him and now holding him so tightly to me that I'm not sure how he's still breathing, but I can hear from the way he's taking deep breaths to calm himself, that he still is.

"Its okay, baby-"

"No, its not, Namjoon- ITS NOT! I don't want to leave you! I want to stay here, Here in seoul, with you..but I cant. I cant-"

"Shhhhhh!" he hushes , making me realize I began to shout the words at him after stepping back to look at him, but being pulled back into him as he wraps his arms around my waist and neck, his hand holding my head to him as he nuzzles his face in my neck.

"It is okay, Seoyeon" he murmurs when I've finally calmed down, pulling back a little so that we could look at one another and shooting me a sympathetic look.

"But what about-"

"I still love you." he says quietly, stroking my cheek with his thumb as he stares at me, smiling sadly when he sees me looking confusedly back at him.

"But-"

'Seoyeon, stop saying 'but'.' he tells me, scoffing and shaking his head gently, continuing to watch me the whole time, kissing my forehead quickly before he goes on.

"And from how upset you are over having to leave, I'm guessing you love me just as much- although I wouldn't mind hearing it-"

"Of course, I love you." I say sniffing and I to try and get myself under control and smiling gently when he brushes away some extra tears that had fallen with his thumb.

"Then surely- even though you can't stay...surely, we can work this out?'' he says, looking at me intently to make sure I understood what he was saying.

"But- I mean...I'll be gone for a whole year'' I explain, my breaths starting to come to me faster as I try not to get my hopes up, trying not to believe that he was trying to say what I thought he wanted to say.

"And when I go on tours, I'm usually gone for months at a time. ...We'll be okay, Seoyeon. We have Phones, we have VideoChats, we have the mail service to write letters like old fashion, if we need it," he chuckles, grinning when I giggle with tears, "I can't imagine not having you in my life at this point...so as long as you're willing to make this work...I am too!" he insists, bringing his forehead to touch against mine as he waits for my answer, his warm hands on my face making me shiver.

"So...what do you say?" he whispers.

Although my mind was still fixated on the fact that I had to go back and that I had to leave the man before I had come to love more than anyone Ive ever loved before in only a matter of weeks, a warmth was blooming in my chest at the possibility that this might not be it, that everything didn't have to end here, and although I knew that it was going to be hard, and that in the end the distance could beat me ...I was still willing to try if it meant the possibility of not losing him.

And so that's what I do... because I would do anything for him.

"I don't want to lose you Namjoon.'' I whisper, smiling shyly at him as I reach up to cup his jaw, and I knew he understood me from the way he suddenly crashes his mouth to mine and it feels as though the two of us mold together into one person, the cold night and the city view of Seoul completely forgotten.

"You wont ever lose me, Seoyeon." he pants in between kisses, the disapproving grunts of people around being distant as I continue to kiss him, wanting only to feel him as I mentally begin to prepare for having to leave him, despite the fact I still had one day left.

"You promise?" I whisper when we finally break for air, feeling Namjoon's hands spread themselves out over the small of my back as I snuggle into his coat, looking up at him as I lay my head on his shoulder and he drops a kiss onto my forehead. I close my eyes to commit the moment to memory, along with his answer.

"I always keep my promises."

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AN:

*ugly sobbing* Sorry more feels

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