CAUGHT OFF GAURD

CAUGHT OFF GUARD: CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

"First to my place. I gotta talk to my parents. Then, I guess I'll..." I didn't know what the hell to do.

"What?"

"Well, I first thought, just get you outta there, like to Jet and Celia's-- but I don't wanna be that far away from you either."

"Got any ideas?"

"Well, you could at least stay tonight at my house."

"You outta your fucking mind?! It was bad enough to think of meetin' them like I always look-- what the fuck would they think of me like this? How would you explain this?" He pointed at his face.

"I don't know, I guess just tell the truth. They can call the cops on him..."

"Look, Khalil... I'm, kinda... I can't let people know about this. No way I can go to th' cops-- they don't like me an' I don't like them-- an' he'd tell 'em I was a faggot, so they wouldn't do anything anyway. It's like he has the right t' do it to me cuz I'm gay. Hell, they'd probably join him in kickin' my ass. But I can't let people know my old man beats the shit outta me. I got my pride, ya know? I always told the doctors I got in fights with guys my own age, or beat up by gangs and shit. One time when he broke my leg by stomping on it, I told them I got hit & run by a car. When I was like, twelve, a neighbor called the cops and I just lied like hell and told them I got beat up by a group of kids-- 'course, I knew he'd kill me if I told the cops then. But there's no way I could tell anyone my dad does this to me."

"Why do you stay there?"

"I don't fucking know, man. I was goin' through a kinda mind-fuck period when I went back. It's like I'm beggin' for it or something, like I deserve it for being gay... I mean, It's not like I've ever been a good son or anything. I've always been trouble," he sighed.

"I'm just a fuckin' bad seed, dude, just a fuckin' black hole that sucks everything good into some kind of oblivion. Khalil, I destroy everything good that comes near me. I don't mean to... I mean, I don't do it on purpose, it just happens, cuz of me... I don't understand my fucked up mind sometimes," he shook his head slowly.

"This last time, Jet And Celia told me they wanted me to stay, and I just fuckin' left, like I couldn't handle things goin' smoothly for a long period, ya know what I mean? But I think it was also that I get afraid I'm gonna cause somethin' bad t' happen t' them if I stay around too long-- and they don't deserve that. And he only fucked with me once or twice in all this time, until we got back Saturday. I don't know what it is about me, like, do I jus thave to have some kinda bad shit goin' on in my life just to know I'm fuckin' alive or somethin'? Man, I never should've dragged you into my life. I'll just drag you down with me..."

"Would you stop that shit already? Look, I may be innocent and naive or sheltered, but I'm not just plain stupid. You've told me enough about you t' know what I'm gettin' into. I know it's gonna be different than anything I've known, but I care about you, and I think I love you-- so stop pullin' away and thinkin' you're'ruining' me!"

We drove toward my house. I had no idea how to handle this situation with my parents, I just hoped there was something they could do to help. All I knew was that I sure as hell couldn't leave him there, and selfishly, I wanted him with me. We pulled up at my house and sat there for a minute.

He didn't want to go in. I understood why, but felt the tradeoff, of having him safe, where he could get help and I could be with him, was worth the embarrassment he would only feel at first. I finally convinced him to come inside.