Battle scars- Bucky

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These battle scars don't look like they're fading don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change.

You knew that Bucky had a rough past, and you also knew that he usually didn't want to talk about it ,which killed you. You needed him to talk to you because you always talked with him about things that you were worried about or if something was bothering you, you always talked to him but he never talked to you. You would like to think that after 7 months of being togheter and another 7 months after escaping Hydra that he would pretty stable, but no.
Right now the two of you were laying in the bed that you shared, Bucky was fast asleep but you knew that the nightmares would soon kick in so you were awake. Someone needed to take care of him when he woke up crying and screaming, you were that person. The only proplem was that he didn't seem to realize how much you wanted to take care of him and how much you loved him, unfortunately you had started doubting how he felt about you.

You turned around and looked at him, his face was so beautiful yet he still looked heartbroken like whatever he dreamed of was tearing him apart from the inside you wouldn't know. As he started to twist and turn you felt how you got a lump in your stomach, you couldn't take it, not another night of " I'm fine " or " It was nothing ". It was something and you knew he wasn't fine so ofcourse it drove you crazy.
You got up and put on some clothes and shoes, then you walked out. Maybe not the best time to be walking alone but you needed to breath and you needed to calm down, but it was for a fact driving you crazy. Not knowing how do help or what to do , it sucked. You started walking towards the park that was outside your apartment, you were a tiny bit scared because you never know what kinds of people there are. You sat on the swings and started thinking, you did that a lot. Natasha usually called you overthinker and so did Tony, Steve and everyone else, but you loved it. Being all alone in your head made you feel safe and it was always nice to rant about something in your head, usually you were ranting about the " skinny bitches wannabe mean girls " that went to your college.

Even now when you sat on the swings you couldn't get the worried feeling out of your stomach, you were worried about Bucky because even though you were a bit disppointed in him , you still wanted to be there for him.
You jumped off the swings and started walking home , when you reached the front door you were debating if you really shoud go in, if it was worth it if he was worth it. But you knew that he was, he was after all your everything even though it seemed like he didn't feel the same. You wiped away the tears that had started to fall but it didn't work, they kept running and you couldn't stop them. You slid down the wall and sat on the floor while tears kept running down your cheeks.
You wanted to scream, scream because he never talked to you, scream because you felt worthless , but most of all scream because he didn't love you. After what could have been hours you stood up and walked in, there was no sign of Bucky so he was probably still asleep. You walked in to the kitchen and looked at the clock 4.05 am , you grabbed a glass and started filling it with water, all this crying had made you dehydrated. Though you couldn't go back to sleep because Bucky's nightmares would probably kick in pretty soon, and after all you wanted to be there. Or maybe you shouldn't be there ? Maybe he didn't need you there to comfort him, maybe he just needed space. If space is what he wanted then space is what he would get.
At 4.57 am the screams started, it was painful to here them but you didn't move, which was even more painful. Then they stopped, everything got so quiet that you almost got scared. You heard how someone ran down the stairs and suddenly you heard your name being called. You walked out from the kitchen and looked right into Bucky's eyes, they were red from crying. A sudden relief seemed to wash over him as he saw you, but you didn't want to hug him or kiss him.

" I got scared.", he said while he walked towards you.

" No, don't talk to me like that.", you said as you held your hands up. He looked at you with a surprised expression, and you felt your stomach drop. You didn't want him to be sad but you didn't want to be treated like air.

" Doll, what do you mean ?"
A lump was growing in your throat and you didn't now if you would be able to talk.

" Like I mean something to you, you never talk to me " You almost yelled at him and tears had startet to form in your eyes.

" I talk to you everyday ?" He said and looked a bit confused.

" No you don't Bucky ! You never tell me about your dreams or how you feel it's like you don't love me." You whispered the last sentence and you thought he wouldn't hear, but he did.

" Ofcourse I love you, you are the only thing that keeps me going. I have some pretty bad battlescars and I do not like to talk about them because I am scared." He said and now he was crying to.

" Scared of what ?" , you asked while you sat down on the floor since your legs couldn't hold you up any more.

" Scared of remembering." , he walked closer to you and wrapped his arms around you, when you didn't protest he pulled you closer.

" I love you so much it hurts, I will tell you everything from now on ?" , he whispered in your ear and you nodded.
Then he kissed you with so much passion that you almost fainted.
He loved you.

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