The Popular Girl

Chapter 31

It was Monday morning, I had survived the weekend being locked in my room and eating ice cream 24/7. I didn't want to ruin the streak, I didn't want to try anymore. I wanted to give up..

But I knew I couldn't.

I stepped outside and let the fresh California breeze seep into my pores. I soak it in. I stare at the sunset and see the pretty colors mix together, it's like God threw all of these beautiful colors in a blender and then poured it over the sky.

I smile softly and wait for Jack to come outside so he can drive me to school.

I spoke to Ashley, but nothing about Aiden came up. Except for the whole "oh where is he?" I lied and said he couldn't make it.

I'm glad he didn't show up at Ashley's house, it would have been a disaster. I guess he knew better than to do that. He's a smart guy, but not smart enough.

"Alright lizzy fizzy ready for school?" Jack said as he hopped into the drivers seat of my jeep. I sighed slightly, my poor baby is gonna miss me as much as I'm gonna miss him.

I'm talking about my jeep by the way..

I walk over to the passenger side and slide in, once I put my seatbelt on then were off.

--

I would be lying if I felt like something inside of me wasn't broken. If everything was just ok. And I guess that's what I want people to believe, that's what we all want people to believe that we are all ok..

But define ok?

Ok

-used to express agreement or acceptance.

-satisfactory but not exceptionally or especially good.

Well.. That's not what I'm feeling.

I'm feeling like shit. Complete and utter shit and there's no other way to describe it.

I'm not going to sugar coat it, these past months with Aiden had been the best of my life. I was so happy and carefree and that all was taken from me. Of course I'm going to react like this.

Right?

But why? Why don't I let people in especially when I need them the most right now?

Why you ask.

I'll explain.

I don't let people in because I don't want to seem like an over dramatic crazy girlfriend that just so happens to be an attention seeking bitch.

Think about it, if your sad and want to crawl in a hole, are you going to shout it to the whole world? Possibly not.

I don't know you so I can't say for sure. Though for me I have the tendency to keep it alllllll in. I let it soak up inside me and weigh itself down at the pit of my stomach but I don't let go. And when someone sees me looking at the floor for too long. Or maybe I stared off into the distance for a moment.

And then they ask me. "What's wrong?"

Don't expect for me to say "my boyfriend cheated on me" with a smile.

Don't expect me not to cry!

Don't expect me not to shed a few fucking tears.

Because you wanted to know what the hell was wrong right? You asked!

But that's the thing! You do that and they will eat you up alive! Trust me I've been there. The rumors, this cheerleader did this and that and now she's so full of herself she's drowning in self pity.

I can't stand it!

If you are going to ask someone "what. Is. wrong?"

Do not be shocked when they cry in front of you and tell you WHAT IS WRONG! but that's the thing they get too surprised too shocked.

It's too much. Your problems, they never expected you to actually tell them.

"But they asked" you might be thinking. Of course they asked. But they never really bothered to listen to the answer..

So you keep it all in. All locked up in a cage in the deepest part of you.

And you throw away that damn key because you know.

When someone asks you "what's wrong?"

..most of the time they don't even give a shit about your life anyways.

So then you sit there with a small smile playing on your lips. The tears on the brims of your eyes. Wanting to crash down to the surface.

And you respond with a simple, "nothing I'm ok, just tired"

And they stare at you and question you for a moment. Then they think. "Na if something was wrong with her she'd tell me." But it's not so fucking simple!

We all go through fucking shit in our life, some worst then others. But it's still there! You know why?

Because life isn't simple.

It's the hardest thing out there. But you gotta keep going.

I have to keep going.

..so to get back on track, staring out the window in English and thinking about how the clouds look so messy yet perfect.

someone comes up to me to ask that question.

Which believe me they have asked a lot.

I quickly mask myself and lock that cage extra tight. I make sure to let nothing escape. They can't know. They'll only judge me. And what will that do. Know one cares. They ask just because, know one could really give a damn about me.

So. With a smile on my face and my perfect brows raised I respond smoothly..

"Nothing's wrong." I laugh "I'm just tired, but trust me I'm ok."

...