Colleen POV
I can't believe I lost our baby. My body failed me and it failed us. I don't want to be here anymore. I am one problem after another. I grab my blood pressure pills from the bathroom and pour them into my hand. I take 10 and put them in my mouth. I need this pain over. "Baby?" I hear Joshua say. I quickly hide the bottle as I hold those pills in my mouth. "Please tell me you weren't thinking of doing anything stupid" he says sitting in front of me. I start to cry and he sees the pills in my mouth. "Colleen spit them out!" He cries. I spit them out onto the lawn. "Did you take any more earlier Colleen?" He asks as he grabs me checking my mouth. "No" I say. "Are you sure?" He says holding my face. "I didn't take any" I say. He cradles me sobbing. I see Rachel come running out. "Rachel I need water now!" Josh says crying. She runs back in the house and comes out with a bottle. She slides in front of us and has the bottle open. Josh pours it into my mouth. "Spit it out" he says to me. Rachel looks at the lawn with all the pills on the grass and starts crying. I spit out the water. She hugs me as I cling to her. "Colleen you have everything going for you. What were you thinking?" She asks me. I just cry. Josh scoops me up and brings me into the house. He brings me to the bed and I lay down and grab a tshirt of his and bring it to my face. "Don't tell Mom and Dad" I say to Rachel as she goes back out in to the living room. She nods sadly and closes the door. "You need help baby. We need to go back to emerg" he says. "No Josh. I promise I won't do anything please" I say grabbing him. He is sobbing. "I can't believe you chose to leave me. Why would you do that? We all need you!" he says nuzzling into my neck. I grab him closer. "I can't do anything right" I say. "Life isn't about being right or perfect Colleen. Look at all the good ok baby?" He says. I nod and kiss him. "I hate to say it but I don't know if I can trust you are telling me the truth. Please don't do anything. It will kill me" he cries. "I promise" I say. I hear a knock at the door and Rachel comes in with the kids. I grab for them and Rachel places them between us. "I thought you should be reminded of everything you have" Rachel says. I nod hugging Noah as Josh holds Lily. "Mommy why are you crying?" Lily asks. "I am happy baby" I say smiling. She jumps on top of me and hugs me tight. "Love you Mommy" Lily says. His little arms around my neck are bringing me back to reality. My family.
