I THOUGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED SINCE IH AD MET HIM IN THE HALLWAY AFTER 3RD PERIOD. IT HAD ALL HAPPENED SO FAST. FOR EIGHTEEN YEARS, ID LIVE MY LIFE IN A NORMAL WAY, CRUISING ALONG A COURSE THAT SEEMED SO PEACEFUL, SOMEWHAT PREDICTABLE, T...
On the drive over to Cole's, the closer I got, the more my thoughts focused on him. When Dad said how we can be blinded because we want it to be perfect so badly, it started a string of self-doubting questions in my mind; thoughts like,
'Is this REALLY IT? Is he really the one? I mean, I feel it so strongly, with such confidence in my heart; and with the pull of Tyson on my heart during this afternoon's events, it had to be VERY strong to have swayed me from being determined not to open up the wounds and let him back in.' Though I realized during that thought that I had known he was still in my heart all along.
Have I made the right choice? My gut tells me yes, very much yes. But what if it is like Dad said, and I'm just wanting it to be perfect so badly I'm not seeing clearly? I mean, I know what they say about young love and all that... But then, like I told my parents, no one could fake what he showed in his eyes today and what I felt coming from him. It's real, and I know it.
Wow, my own dad had given me advice on my relationship with my boyfriend! Am I dreaming? Am I going to wake up, look around and realize I never even met Cole or Tyson, or came out to my parents; back in the cold and lonely reality I used to know? I shivered in the warm night air, then with a smirk on my lips, pinched my thigh, wondering if anyone else has actually ever done that. I'm awake.
In fact, that cold and lonely reality from less than a couple months ago seems more like the (bad) dream than anything I have to deal with now. I feel more alive than I ever have, even if everything's been turned upside down. I feel like life is slapping me in the face, over and over again, with me standing at attention, shouting, 'THANK YOU SIR! MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?' But it's good, ya know? It's good, mostly. In fact, it's mostly wonderful.
By the time I pulled in beside his car, anticipation of being with him had me in a good mood. I really needed a break from thinking about any of the rest of today's events or their meaning. Being with Cole is one of those wonderful things life is giving me now, and I really, really, really needed it.
I half expected Cole to meet me at the parking garage to take me up on my offer to suck him off in the front yard-- which I might very well have done for all of Friendswood to see, cuz I could never say no to him-- and giggled to myself.
As I reached the gate, I looked down to see little decorative jars with candles on either side of the opening, and three more leading to the tall double doors, which were both slightly open. There was a note on the right door. "Lover, follow the candles," was all it said, in fancy marker writing. I stood there and got all tingly. 'Ooh, this is right out of some romance flick! How sweet of him!'
I smoothed my shirt of the wrinkles and looked myself over in the mirrored foyer walls. The candles led through the den and out to the back patio through the open glass door. I walked out into the warm night air and saw lights streamed up almost everywere. It was gorgeous.
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