Theo (Boyxboy)(Trans)

Chapter Six

After helping mom clean up the kitchen and put away the newly washed dishes, I send a brief text to Lane telling him to get his butt over immediately, before hurrying upstairs to isolate myself in the silence of my little bedroom. Only now, in the quiet calm of the dark, with just four grey walls for company, does everything begin to sink in.

My aunt is dying. I can try to hope and reason as much as I like, but I'm not a fool. If this surgery doesn't happen, she is going to die. Even if it happens, the chances of her recovering and staying in remission are so slim it makes pain flare up in my chest. It's things like this that truly and honestly make my faith waver. Pray for her, they say. Well, I've tried and it's gotten us nowhere. Sure, I say I don't believe, but I think after being raised in such a faithful family, I almost hope that something bigger than us is out there.

I hope, but it makes me angry at the same time. If there honestly was some holy being out there looking out for us all and loving us all, why do such horrid things happen to us? Why do the most innocent and kind suffer? Why do the cruel and vile not get punished? Why do people turn on one another over simple words in a book with no solid proof that they are the true word of any higher power at all!? If there is someone or something out there, why has it left me here in a body I detest, with a family against everything I am, and why is it taking the most important person in my life away from me!? I tried to believe, trust me I did, but whatever may or may not be out there has always been silent when I needed a sign.

So, over all, I guess that's why I find myself in bed with tears in my eyes I refuse to let fall as I curse the god who I truly believe is watching in amusement as I crumble under the weight he has abandoned on my shoulders.

A timid knock on my bedroom door makes me jolt into a sitting position as I swipe my sleep over my eyes, getting up and walking over to unlock the door. As soon as Lane sees my surely red-rimmed eyes, he steps in and shuts the door, just to pull me into the tightest of embraces.

"I'm so sorry, Reesy," He mutters into my shoulder, making the pain in my chest flare again as I grip the back of his sweater tightly, burying my face in the crook of his neck.

"She's going to leave me all alone, Laney," I manage, voice wavering with my attempt not to break down. "I'm never going to see her again, am I? Oh god, and Carter is all alone out there with her. That's his mom! I can't lose her, Laney. I-I really don't know what to do right now."

He shakes his head, pressing a feather-light kiss to the top of my hair before pulling me over to sit on the edge of my bed. Without another word, he walks into my bathroom and returns with a warm, damp cloth and begins gently wiping the tears and smeared make up away. I can't help but to stare at him as he does so, feeling hollow as his features soften and he focuses on his task. When he is satisfied, he tosses the cloth in my laundry hamper and takes my face in his hands, looking me in the eyes seriously.


"No matter what happens, you've still got me. You and Carter, both of you have me. I'm never going to leave you alone, Reesy, just like I know you'd never leave me alone. You're my best friend in the world and I'm not going to let you go through this alone," He tells me earnestly.

I have to bite my cheek to keep my tears at bay as I just nod at his words, watching as he smile happily at me, reaching up to ruffle my hair like always. "Now, lets do something to cheer you up. How about you get changed into something comfier and we have a harry potter marathon! I'll go get popcorn and drinks!"

As soon as he turns and runs out of the room with a determined look, I kind of just blink and go into automatic as I start doing what he said to. People have always questioned mine and Lane's friendship. Well, to be blunt, they think it's impossible for two people to hangout as much as we always have and never do certain things. I've tried to look at Lane that way, it's just human nature to be curious, but something in my gut always scolds me for it. He's my friend and I don't want to ruin it. Sure, we tried kissing when we were like fifteen, but besides the fact the kiss itself was pretty nice, we didn't want to complicate our friendship. Relationships tend to end messy and staying friends is near impossible most of the time and our friendship wasn't worth losing just for some romance that would surely fizzle out or create un-needed drama between us.

Once I've pulled on a pair of basket ball shorts that I stole from Lane last summer and my favourite 'The Kooks' Tee and start setting up the first movie just as Lane dashes back in. "Okay, your mom must be on drugs because she just smiled at me and thanked me for being such a good person and it sounded honest!"

I roll my eyes and smile at him before grabbing a handful of popcorn, "She'll be back to normal by tomorrow. Take what you can get while it lasts."

He pushes me back against the bed, laughing as my small self bounces, trying desperately not to drop the bowl of popcorn, "Ay! Watch it fool! I'm holding precious cargo!"

"Shut up, dork and start the movie," He snickers, crawling across the bed to lean against the wall of pillows, getting a little too comfy in my spot.

I start the movie anyway, crawling next to him and shoving him a good foot so I can take his place, holding back a chuckle when he grumbles about me being a bed hog before we both quiet down and get wrapped up in the movie. As much as I love these movies, I can't help but let my thoughts drift though. My aunt, Carter, my mom, Lane, Reed, Violet, Rick. All of it just seems to spin around in my head trying to drive me mad.

Eventually I can feel my eye lids growing heavy as I practically slump against Lane. He doesn't even seem to notice though as he brings another handful of popcorn to his mouth, eyes trained intensely on the tv. Seeing that he seems comfortable still, I let my eyes fall shut.

When my eyes open again, the room is darker, with the tv off, and I feel Lane pull my duvet over me as I just now notice I'm laying properly in my bed. He's about to turn and leave when I suddenly sit up and grab the back of his shirt.

"Stay over tonight," I ask, but I'm sure he sees the pleading in my eyes.

To be honest, I really just don't want to be alone. I don't want to feel alone in my dark, empty room. I don't want to wake up in the morning alone with m thoughts. I just want someone next to me to assure me it's okay, and there's no better person than Lane.

He seems to understand that, as he gestures for me to slide over, which I do. Once he's settled, he turns so we're laying face to face, with a few inches between us as he closes his eyes, resting a casual arm over my waist, "Sleep tight, Reesy."

I nod, relaxing and feeling grateful for his company. I just stare at him for a bit though as I really realize how lucky I am to have him to rely on. I almost wonder why I still hesitate to tell him my deepest secret. Of all people, Lane should be the last one to hate me for it, but yet I still hold back. I really would love to be able to talk to someone about all this, but the idea of trying to explain how I feel to anyone makes me feel sick to my stomach with nerves.

Without opening his eyes, Lane pulls me a bit closer, forcing me to rest on his pillow, "Reesy?"

"Yeah?" I whisper, afraid for some reason that maybe he could hear what I was thinking.

"Close your eyes, and get some rest."

So, I listen and soon fall asleep next to the best friend I could ever ask for.


The next few days go by pretty much the same. Mom eventually returned to herself, and I was avoiding Reed's texts, and trying to avoid him at school, but with much less luck. He wasn't the only one I've been avoiding though. Rick seems to be around every corner ever since that day I stormed away from him, and all his 'kind' gestures are getting annoying. Opening doors for me that he waits at, knowing I have to go that direction, paying for my lunch, telling off people whenever they're rude to me. The worst was when he attempted to help me with my math's test and instead ended up getting us both in detention.

Which is exactly where I am now, on a Friday. Miserably, I drop into one of the many empty seats as Mr. Davin scribbles my name on the attendance sheet, shortly followed by the devil himself as he smartly takes a seat in the row behind me rather than besides me like I saw he wanted until he noticed the glare I'm giving him.

Two more kids come in before our detention teacher stands and writes our instructions on the board before walking out and shutting the door behind him, saying he'll be back soon. Glancing at the board, I groan and drop my head onto the desk in defeat.

'One hour of silence. You may do homework during this time. NO talking.'

Only about ten minutes pass before I feel a tap on my shoulder, making my teeth grit as I turn around to glare at Rick, "What?"

I can see the guilt in his eyes, but refuse to let it effect me, "I'm sorry. I was really just trying to help."

"I didn't want your help, and I don't want anymore of your help. I just want you to leave. Me. Alone. Got it?" I whisper harshly so the other students won't hear.