A/N: Basically this is a season one/two au where everything is the same except Cas is around. It takes place after John's death.
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"Why do you even care about this case? It's not exactly our area of expertise. The chick was murdered by a psychopath, so what? Sometimes there are weirdos out there, Sammy. Not everything is supernatural." Dean said as he sat down on his bed in the cheap ass motel they were staying in.
"I just think that it's what Dad would've wanted us to do. We need to comfort her best friend, seeing as they lived together and she witnessed the murder." Sam glanced up from his laptop, where he was looking at the police report.
Dean took a sip of his beer. "You're still doing this?"
"Doing what?" Sam furrowed his eyebrows.
"You know what I'm talking about. You keep taking up these cases, saying 'it's what Dad would've wanted us to do.'"
"So?"
"It's just that you've spent half of your life doing exactly what he didn't want. And you know what I think? I think you feel guilty."
Sam glared at his brother. "Am I not allowed to feel guilty? Because I feel guilty as hell right now."
"You feeling guilty isn't helping us, Sammy. You're letting your emotions get in the way. Dad's dead and there's nothing we can do about it."
"Yeah, maybe that's not a bad thing. You're just like dad, you know. You both are heartless bastards." Sam retorted.
Dean pursed his lips and stood up, taking his beer bottle with him. He scooped up his wallet and car keys before heading out to his baby.
He sat in her for a minute, stroking the wheel, trying to calm himself down. It didn't work. Instead, he angrily jabbed the key into the ignition and started the car, pulling out of Bobby's. He had finally fixed his baby, but Sam said it would be best to stay put until they had a game plan.
Dean drove for a while, listening to his collection of cassette tapes. Maybe if his car couldn't calm him down, his music could. And after a couple hours of driving, it did.
The hunter sighed, pulling over to the side of the road. He had no clue where he was going, and he wasn't in the mood to drive any longer. Dean turned off the car and climbed out, looking around.
Maybe it wasn't the best place to stop, considering there wasn't much around him except for trees. But Dean didn't care. If someone or something were to attack him, he could take them.
Dean started walking through the trees. Normally, Sam would be the one to take walks during cases. He claimed it helped him think. But sometimes Dean would go on a walk himself when he didn't feel like getting drunk.
After a while of walking, Dean stopped at the edge of a lake. He sat in the grass, enjoying the slight breeze blowing.
"Hello, Dean."
Dean glanced up at the familiar voice, and saw the angel standing there, his trench coat fluttering in the wind.
"Hey, Cas."
"Are you okay, Dean? You seem upset." Castiel looked concerned.
Dean laughed bitterly, looking back down at the ground. "I'm more than alright, Cas." He said sarcastically.
"Why do I sense you are lying?"
"It was sarcasm."
"Oh."
"Yeah." Dean said, letting out a small sigh. "It's just that I feel like I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough for my dad. I craved his approval, you know. Even though he liked me better, I still felt like he didn't approve of me. I'm not good enough for Sammy either. He deserves a better brother, honestly. I've been such a shitty brother to him. When he first told dad about going to college, I didn't even say anything when dad started yelling at him. I just sat there." He paused, looking away from the angel so he wouldn't see a tear roll down his cheek. "And you know what? I don't think I'm good enough for you, Cas. You deserve the world, but you're stuck with me and Sam." Dean let out a shaky breath he hadn't realized he was holding.
"Look at me, Dean." Castiel said softly, sitting down next to him. The hunter shook his head, still looking the opposite way. Cas sighed, but continued talking anyway. "Your father liked both you and Sam. He just wanted you to be safe. He obviously thought that Sam going off to college by himself would be dangerous for him. Your father and yourself have always protected Sam, so he felt that Sam would not be okay on his own."
"You really think so?" Dean asked, his voice cracking.
"Yes." Castiel nodded. "You have not been a terrible brother to Sam. Yes, there have been some moments, but that will always happen. I have watched over humanity long enough to know that."
Dean sniffled, and he wished he wasn't being such a pussy about this whole thing. He had to appear strong to Sam, and to Cas, and to anyone else.
"Dean....." The angel said softly, once again. His blue eyes never looked away from the hunter's face, taking in every detail, counting every freckle. "I think it is you that I do not deserve. You have been kind enough to put up with me, that is, when I am not doing my angel duties. I do not answer your prayers all the time, yet you still put up with me."
Dean finally turned to look at the angel sitting next to him. Green eyes met blue, and Dean suddenly felt a lot better from just looking at Castiel. "Thank you, Cas." He said quietly.
"You are welcome, Dean."
~~~~~
Okay, I literally had no idea how to end this one, so I'll just leave it here as is. If I come up with a better way to end it I'll come back and fix it later.
I apologize for the lack of updates this past week. I've just been super busy.
