Fragile Heart

86

"No, Coco, I'm completely lost," I confess, sinking into the cushions of my mother's couch.

Living with my mother again might not be the most conventional choice for someone my age, but there's a comfort in being back in her home, even if just temporarily.

Now I have Coco over, practically begging me to go to Brazil. She says it'll be good to support my brother, but I know she's only pushing for it because of Lando. She's been saying for weeks that I should just talk to him, but I can't bring myself to do it.

"Stella, please just go! You'll have Aaron, and also! There's the party they have, so you can get drunk and just do whatever you want!" Coco insists, her enthusiasm palpable.

"What party?" I ask, feeling a mix of curiosity and skepticism.

"The party they have for Senna," she replies, smiling. I nod, biting the inside of my cheeks as I think it over.

"I went with Zak last year, before anyone really knew who I was, and trust me, it was amazing," she says, her smile widening. I can't help but consider the idea after all, some drinks do sound good.

As I think it over, memories of my excessive drinking after the breakup with Lando flood my mind. Seeing him now, clearly struggling with alcohol, only reinforces my hesitation about drinking again.

"Fine..." I mumble reluctantly, sinking deeper into the couch.

I know I need to avoid Lando at all costs. It shouldn't be that hard, right? But deep down, I fear it might be more challenging than I anticipate.

|~~~~~|

I landed in Brazil the next day, just in time for the party. Now I find myself sitting in my hotel room, reclining on the couch, as I'm in a Zoom call with Elena.

I asked if I could have a quick call because I felt like I just needed to talk to her. Sometimes, a friend's voice can provide the comfort and clarity we need in times of uncertainty.

"Explain to me, Stella. I'm all ears," Elena smiles through the camera, her eyes full of concern.

I shrug, gripping Lando's notebook tightly in my lap. "I read the note and went through the book again," I admit quietly.

Elena's expression shifts to one of disappointment. "Stella, you know that's not good for you. You said you want to push that past you, yet you keep reading it," she says gently, her words hitting home. I start to bite my lip, feeling conflicted as I think about her words.

"I know, I just can't let go of it," I confess, feeling a weight settle on my shoulders. "And I just feel so stupid because as much as I just want to talk to him, I just can't. I keep going back into the memories we had together. I even saw him at Charles' place a few days ago, and as much as I wanted to stay, I left immediately," I admit, feeling a sense of hopelessness wash over me. Opening up about these feelings is difficult, but it's a relief to share them with someone who understands.

She nods, understanding my struggle. "Do you love him?" she asks, tilting her head slightly.

It doesn't take me long to respond. "Yes, and I think I'll always love him," I admit, a soft smile forming on my lips as I think of him.

"Then tell him that. If you keep holding onto the memories between you two, it won't help with your mental health. You need to stop denying it to me, Stella. You've told me so much that proves you still want to be with him, so tell him your truth," she urges gently.

I shake my head, feeling overwhelmed by her words. "I'm going to go now," I say softly, offering a small smile before closing my laptop.

Elena's right, but I just don't know how to face him.

Deciding not to dwell on it for now, I get up and walk over to my suitcase. I begin to get ready for tonight, focusing on the task at hand. Tonight's event is an opportunity to distract myself and enjoy the moment.

|~~~~~|

A.N- this is just a filler for a long night ahead so it's kinda bad so I apologise!😭

Love yall!